Disaster Porn.

DISCLAIMER: This blog may be triggering for victims of natural disasters. I won't be discussing details of the event I experienced, but I'll be discussing blunt feelings and reactions related to themes of natural disasters. I'll be cussing a lot as well.

At the moment, I'm livid.

Let's just get the porn out of the way here. Yes, I lost my home two years ago today. Yes, my childhood home and my sister's home and my grandparents' home and the homes of many of my friends and coworkers were also in various states of completely fucking obliterated. By nature. Two years ago today. Yes.

But it's a beautiful spring day that has nothing to do with that day. Of course I know what this day is an anniversary of...

I don't even know where to start. I'd like to say intelligent things, but it may be more of a livid rant. Whatever, I am a voice for a minority that feels the way I feel, but because there are new people dealing with a similar issue (Moore, OK), there will be more people that feel like me. There has to be.

So, ok. You know how when something really really awful happens to a person like war, murder of loved ones, rape, kidnapping, etc, there are things that trigger that person? On lots of websites if an article is something that might trigger a person who has dealt with tragedy or mental health concerns related to what is about to be said in the article, they will have a disclaimer. For example, "The following article deals with subjects of sexual abuse and violence against children and may be triggering for victims of child abuse, rape, and incest." So those that know they have issues with the following subject matter can NOT READ THE ARTICLE. But it seems that people are not having the same respect on Facebook toward survivors of disaster. I'm sure survivors of Hurricane Katrina can relate and survivors of tsunamis and many other disasters. It's not fair that I know I would be totally ok today if it wasn't for my friends and family posting pictures on Facebook and reminding us of what they were doing at exactly this moment two years ago.

I also want to say that I do understand that the majority of people are getting something out of this. Somehow it helps a lot of people to view these pictures and post these pictures and rehash all the old shit. I don't get it, but if people are doing it en masse, they must be benefitting from it somehow.

For me, however, it makes me extremely upset. I go back to that place. I feel scared and trapped and have to poop (and please don't mention this to me, for fuck's sake) and just really AWFUL. I have a few friends that feel the same and it's just not fair to have people we love shoving it in our faces. I don't want to "walk the path of the tornado" to remember the fucking awfulness of 2011. I don't want to be subjected to profile pictures (they CANNOT be avoided if you go to the site at all) of destroyed houses. I don't want to be tagged in pictures of my once-beautiful house ravaged by nature.

What I'm asking here is that the whole subject be treated with a little bit more delicacy and respect. A lot of us can handle questions about what happened to us, but some can't. If you'd like to post images of destruction, warn people that the following pictures may be triggering to those that have dealt with tragedy of this nature. I can't imagine how the people in Moore feel right now if they're aware of the social media vibe in Joplin right now. I am extremely upset by it all two years later and for them it's been TWO DAYS.

*If you don't know someone and want to ask them about this subject, ask how they feel about talking about it FIRST.

*If you know someone has gone through tragedy (of any kind) and want to talk to them about it, ask how they feel about talking about it FIRST.

*If you have gone through tragedy and feel comforted by posting pictures and rehashing details, put a small disclaimer before you disclose FIRST. I would never want to begrudge anyone else their healing process, but I would also like mine respected.

*NEVER volunteer information about others that have dealt personally with tragedy. It is not your place to disclose their private information.

*DO NOT ASK THE REFERENCE DESK at a ravaged-by-nature town for a map of their town's destruction. Find it online or somewhere else. Don't ask someone that may have lost homes and/or loved ones for a map of places their lives may have been destroyed. That's just not polite. Have some empathy and respect for the feelings of others.

*DO NOT TAKE PICTURES of someone's destroyed property. Just don't. Not even if they give you permission in tears to take photos of you cleaning off your Star Trek DVDs, because they're really not in the right mind to give you permission. Leave them alone if you'r not offering your help. And if they don't want your help, leave them alone anyway.

Anyway, I am angry, but I'm not angry AT people I love because I know that they're not doing these things to be hurtful. They just don't know how I feel, so here's how I feel and I'm not alone. Some of us are very triggered by images and videos and retellings of events. I'm sure a lot of people in Moore would appreciate a little bit of disclaimers and respect as well, so let's treat them better when it's been two years for them.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Forever.

episode 95.
airdate: 17 Apr 2001.

Buffy is looking at coffins. For once in her vampire slayer life, she's doing it for a normal human reason and not searching for the undead. Picking something out for her mother. That would be so upsetting, choosing the thing she has to be in forever, which is exactly what Dawn just said. Fishbone pigtails though, Dawn? Like you have time to do that to your hair with all the crying? That's not terribly believable.

