The F Word.

Memorize that definition, children. You don't have to be a girl to be a feminist. You don't have to hate men to be a feminist. You don't have to be a lesbian to be a feminist. You don't have to be angry to be a feminist...

But I am. I am angry and I'm not going to hold your hand and speak in dulcet tones explaining sweetly why you should consider me an equal.

Last night Jill and I were attempting to speak about feminism to a few different men, all of whom would say they believed in equality, but maintained they weren't feminists -- "humanist"s maybe, NOT feminists. No, never. The evil letters F, E, and M put them off. Guess what, boys? If you're really a humanist, you're a feminist too.

This is a common issue. I'm probably the millionth blogger to begin an entry with the above definition of feminism followed by a similar rant.

In my frustration during last night's drunken conversation, I pushed a man. A man I didn't even know. He kept talking over Jill and me and then he said that feminists were "all butt-hurt" and I didn't even hear what he said after that because I pushed him. I didn't think first. I was so furious that a man that has no idea how much suffering is felt by women simply for being women would have the audacity to call me "butt-hurt" that I just HAD to push him. Apparently I'm angry AND violent. I'm not sorry, because he wasn't letting me talk, so I took other action.

Dear Dude I Pushed Last Night and Many Other Dudes Like Him,

I can't comprehend what it must feel like to be generally allowed to talk over women about issues involving them. You're not a woman. You're very adamant that everyone around you knows this. You can't even associate yourself with a word that includes the prefix "fem" 'cause gee, that sounds girly. And then YOU act all "butt-hurt" when I defend myself.

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
Stephanie

I don't hate men, but I will admit that I am strongly suspicious of them. It seems so many people in our society lack basic empathy. If you are a white man that lacks basic empathy, you have only the feelings and thoughts of a (relative to women, gay people, transgendered humans, disabled individuals, or any other marginalized group of people) privileged individual immersed in a sexist society with a heaping spoonful of rape culture mixed in. That scares me. I don't trust you if you can't put yourself in my flowery Doc Martens.

I'm done associating with people who aren't feminists. If you truly think women should have all the rights of men, call yourself a feminist with pride. If you don't, I might just beat you up. ;)

I was so pissed off last night. I was like Courtney Love! Later, when I was walking by 502 (scary, rape-y dance club) a guy standing outside asked me about the burlesque show that was supposed to be at Blackthorn last night. I informed him that the leader of the troop hurt her back and the show was cancelled. He said, "Man, how big do your boobs have to be to hurt your back?" I replied, "Really? Really?! Fuck off!" and walked away. He didn't stop talking. I told him to fuck off a couple more times and kept walking. I'm becoming more audacious, and I like it!

My "unreasonable" expectations.

I recently learned about this phenomenon called the Bechdel Test for movies. Essentially, it is thus: For a movie to pass the Bechdel Test, it has to a) have two or more NAMED female characters that b) talk to each OTHER c) about a topic other than MEN.

Sounds simple, yeah? NO. It is unfortunately not FUCKING SIMPLE at all. I am angry.

So, after finding out about this thing I decided that I would check on the status of my favorite movies and every potential movie in the theatre I wanted to see. I have, for now, refused to see any movie that doesn't pass. Guess what doesn't pass? "Star Trek" barely has two female characters and they sure as shit don't talk to each other. A movie about the future doesn't include women, apparently. Gene Roddenberry would NOT approve. "World's End" (wtf, Simon Pegg? What the ACTUAL fuck?) has two or more named female characters but all they do is talk about the men. This movie is ostensibly (and I don't know, because I prevented myself from seeing a film that I SHOULD really enjoy) about a bunch of friends drinking and hanging out waiting for the end of the world. God, that sounds like a riot. I want to watch this movie, but it's on the surface a film that doesn't care enough about half the population to have them talking about something other than their male counterparts.

This thing has RUINED TV and movies for me, but it needed to be done, so I hope it ruins it for you too.

After the "World's End" debacle I asked myself if I was being too strict. I decided I was not. In the year 2013 women (again, 50% of the population of Earth? You know, HALF?!?!?) should be respected enough to appear in movies for reasons other than support of men in the form of sexuality and pep talks. I happen to know a lot of women (being that we're HALF the population of Earth) and you know what? We barely ever talk about men, especially for the purposes of trying to figure them out and never, I repeat NEVER, to worship them. There's the occasional, "He's so dreamy" but then we shake the stars out of our eyes and talk about our creative projects and music and pop culture and politics and literature and....

