Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Same Time, Same Place.

episode 125.
airdate: 8 Oct 2002.

Before I start this ep, I wanted to mention that I read an academic paper on the character of Spike today (slayageonline.com) and the author (Andrew F. Herrmann) mentioned two reasons Spike was never looking to get his chip removed, which are both totally DUH. Why didn't I think of them? So, the first reason is that in Buffy they've always been very clear about the human/mystical rules. Human deaths have to be dealt with by human rules and vise versa. Spike's chip is a human device. He would not have gone to a shaman to take the chip out of his head. I was completely distracted by the plot device of Spike saying over and over that the Slayer will get what she deserves. It just threw me that Spike would be using the same language he has always used when his intention was to KILL the Slayer. And he kept calling her "bitch" too. If he was as remorseful as we now know he was, why was he using that language? The only reason is to make us, the audience, THINK his intentions were other, and that's just cheap. Anyway, the second reason Spike was for sure intent upon a soul (and I REALLY feel like a dunce for this one) is that he could hurt Buffy with the chip. He didn't need it to be removed in order to kill her, if that was his intent. I feel sooo stupid for that one. So Spike's character growth (with respect to Buffy) is essentially thus: he was obsessed with killing her and failed, so the want to possess her changed from kill to fuck...then after being neutered he learned a bit of what it's like to be good, so that fuck turned to love and then when he realized even while in love with the girl he could still have it in him to try to rape her, he had to change. He had to BECOME the "man" he was on the precipice of becoming for the last couple of years. Cool.

Ok, on with an episode NOT entirely to do with Spike: Dawn, Xander, and Buffy are waiting for Willow at the airport. Xander is bragging about how he saved the world with his mouth (talking). They don't see her get off the plane.

We see the scene replay with Willow getting off the plane, not seeing anyone waiting for her.

A demon attacks a graffiti artist.

Willow arrives back at Buffy's. Her old room is now Buffy's, I think. No one is home. The guys get home at the same time she did, but don't see her. So they can't see or hear her. Or feel her, because they're sitting on the same couch she's laying upon. Except Willow hears the door shut when Xander closed it and they hear something upstairs just as they shut the door. Why would they hear that, but not anything else? Willow sees Anya. Anya sees her back. She's remorseful about the destruction of Anya's shop, which she is still cleaning up. Anya's wearing labradorite, I think. Willow goes to find Xander at his site, but doesn't see him. She finds a de-skinned guy that Xander and Buffy are looking at too. Xander and Buffy are suspecting maybe Willow did it. Willow goes to the school to find Buffy, or Dawn, or Spike (Anya told her Spike's "insane in the basement".). She finds Spike. Spike is talking to both Buffy and Willow, but since he's crazy, no one thinks anything of it. "Everyone's talking to me. No one's talking to each other." Now we see it from Xander and Buffy's POV. Again, why is he in the basement of the school?

Willow goes to Anya's apartment for help. I heart Anya, reason 357:
Willow: So, will you help me?
Anya: Is it difficult or time-consuming?

Anya and Willow do a spell to reveal all the demons in town. The Hellmouth section on the map catches on fire. Willow asks Anya to teleport to a spot on the map she thinks might be the thing that killed the boy and Anya says she's only allowed to teleport on official business now and that her job isn't as fulfilling as it used to be. "Turns out it's really upsetting." They kind of bond. Dawn, Xander, and B are in research mode. Dawn finds a demon that paralyzes its victim, then uses its huge fingernails to strip the skin off him/her. They decide to use Spike to lead them to the trail of blood that the demon had to have tracked back to its lair. Spike leads them to a cave. Willow finds it too. Dawn gets slashed by the demon and they take her out and seal the cave, essentially sealing Willow in. The demon is taunting Willow, talking about her friends leaving her to die. Buffy calls Anya to come watch Dawn while they go back and kill the demon. Anya mentions helping Willow and they're all like "You saw Willow?" and Anya mentions she was going to a cave. So now they know Willow might be there in trouble. They take Anya with them after all. Poor Willow is getting eaten. Anya sees Willow when they don't and Anya reassures Willow that Buffy and Xander are there. Buffy kills the demon and Anya goes to find help and Buffy and Xander start talking to where Willow is and then she appears. The next morning Buffy sees Willow meditating in her old room. Meditation healing. They talk. Willow tells B she was so worried about seeing her and Xander, that she did the spell. Buffy admits that she thought it was Willow that did the flaying. Willow understands. Buffy meditates with Willow to help her heal. It's sweet.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Beneath You.

episode 124.
airdate: 1 Oct 2002.