Dawn is upset that Buffy is dealing with all kinds of funeral arrangements and all that stuff, not showing a bunch of emotion. Which is understandable, when you're the one that has to deal with the specifics. Save the grief for later, though I'm more like Dawn. When the tornado hit my mom (and many other go-getter-types I know) sprung into action and took care of shit while I withdrew into myself and imploded. I wasn't able to deal with normal life stuff for months. I was barely able to go to work five days after...and all the feelings of PTSD and loss and grief surrounding the damage to my life and hometown was all intermingled with the death of my dad that happened two months after. I made some unwise decisions (like getting a ridiculous warranty on the new car I had to buy, even buying a brand new car PERIOD) just because I needed to choose the options that required the least thinking. I know I will never be the together-type in these situations, so I get where Dawn is...totally.

Spike shows up with flowers and Xander is mean but Spike says they're not for Buffy, they're for Joyce. "She was decent, didn't put on airs, and she never treated me like a freak." After Xander runs him off, Willow picks up the flowers and notices there isn't a card, so they really weren't for B.

The funeral. Dawn goes to stay the night with Tara and Willow after the funeral. Buffy just stays at the graveside. God, I'm crying again. Day turns to night and Angel shows up by her side. She reaches back wordlessly and takes his hand.

Dawn wants to do a spell to bring her mom back. Zombie Joyce! Anya and Xander have intense life-is-fleeting sex. Tara explains to Dawn that bringing back Joyce isn't possible. "We don't mess with life and death." It's possible, but too dangerous and something about wiccans taking an oath. Dawn throws a fit because they won't let her do it. B sits and talks with Angel all night. Buffy is scared of tomorrow because everyday living resumes after she took care of funeral, etc. Buffy is beating herself up over not getting home ten minutes earlier, that she didn't start CPR until the 911-peeps told her to. She's worried about taking care of Dawn. Angel is super sweet, offers to stay in town as long as she needs. They kiss.  It's very heated and they can't consummate it, of course, so she tells him to go but thanks him for getting her through the night. They sit together until dawn.

A minion confronts Ben as per usual and Ben accidentally reveals that the Key is a person and then stabs the minion. Dawn decides to stay after Tara and Willow leave for class. Willow does a little mojo to pull a book out from the others on the bookshelf and Dawn quickly finds a resurrection spell. Later Dawn pretends to dust at the magic shop while she's looking for the ingredients for the spell. She slyly gets Giles to reveal where the "off limits" books are, where she then finds what she needs to resurrect her mom. Later at the cemetery, she collects dirt at the graveside and Spike sees her. He warns that if the spell calls for more than dirt, she's in zombie territory. Spike assures her he won't tell, he'll help.

Giles is drinking at home listening to the music he and Joyce listened to the night of "Band Candy" when they had sex.

Dawn asks Spike why he's helping her if he's not looking for credit with Buffy (he tells her not to tell Buffy) and he says he doesn't like to see the Summers women in pain.

The minion didn't die and gets back to Glory telling her the Key is a human.

Spike takes Dawn to a weird spell-dude's house for an ingredient for the spell. He cautions against the spell. Creepy spell dude plucks a hair from Dawn's head and declares, after inspecting the hair, her mother a good candidate, good DNA. They have to steal a demon egg from the nest of the demon. Spell dude describes the spell. He warns that her mother may not come back the way she was and if the spell goes wrong to tear up the image of her mother that needs to be used for the spell. Spike is always saving Dawn's ass. If he wasn't there, she would have been killed by the demon whose eggs they're stealing, might have been victimized by creepy spell dude. The demon has three heads. Spike has to fight it while Dawn steals the egg. It breaks and she has to go back in to steal another and Spike gets a chunk bitten out of him in the process of defending her the second time without a weapon. Dawn does the spell at home alone in her room.

Tara notices the spellbook is gone. The one that Willow pointed out to her. Willow acts guilty and Tara calls Buffy. Buffy goes upstairs as Dawn is finishing the spell. Buffy confronts her. Dawn tells B she needs her mom. Buffy reassures her she has her. Joyce is walking towards the house...all you see are her zombie feet walking. Dawn tells B she doesn't feel anything and B breaks down. Dawn is reassured by Buffy showing emotion and being real with her. "Who's going to take care of us?" says B.

There's a knock on the door. Buffy runs to the door: "Mommy?" Dawn tears up the picture just as B opens the door. They hug and cry. And now I'm crying again. Damn you, Joyce Summers!