Buffy the Vampire Slayer: As You Were.

episode 115.
airdate: 26 Feb 2002.

B is still working at Doublemeat Palace, in case you forgot. She fights a vamp on the way home. The vampire rejects biting her because she smells like fast food. She stakes him anyway, of course. Buffy does it with Spike in the front yard. She brings Dawn home Doublemeat again, but D says she can't eat it another night. Willow and Dawn invite B out to the Bronze. She refuses. Anya and Xander are nervous about the wedding, which is next week. Jeez. Willow is giddy about the possibility of getting closer to Tara again.

Riley shows up at the restaurant the next day with a new scar on his face. He needs to talk about something he's hunting. He needs her expertise. She leaves work without word. Rare, lethal, demon. He starts "debriefing" with his gadgets and she laughs at him for a second. The demon breeds like bunnies, so that's why it's a big deal. Anya and Xander are on their way to the airport to pick up Xander's uncle. They're all stressed because Anya is inviting a bunch of demons and Xander's whole family are crazy drunks. B is all flirty with Riley as they go after the demon. They're dramatically staring into each other's eyes when a chick that, big reveal, is Riley's wife. She's a black ops chick too and a good fighter. Buffy is thrown for a second, then B kills the demon. Riley and Sam are disappointed. They didn't want to kill it, which Riley forgot to mention. The three of them go back to B's house. Everyone is happy to see Riley. Willow tells Buffy she's "prepared to hate this woman" all best-friendy, because "you can't, but I can". B tells her to "go nuts".

The problem now is that the reason they wanted the demon alive was because they were going to let it lead them to its nest. So now they have to find the nest another way. Sam suggests to Will that she do a locating spell, as she heard she's "major league Wicca" and Will gets upset and leaves the room. Sam and Buffy are going in one direction with Riley in another. Sam goes and apologizes to Will: "I think I really stepped in it back there." She's cool and tough and sweet. A really great match for Riley. Sam tells B she's legendary, for being a Slayer, for being Riley's ex. She's real complimentary, a little overly personal, but she's again, perfect for Riley and B is feeling sad. She suggests they split up and goes to see Spike for information. She makes him tell her he loves her and wants her and they do it. Riley breaks in and sees them in bed together. Turns out Spike is the "doctor" that's selling the demon eggs on the black market that they're trying to find. Buffy is angry at Spike, of course. They find the eggs at Spike's and they start hatching.

Anya and Xander are hiding in the bathroom and they decide "our wedding is not our marriage". A distinction a lot of people don't seem to realize. My two cents about weddings for a sec: it's just a damn party. Have it however you usually enjoy your parties. You don't have to do all these traditional things and invite everyone you've ever known. You don't have to care if someone's offended you didn't invite. them. IT'S YOUR DAMN LIFE. K, I'm done.

Riley and Buffy talk after the battle is over and B thinks it was easy for Riley to come and flaunt his perfect life in front of Buffy's "pathetic" one. Poor thing. She lost her mom, she died, she lost her bf. Riley reminds Buffy that she's a"helluva woman". They all say their goodbyes. Everyone loves Riley and Sam.

B goes to see Spike. Breaks up with him. She does it respectfully. She even calls him William. Tells him she's been using him and she's been weak and selfish and that she's sorry. And then she walks out into the light.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Out of My Mind.

episode 82.
airdate: 17 Oct 2000.

Buffy is hunting in the cemetery. Riley is too, trying to help, horning in on her fun. Spike is there too, also fighting. She's annoyed by both of them.

Willow and Buffy are having an academic debate at school the next morning and Willow is all excited about it. Buffy is working hard at slaying and school. Getting her shit together. Giles has made a really great training area behind the magic shop for Buffy. I'm kind of jealous of where she is at just this exact moment in time, though I know it won't last. She's young, studious, fit, has the greatest friends ever...an annoying bf and sis, but you know...not everything can be perfect. It's just this moment in time that everything is right for Buffy. I've paused the episode just to soak it in for a sec. Trying not to focus on what's to come.

.........