Germany, a "Run Lola Run" sequence...another girl running from something unseen. She's super awesome-looking with pink hair and a nose ring. She gets killed. She says after she was killed, "From beneath you, it devours." Buffy's first prophetic dream in a looooonnng time. In the last ep the speech the First (all the different dead folk talking to Spike at the end) was talking about going back to the beginning. Going back to Buffy basics. It's a bookend. Spike is hunting rats in the basement. There's an earthquake. Xander is driving the Summers' women to school. Buffy's first day as a counselor. First thing she does is go try to find Spike.

Back in England, Willow is preparing her trip home. She's reluctant to go. He asks her what she's afraid of. What if, what if, what if? He tells her to trust herself, but he can't guarantee her friends will want her back.

A woman walking her dog. The dog gets eaten and she runs into Xander and he takes her back to B's. Spike shows up looking normal, says he needs to talk. He mentions the basement and they're all like "What? Why didn't you tell me?" Spike says something is coming. "Big, ugly, and damned." He says he can lend a hand if she'll let him. Xander is flirting with Nancy, the one whose dog is now eaten. That probably wasn't grammatically correct, but something is wrong with my brain today. It's all fuzzy and lame. So, I refuse to care about grammar, damnit!

The plan is that Xander take Nancy home, Buffy and Spike are going after whatever ate the dog, and Dawn is staying home. Xander reminds Buffy Spike tried to rape her and she reminds him she can take him. Dawn threatens Spike, tells him if he ever hurts Buffy, he'll wake up on fire. Buffy asks Spike what happened to him. He tells her it's something about the angry dead in the basement. She's still shaken up about the attempted rape. She confronts him about it. He says he can't say sorry or ask for forgiveness, but he's changed. He basically tells her he's there, and she can use him if she wants, for help with Apocalypses and shit. She says there's something he's not telling her and he says there is, but since they're not BFF anymore, he's not telling. He leaves.

Xander is super charming. Nancy asks him out, the ground dog-eating thing is after them. It looks like a penis with teeth. It comes out that Nancy has an ex who's a psycho. Nancy made a wish to Anya, apparently. Xander, Nancy, Buffy, and Spike find Anya at the Bronze. Nancy is a little overwhelmed by all the drama between everyone (Spike with Anya, Anya with Xander, Spike with Buffy). Anya notices the soul in Spike. Spike and Anya start fighting, then Buffy jumps in. He's mean. Nancy leaves and the worm-monster that is her ex is after her again. Buffy and Spike help her. Xander talks Anya into reversing the spell. Spike stabs the worm-monster just as he turns back into Nancy's ex and Spike's chip goes off. So we know he still has that. He looks shocked for a second. Then he starts muttering crazy again after apologizing to the guy. Buffy calls the police. During Spike's rant he says "From beneath you, it devours." He runs. Nancy leaves. Xander and Anya show. Buffy goes after Spike. Finds him in a church. He's super nutty. Keeps talking about a "spark". Ok, he wanted the soul. He starts talking about trying to find the "spark". The missing piece that would make him fit. Through his mutterings, Buffy realizes the "spark" is his soul. She asks him why and he says, "To be the kind of man that would never..." He hugs a cross, sizzling. "Can we rest now?" Buffy is crying.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Lessons.

episode 123.
airdate: 24 Sept 2002.

Season opens in Istanbul. Nice music. A woman is being chased.

Buffy is teaching Dawn to slay. They're talking about something ominous that's back. The high school. Where the hell were they going to school this whole time?

Giles is riding a frickin' horse in a peaceful countryside. Willow is making a flower grow with magic. Willow is talking about how everything is connected. Willow is learning from the Devon coven, I guess. Willow no longer has the choice to not do magic, because it's a part of her and she is responsible for/to it. "In the end we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed." says Giles.

Dawn's getting ready for her first day at the new high school. Xander has the blueprints for the high school. The Hellmouth is now under the principal's office. Buffy gives Dawn a cell phone as a first day of school gift. Do they EVER use that cell phone, aside from mayyyybe this episode? This is 2002, so it's still believable that a small town like Sunnydale didn't use them a lot then, I suppose. I had one starting in like 2000. Everyone is suuuuuper worried about the rebuilt high school when no one has even really mentioned the Hellmouth for three years. This episode is very bright, though. Already, we're meant to think this season won't be nearly as dark as the last. Buffy meets the principal before Dawn even makes it to class. "That was suspicious." It's much brighter than the old high school. I'm not into that. Buffy pokes around. She immediately sees dead things in the bathroom, of course. Buffy barges into Dawn's classroom embarrassing her.