*deep cleansing breath*

When you think about it, this Bechdel Test is a really low expectation. All a movie has to do is have named females talking to each other about something, ANYTHING, but boys. How hard is that? A lot of terrible movies can pass the test. The test was created in the '80s and we still need it. This pisses me off to such a ginormous degree that I can actually feel my heart slamming against my rib cage right now. We deserve better, Simon Pegg. How hard would it have been to include three or four females in your pack of boy BFFs in your damn blockbuster movie?

One ray of hope is Paul Feig, the creator of "Bridesmaids" and "The Heat". "The Heat" is the only movie I've been able (As in wanted to watch and then succeeded in going to watch, time and funds allowing. There are others I have yet to see that pass.) to watch this summer. It is hilarious. See it. Paul has stated he strives to make everything he creates pass the Bechdel Test. Thanks for being on our side, Feig. Thank you so much.

Another pet peeve that's so far in our hypothetical future that it's like four post-Bechdel Tests from now: men in graphic sex scenes are never shown with a hand to the vagina during coitus. Most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm during sex. As in the majority. But the women in movies and TV are shown losing their fucking minds during sex while the dudes are just jackhammering away (I'm talking to you, Bill Compton) without any regard to the nerve-centric pleasure center on the female body. Cliteracy, people!

My favorite movie of all time (as stated in this blog after extensive hours of analysis) is "High Fidelity" and it doesn't pass. There are many named female characters, but the only conversation between two of them occurs at a lunch between the characters of Laura and Liz and they're just talking about Rob the whole time. I had to reorganize my brain to explain away this betrayal by telling myself that they probably talked about several other topics too but because this movie is told from the point of view of Rob, this conversation could have been entirely in his head anyway and he's a selfish character so why would he think they talked about anything BUT him? Check out bechdeltest.com to see if your favorite movies pass.

The Bechdel test can be modified for minorities as well. Are there two or more named (insert minority here) characters? Do they speak to each other? about something other than the main white male characters?

Why the fuck is our society so backwards? We're just now letting same sex people get married but we still act as if women and people of color are second class citizens decades/centuries after legally giving them "equal rights" so how long will gay people still have stigma-status after their rights have been equalized? We're backsliding. I hate us so much right now.

*drops mic*

top five playlists/radio stations on the internet.

I enjoy calling myself a writer, laughable as that assertion seems on any given day in which I binge-watch The Office, read trashy horror novels, or do anything but put pen to paper or fingers to keys. When I finally get beyond the distractions, in order to really knuckle down on a writing sesh, I need music, naturally. 

These are the top five playlists/internet radio stations I listen to while working:

Drone Zone --

somaFM’s description: Served best chilled, safe with most medications. Atmospheric textures with minimal beats.

my recommended usage: I’ve mentioned this station before. It is heaven if you like very minimal ambience in your background work music. You could also take a bath while listening, or fall asleep, not at the same time! Emphasis on the word minimal. 

find it: somafm.com/dronezone 

-or-

find the soma fm app on your smahhht phone

Psybient --

Songza’s description: Also referred to as psychill, psybient is a genre of electronic music heavily influenced by world music and psychedelic sounds. Wherever you are, these songs will take you somewhere else.

my recommended usage: This playlist reminds me of the cheesy psychedelic weirdness my dad used to make on his synthesizers. It provides a general background hum of electronic soundscapes. Good for scifi/fantasy writing or just zoning out, man.

find it: songza.com/listen/psybient-songza 

-or-

seriously you guys, I have told you about Songza multiple times now. You NEED this app if you don’t already have it. Don’t argue with me. You will love it more than all your other music apps. You don’t have to be obsessed with electronic music like me. It has every genre, it’s free, and the ads are visual instead of aural. Songza is perfection. Don’t make me tell you again.

“no one receiving” --

This is my personal Pandora station based on Brian Eno’s song of the same name.

my recommended usage: Brian Eno is like THE pioneer of ambient electronic music. If you require a background hum that’s a little less drone than “Drone Zone”, look no further than basing your own Pandora station on this or any of your favorite ambient tunes.

find it: DIY or listen to my specifics here: no one receiving.

