Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Results Are In...

But I'm not tellin' my top ten...yet. First, I must bore you with more assessments!

The last four TV shows on the chopping block are:

*The Mighty Boosh
*Gilmore Girls
*Dollhouse
*Star Trek: The Next Generation

I'd like to talk about something even more important. Let's take a little break from the shows themselves and dwell for a moment upon the beautiful, the swoon-worthy, and the dreamy. I will be truthful with you. I watch television mostly to laugh and to look at pretty people. I like my laughing to be produced from the self-deprecation of good-natured gorgeous people. I may need to go even further back...

The people in life that I find to be of the finest in eye candy don't have to possess any specific visual qualities, save perhaps for a rebellious spark in the eye and unkempt hair. The people I crush upon are self-driven individuals with distinct personalities which usually include a specific-to-them style of dress, however this is not a requirement, as you shall see with #3 below. I have fallen for men and women of varying races, sizes, and sexual orientations (sadly, not all orientations point towards me). One of my only turn-offs is close-mindedness, and you won't find that failing in the following,

MixtressRae's top five TV crushes of all time (in chronological order of appearance into the culture's consciousness): 

*Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

     Personality: Oz is taciturn, loyal, respectful, witty, perceptive, and smart. When Willow throws herself at him for the wrong reasons, he respectfully declines her advances (before their first kiss and before their first sexual encounter) because he's a stand-up guy and he's perceptive enough to see the motives behind her actions. Oz rarely says anything, but when he does, his words have economy and meaning.
     Visual Appeal: What makes Oz a cutie in my eyes is that he paints his nails black most of the time and dyes his hair different colors frequently without calling attention to it.
     Best Life Companion For: high school boyfriend. Oz would be a most wonderful mate for someone in high school. He respects a girl's autonomy while also being willing to pull out the sweetness when necessary. He'd take you to prom AND give you your space when you want to curl up with a book and the quiet alone on a random Friday night. This is one member of the male gender that was taught that "no means no" and every teenage heterosexual girl could use a guy like this in her corner early on in her dating life.
     Bonus: Oz is a werewolf that later learns meditation techniques to control the wolf within. Hot!

*Vince Noir from The Mighty Boosh

     Personality: Vince is basically a sweet-natured simpleton that has the exact same music taste as me. His ringtone is a midi version of "Cars" by Gary Numan.
     Visual Appeal: He's a gothic-leaning pretty boy not afraid to wear makeup, glitter, or anything current society would think "girly". Vince is also not afraid to accentuate his cleavage and I'm similarly not afraid to tell you, I'm into that. Crossdressing is hawwwwt. He also has a smashy hook nose that I like. If Robert Smith was as visually gorgeous as his voice sounds, he'd look like Vince Noir.
     Best Life Companion For: bestie. Vince is the kind of eye candy you might choose not to sully by eating. He'd be a brilliant best friend, maybe the kind of bestie you sometimes accidentally make out with -- I would also gladly accept his nuggets of positivity as a "life coach" kind of BFF.
     Bonus: Vince gets along with every single weird creature (half of those weird creatures are played by Noel Fielding, thus ARE him, essentially) in the Boosh-universe and has a very optimistic outlook on life.

*Jim Halpert from The Office (US)

     Personality: Kind, mischievous, inventive, respectful, quick-witted, and (there's that word again) loyal. Jim is just as good of a friend to Pam as he later becomes a boyfriend, then a husband, then a co-parent. This character is legendary for a reason.
     Visual Appeal: That smile and those kind eyes. Halpert just has that genuine good dudeness aura about him. Generally, I don't fall for normal-types, but Jim is relatable and cuddle-worthy even to an oppressively weird girl such as myself.
     Best Life Companion For: ever. He's a great friend, great boyfriend, and a wonderful husband. Jim is a keeper (reminds me a bit of my Michael). Jim + Pam = 4eva!!!
     Bonus: His hair is real messy most of the time. I can get behind that, if you know what I mean...what?

*Moss from The IT Crowd

     Personality: Moss is a nerd that seems to have never tried not being a nerd, and that is just the coolest.
     Visual Appeal: He wears plaid shirts, has amazing glasses, sweet cords, and the best hair on any television character EVER. I can't even describe his hair. It's super fluffy and curly, but it also contains this strict side-part (not pictured) that makes the whole thing just too insanely amazing for words. He also wears his backpack all snug with his hands on the straps and it just, it kills me. On cuteness alone, were I to rate these boys, Moss would win, no question.
     Best Life Companion For: work mate. I want him to be my best work friend. I want to wait outside nerd-movies in costume on opening night with him. Basically, I want to be Roy.
     Bonus: Moss and I would probably have a lot of nerdy tech and pop culture things to talk about. I think we'd be great friends. Be real, Moss! Be real, so that I can have a completely asexual relationship with you.

*Topher Brink from Dollhouse

      Personality: Topher is the smartest neuro-nerd of any fictional neuro-nerd I know. He talks fast, he's confident, he's of questionable morality (but eventually redeems himself), he's a bit nuts, and he's unintentionally funny in that way only true nerds can achieve.
     Visual Appeal: Do you see that sweater vest? Also, even in high-necked shirts, you can see a bit of chest hair peaking out. Mmm-hmm. Messy hair? Check.
     Best Life Companion For: having really complicated arguments/debates while playing video games and eating snacks from his "drawer of inappropriate starches".
     Bonus: Nice pointy nose. 

Honorable Mention: Tara Maclay from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

     Willow gets the best companions ever. Tara is beautiful, sweet, smart, and kind of goth. She is the most compassionate/empathetic of any of the Buffy characters, I think.
   
Now, it's 1am and I'm too tired to tell you about those four TV shows I promised, so you'll just have to wait until tomorrow, babies.

Maybe I'll edit this tomorrow, but tonight I shall post now and ask questions later...live with it!

Followers