Halfrek and Anya are having coffee. Halfrek tells Anya she's not very hardcore as a vengeance demon anymore. Also tells her there's something coming. "It's a bad time to be a good guy."

Buffy goes to tell Xander about the angry dead she saw in the bathroom. Dawn sees something in her class later. They're acting like she doesn't know anyone, but wouldn't she? It's not like everyone would be new...new to the school, but wouldn't some of her classmates have existed at whatever other school they went to during the interim of the school being rebuilt? Dawn sees someone crying in the bathroom that also saw something. They start getting attacked.

Meanwhile, Willow is freaking out about something. She feels the earth, some of it is deep black and not good. Something about the Hellmouth opening and "swallowing us all". They're not wasting any time on fluff episodes this season! Buffy runs into the principal again and he tells her he's read her file, all the violence in her school past, etc. Dawn and the chick she met in the bathroom find someone in the basement. The angry dead are talking about how everyone dies there, etc. Dawn calls Buffy, she goes to help her. The angry dead are taunting Buffy, telling her she let them die, didn't protect her, etc.  The high school was built on their graves.

And there's Spike in the basement. Why would he be in the school's basement? That doesn't make any sense. Why wouldn't he be at home in his crypt? He looks different. He's crazy. Muttering. Not making any sense. He's been cutting himself, tried to cut out his heart. Buffy can't figure out what the angry dead are. Spike knows..."manifest spirits controlled by a talisman". Buffy asks Spike to help, but he's too nuts, so Buffy leaves him. Dawn is fighting the angry dead, Xander is looking for a talisman, per Buffy's cell phoned instructions. Buffy shows and helps fight. They're just holding off the angry dead while Xander finds and destroys the talisman. Buffy saw it earlier in the bathroom. He does and the angry dead disappear. Dawn asks Buffy how she knew about the talisman and she says "There's always a talisman." So she's hiding her knowledge of Spike, of course.

The principal sees B again and convinces her to be an almost-peer counselor. Warren is talking to Spike, then morphs into Glory, then Adam, then the Mayor, then Drusilla, then the Master, finally Buffy. They are not wasting ANY time. They've already introduced the Big Bad, revealed Spike, and Buffy already has her new job and something spooky has already happened at the high school. Whoa.

Commentary (by Joss Whedon and David Solomon) notes added 5.3.13: 

The cemetery during the teaser is actually an indoor set. So THAT'S why this scene looks so weird. It really doesn't look like the outdoors. It's all yellow. The shots in England were shot in Tony's front yard. I'm so bored with these commentaries. This is only the seventh one I've watched. Am I not a real fan? Maybe they're just bad in the seventh season. And I'm watching them backwards so maybe that will add an element of interesting to it. At least in the ones with Joss, if he's not interesting, he comments on the absurdity of his uninterestingness.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Grave.

episode 122.
airdate: 21 May 2002.

Buffy wakes up right after Giles arrives. Willow taunts Giles. So, like, I'm totally scared of Willow right now, but it's still pretty cool. When she reminds Giles he called her a "rank, arrogant amateur", then her eyes turn black again and her voice gets all deep and she says, "Well, I've gone pro." it gives me goosebumps of villain awesomeness. I can't help it. She could rip out someone's beating heart like Akasha right now, or set things on fire with her mind like Carrie. She's a force!

Giles has some good magic to counter Willow. He binds her in a ring of energy. Buffy and Anya both hug Giles. Giles heard about what's going on with Willow from a coven in Devon. "Dark force powered by grief." Buffy updates Giles on everything that's been going on. "Dawn's a total klepto. Xander left Anya at the alter and she's a vengeance demon again. I've been sleeping with Spike." Giles just stares at her for like five seconds, then starts laughing hysterically.

Willow uses telepathy to manipulate Anya into letting her out of the binding spell. Giles said he should never have left. Buffy says he was right to leave. She tells him it took a long time to feel like she was really "here" in the world. She still doesn't understand why she's back. She asks what will happen to Willow. The coven is trying to find a way to extract her power without killing her but there's no guarantee she'll be herself. Willow comes in just then and says "Willow doesn't live here anymore."

Xander is feeling sorry for himself. Tells Dawn Spike tried to rape Buffy.

Spike glimpse #4. He's been through trial 2. Trial 3 has something to do with bugs. He says something about the Slayer "getting what's coming to her" etc. It sounds menacing, but could be interpreted either way. I'm just not sure his original intentions were good.