Witchy Thug Grrrl Pop --

Songza’s description: Spooky female vocals over southern-rap-influenced electronic music distinguish this playlist, with plenty of noise-pop, chiptune, and hip hop mixed in for good measure. It’s purple lipstick music to read Jezebel to.

my recommended usage: I’ve been listening to this playlist a lot while writing for Camp NaNoWriMo (July is a National Novel Writing Month and I’m getting my word count up on my novel--shut up.). It can get a bit distracting, because the beats are intense and scary at times, but that’s the sort of bone-jangle I like accompanying my creativity. Not for the faint of heart, but if you like Santigold mixing with your Grimes and Crystal Castles, you can handle it.

find it: songza.com/listen/witchy-thug-grrrl-pop-songza 

-or-

*ahem* that app you were supposed to download like five minutes (or months) ago. Oh, and if you don’t know what Jezebel is, it’s this rawkin’ feminist blog. Check that out too.

Slow Motion Disco --

Songza’s description: Inspired by pioneering DJs, leftfield disco, and the spacier side of synth-driven music, modern-day disco producers slow down the BPMs and explore hypnotic, psychedelic moods that move both the mind and the body.

my recommended usage: I use this playlist during my celebratory struts around the neighborhood with my husky and/or shepherd after I’ve successfully written something for a specified block of time. The vibe has the perfect walking rhythm to it in the way that “Stayin’ Alive” does, but the music is nothing like that. It’s spacier and more inspired. The songs are long without being boring, allowing you to get lost in a sweaty summer walkabout, after your work is done, of course.

find it: songza.com/listen/slow-motion-disco

-or-

say it with me: get the damn app and experience a heightened-to-the-divine music app love. 

tell me how much you love Songza here: mixtressrae@yahoo.com

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: All the Way.

episode 106.
airdate: 30 Oct 2001.

Halloween episode. Xander is a pirate, Anya is a Charlie's Angel, and Giles is a wizard.

Dawn is stealing things from the shop again. It's super busy.  Spike is lurking in the basement.

There's a humming old man walking into his house with scary music. He's making something for the kids for Halloween and he's all creepy. Everyone's exhausted after the Halloween rush at the store. As Xander and Buffy are watching Anya and Dawn doing the dance of "capitalist superiority" at the cash register, Xander says, "I'm gonna marry that girl" and Buffy says, "Ew, she's 15, and my sister!" Did Joss already know they'd be together later? This is the second time I've wondered that. And he'd only be 20 or 21 at this point, so it's really not that gross that he's only 5 years older than her. It makes more sense than I thought it would. And the eye patch? He definitely knew about Xander's eye, which WHYWHYWHY hasn't Willow fixed that yet? She can bring B back from the dead, but can't fix Xander's eye or turn Amy back into a human? WTF? Ok, foreshadowing/spoiler rant endeth.

So, this is the moment he finally announces their engagement...finally. They have a little engagement party. Willow does magic to decorate for the party. Giles and Tara both disapprove. Tara says, "Why use magic when you can do something naturally?" They fight. Dawn sees and Willow says, "We're done." Bitch! You don't get to declare a fight over. Tara SOO needs to leave her. Dawn is going out with friends. Yeay, Dawn has friends. She tells them she's doing something that she isn't, I can't remember what. She's supposed to be staying the night with a friend and that friend told her mom she's staying at Dawn's. They're meeting the friend's bf and his friend. They're doing typical mean teenager Halloween stuff. It's lame. They end up at that old man's house. He's creepy according to the neighborhood, so knocking on the door is apparently a dare-type activity. He invites them in. The boys insist. He used to be a toy designer. He has treats for them and keeps calling himself "Daddy". He's creepy and everything, but the real danger is that the two boys are vampires. One of them kills the old man in the kitchen. They run out and the girls don't yet know they're vamps.

Xander is looking really nervous talking with everyone about "life plans". Buffy comforts him on the porch. "I'm wallowing, not drowning" says Xander. Buffy goes to patrol with Spike. The vamp that ate the old guy is macking on Dawn and he seems super sweet. Gives her his coat when she's cold, etc. Buffy sees an ambulance taking away a woman with a vamp-bite as she's on her way to find Spike. Dawn's friend's mom calls and tells Giles they did the "round Robin" thing of staying the night, etc. Giles tells everyone, dispenses a plan. Dawn is super nervous, hanging out in the car (a car the other vamp-dude stole) with one of the vamps. They kiss. Her first kiss.

Tara and Willow go to the Bronze to look for Dawn. Willow wants to do a spell to shift everyone that isn't a 15-year old girl into another dimension, but Tara stops her and they start fighting again. Willow mutes the crowd so they can fight in a cone of silence. Tara says, "What do you want me to do? Just keep my mouth shut?" Willow says yes. Bitch!

