Monday, April 4, 2022

Rules and Limitations

I'm somewhat fond, it seems, of making rules for myself. I can only spend this much with this type of income on this type of thing. I can only watch the "extra" YouTube content if I'm on the treadmill. I can only use one tarot deck per week. I like to experiment with restriction. Luckily, this hasn't ever extended to food. It's about control, obviously. Everything on my desk needs to be in its right place. I can't "relax" in the evening until all my chores of cleaning the dinner dishes, taking out the trash (if it's Monday night) and walking the dogs are done. Systems of control. One episode of Rupaul per night before bed in the recliner. Ok, maybe some of this is just ritual and routine. 

"I don't want a home, I'd ruin that. Home is where my habits have a habitat." -Fiona Apple

Today, I made a new rule for myself (a lot of my sentences start like this): I can only watch YouTube videos of the channels I love enough to have their notifications turned on. That's like 15 channels, and 5 of those don't upload anymore, but I NEED to know if they ever do again.

I've had an online shopping budget of $120/month since December 1st. But you see, I haven't really been sticking to this budget because my extra income sources (Etsy tarot readings, YouTube ad revenue, merchandise, sales of my oracle deck, and my Patreon) are extra and I can do whatever the fuck I want with that money, right? It's absurd, but I spend upwards of $300 on the internet every month. On what, you ask? Tarot decks, oracle decks, perfumes from Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab, $20 computer speakers that I think I need (they sound fucking fantastic, by the way), etc etc.

I have a problem, and I'm trying to deal with it. But it involves math and restrictions and writing every damn purchase in my planner and on my phone note app. It's exhausting. But it's necessary, because my number one goal for 2022 is to stick to my modest budget and NOT charge my credit card. I have been successful so far.

I've been so successful in fact, that I've decided to restrict my budget even further, starting now, in April. My online shopping budget now is $90/month. Also, from now on, I can't buy divination decks and perfumes (my two biggest obsessions and money drains) with my online shopping budget anymore. I have to use extra (and often unpredictable) income sources for those types of purchases.

I am doing all of this in service of my lifelong aspiration to NEVER have a full-time job. I spend money online like I have the income of a person with an adult career, is the problem. But I will fix it. Not by having a career or anything so lofty as that, but by restriction. So I make all these stupid rules for myself and am constantly readjusting, but it's motherfucking April, you guys, and it's working. 

I've been achieving my goals this year. In February, I spent the month not on the internet (there were exceptions of course, like streaming music and podcasts and checking email on Fridays) and it was amazing for my mental health. I've been taking fiber like a proper old lady. I'm making an oracle deck! I bought a sketchbook! I might color in a Disney Villains coloring book I got at work! Things really are happening. 😝

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