Ok, I can't put it off anymore. Let's go. Harmony finds Spike. She thinks Buffy is after her because she tried to kill her. They decide to kill Buffy if Spike does the thinking. Joyce collapses. And it starts...*deep breath, Stephanie*. Dawn listens to everyone's heart and Riley's is super-fast. They're already in the hospital so they get him checked out. The doctors think he should stay, but he refuses. He's been all cracked-out lately. Buffy takes advantage of the fact that the Initiative is probably spying on Riley all the time by picking up his phone and saying that he needs their help into the receiver. It works.

"All it means is that he's way stronger than he ought to be and feelin' no pain...his heart can't take it." says an Initiative dude to Buffy. She needs to get him there to them, but he's hiding. Buffy bribes Spike to go find Riley and she's super mean to him, slapping him and stuff. Uncalled for, really. I mean, I guess we're still not supposed to trust or like him. As she told him where to take Riley once he finds him (the doctor to fix him) he takes Harmony to hold him at crossbow-point to get the doctor to take the chip out of Spike's head.

Buffy finds Riley and he explains that he doesn't want to lose his super-strength. He's worried about what they'll do to him. "Best-case scenario: they turn me into Joe Normal." He knows that being normal isn't enough for Buffy. He's right, but Buffy doesn't know it yet. Sarah Michelle Gellar is so good at the wide-eyed-tears-that-don't-surpass-the-waterline thing. Buffy Speech. She convinces him to go. The doctor announces the chip is "out", then Buffy arrives with Riley. Spike decides this is the time to kill Buffy. Riley fights Harmony and Spike still can't hurt anyone because the doctor didn't really take the chip out. Spike and Harmony run away. Spike is going on and on about Buffy. They're going to reveal his crush on her soon. Maybe this episode? There's still 5 minutes left.

Yep. The dream. Lovesick Spike is the best!!

Du NU...du nu du NUUUUUU.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Where the Wild Things Are.

episode 74.
airdate: 25 Apr 2000.

I know. I do NOT want to see a closeup of Riley and Buffy kissing either, but that's pretty much the entire episode. They do it, a LOT. Buffy is making up for lost time not being able to ever do it with Angel by doin' it like wayyyy too much with Riley. Doin' it so much that repressed children poltergeists in the walls of the frat house where Riley lives awaken and start making things all funky until a "red shoes"-thing (you know, you put on the red shoes so you can dance and then the red shoes make you dance forever, until you die from all the dancin') happens where they're stuck in a black hole of endless doin' it. So creepy. I don't really like this episode, but let's get it over with...

First sighting of Xander in his ice cream truck. Precious. I really don't know what to say about this episode. I guess I'm only 12 minutes in, so I should keep an open mind. First time of Anya and Spike drinking together; also...precious. Anya is lamenting the fact that her and Xander didn't have sex one night? And Spike is lamenting no longer being evil. There's a wall in the frat house that gives orgasms during a party.

Willow's good clothing time is over. She's wearing an oversized jacket with holly embroidered on the collar. Ew. Xander and Anya break up after having their first fight. Anya is overreacting because she's never been in a relationship before. Tara freaks out when Willow touches her on the knee. Some chick named Julie attacks Xander with her mouth and then runs away to the bathroom crying, "I'm bad. I'm bad." over and over while cutting her hair. Willow sees a ghost in another bathroom. They all decide to get Buffy, but her and Riley can't hear them and vines grow out of the door. They're in their doin' it loop. There's an earthquake. It's so relentless that they all have to leave with Buffy and Riley still trapped inside.

They go get Giles and he's singing at an open mic. Anya and Willow think it's sexy and Xander is horrified. They do research and go visit the warden of the children's home that the house used to be. She says all kinds of creepy stuff about helping the dirty kids get into the "kingdom of heaven". Giles points his finger at her and tells her whats what.

Xander sums it all up with three words:"big burstin' poltergasm."

Tara, Willow, and Giles do a spell while Anya and Xander hack down the vines overtaking the house. Xander almost drowns in the bathtub, but Anya saves him. The spell goes awry. Turns out the only thing that had to be done was for someone to interrupt them, which Anya and Xander do.