It's out that they're vamps and Dawn and Jenna are officially in danger. When B gets to Spike's he tells her Dawn's missing, as Giles has already gotten to him. He's in the cemetery when he hears screaming. It's Janet (Dawn's friend), the vamp is chewing on her. He says "she was asking for it". Giles says "I feel certain she wasn't." Awesome. Janet has been portrayed (as far as how she's dressed and the fact that she's a "bad girl" type, though she never acted stupid or stereotypically slutty) as the type a guy would say "asked for it" so this is a good time for commentary on how a women is NEVER asking for it. Yeay for that little moment. Giles fights and kills the vamp. Dawn is being bewitched by her vamp when Giles shows up. A whole bunch of other vamps show up at that moment. Giles and Dawn are surrounded. That's when Spike and B show up. Buffy yells at Dawn. They all fight. Giles stakes two in a row, super hot. Buffy decapitates one with a car door. Dawn and her vamp are alone and you think Dawn is in peril, but she stakes him with a pencil. Giles suggests discipline for Dawn, for lying to them and B thanks him for taking care of it and goes up to bed. Giles does talk to her.

Willow and Tara fight some more. Tara wants to sleep, gets into bed mad and Willow does a spell to make her forget. Bitch! I'm so mad at Willow. So mad.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: No Place Like Home.

episode 83,
airdate: 24 Oct 2000.

Opening: shuffling monks. They're moving fast..."Two Months Ago". Doing a spell. Chanting. Something is after them.

"Now": Buffy is fighting a butch vampire. She finds a glowy ball at the scene of the slaying, which is some sort of industrial area.

It's the grand re-opening of the Magic Box and Giles is wearing a wizard outfit. The shot is held for 8 whole seconds going between Giles in his silly outfit (complete with hat) and Buffy judging him. He takes off the cape and hat. Joyce is still getting headaches and they're worse.

Giles: It (the glowy orb thing) appears to be paranormal in origin.
Willow: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.

Buffy goes to the hospital to fill a prescription for her mom when she sees the security guard that she met at the industrial area where she killed the vamp. He's uncontrollably crazy now. She also formerly meets Ben. And then we see Glory for the first time. Anya comes into the magic shop complaining about money. Buffy comes in shortly after claiming her mom's sickness is supernatural. Glory is already rambling about "The Key" in only her second scene. She's torturing a monk. He refuses to tell her anything. She goes a little nutty (ok, a lot nutty) and then sucks the brain out of a security guard she also has captive.

Meanwhile, Giles is overwhelmed by all the customers in the magic shop. Everyone is helping and Anya is really enjoying it. Anya suggests a trance to see all spells in the area to see if something is affecting her mother. Buffy does the trance thing all by herself. Insert calming "restless"esque music here. She achieves the trance and walks around her house to check the magic/spell status. Her mom is totally normal...no spells anywhere, but the picture behind her head with her, her mother and Dawn keeps changing with Dawn fading in and out. So she goes to Dawn's room and sees it changing from her room to what it was before (some kind of storage area). When she sees Dawn she tells her "You're not my sister." She thinks she is messing with her mom and confronts her. Dawn is scared. Giles calls as Buffy and Dawn are staring at each other, tells her the glowy orb is called the Dagon Sphere.

Spike is lurking outside Buffy's house. She punches him.

Buffy: What are you doing here? Five words or less.
Spike: (counting on his fingers with each word) Out. For. A. Walk....Bitch.

He's being all stuttery and cute. Obvs he was NOT there on a stroll because there are like 15 cigarette butts by the tree he was standing behind. *claps and squeals* I love Spike being into Buffy. Buffy encounters Glory who is FREAKishly strong. Giles, Willow, and Xander are exhausted after the long day at the magic shop, but Anya is all energized. Giles offers her a job. Xander calls Giles "Big G". I never noticed that before. Glory is really beating up Buffy. She rescues the monk and jumps out the window with him, escaping. The monk is dying. He tells Buffy she has to protect "The Key". That it's a portal. That it used to have no form at all. That they (he and some other monks) made the Key human and sent it to her to protect it. He tells her everything, that the monks built the memories of Dawn, but Dawn herself is now human and doesn't know she's not.

Wow, I didn't remember they reveal all this already. The day Glory is introduced we find out who Dawn is. So soon!

Buffy goes home. She goes to talk to Dawn, apologizes for the confrontation from before and treats her like a sister she loves.