Tons of destruction at the magic shop. Giles is pretty beat up. Willow sends a ball of fire after the boys (and anyone protecting them) so Buffy will run after them to try to help, so she can have Giles to herself. She tortures him a bunch. Giles tells her she'll burn out her mystical energies soon. She steals all of Giles' magic. She gets high on the magic for a moment, says she is connected to everything. Suddenly she feels pain, emotion, everyone's pain. Giles tells her she can stop the pain. She agrees.

The ball of fire reaches Jonathan, Xander, Dawn and Andrew. Buffy pushes them out of the way just in time, but the ground opens up and Dawn and Buffy fall into it. They were in the cemetery, so now they're surrounded by coffins. Andrew and Jonathan run for "Mexico". Anya emerges to be with Giles, who says he's dying, that he can feel Willow, that she's going to end the world. Buffy can't climb out of this grave. Dawn confronts Buffy about the attempted rape. Buffy tells her she is trying to protect her. Dawn tells her she can't protect her from everything. Xander wakes up and Buffy instructs him to find some kind of rope to get them out. Anya teleports into the grave to tell B Willow plans to end the world. She's on her way to a Satanic temple that she's unearthing from underground. Anya says Giles said "No magic or supernatural force can stop her." Anya says she wants to get back to Giles because he doesn't have a lot of time left. Buffy yells for Xander, but he's gone.

Willow talks to B telepathically, tells her "It was me who took you out of the earth. Well now, the earth wants you back." Monsters come out of the earth. They each have a sword and Buffy asks Dawn to help her. Finally, they'll let her grow up a bit. Willow begins the destruction at the Satanic temple. Xander steps in front of Willow's magic. He makes a carpenter joke. She throws him. She never targeted Xander. Dawn kills her first creature. Cool moment. They're fighting back to back.

Willow starts her thing again and Xander gets in the way again. Xander tells Willow she's his best friend, so where else would he be if the world is going to end? "Is this the master plan? You're gonna stop me by telling me you love me?" The first time I saw this on May 21st 2002 I thought, wayyyy before this moment, that someone just needs to tell her they love her. And this is exactly what Xander does. She keeps knocking him down and he keeps getting up to tell her he loves her. He tells a cute story about kindergarten Willow. "I love crayon-breaky Willow and I love scary vein-y Willow. If you want to kill the world, start with me. I've earned that." Every time he says it, she slashes him, but he keeps saying it. Keeps walking closer to her. Then she starts crying and he hugs her. The earth demons stop attacking and Giles sits up at the magic shop. Giles explains that Willow has been stopped. The magic she stole from him was good magic, reconnected with her humanity. Giles knows Xander saved them all. He reconnected with her humanity.

Buffy starts crying. Happy crying. She doesn't want the world to end. She doesn't want to return to the grave. She hugs Dawn and tells her she'll start trusting her and she's sorry for the last year. Says she's excited to see the woman Dawn will become. So the season ends with Buffy climbing out of the grave, just like it began, but this time, Sarah McLachlan takes us out with the Prayer of Saint Francis. Yeah, baby. "It's in giving that we receive."

Spike: He's survived the trials. "Make me what I was." "We will return your soul." So, there you have it. The language was ambiguous, so I still don't know. Maybe he reveals it in the next season. Cool. I'm so ready for season 7. It's a really good season.

Commentary (by Jim Contner and David Fury) notes added 5.4.13: 

I'm going to try to be more involved in these commentaries. No more opening Tumblr in a different tab and spacing off. They wanted to have Buffy fight the dragon that was unleashed when the hell dimension was opened with Dawn's portal at the end of season 5, but couldn't because of budget. That would have been cool, because yeah, they never dealt with that. What happened with that dragon? In the episodes where Sarah has to laugh, they always talk about it in the commentaries. She's an actress that can do everything but laugh, apparently. And I didn't use to notice this, but now I can't NOT notice it. It's kind of sad because I now can't enjoy the Giles/Buffy laughing scene in this episode.

They wanted to destroy the Magic Box in the scene between Giles and Willow because of the symbolism of their epic magic fight. I still just can't stand watching property get destroyed. Never have been able to not cringe during scenes like that, though it's even worse now, post-tornado. Post-myownhousebeingdestroyed. Right after, I couldn't even handle seeing intact houses (like in "Modern Family", "Gilmore Girls", etc) because I would unconsciously imagine them being destroyed AND also because I was seethingly jealous of people that had intact houses.

Anya, like Spike, was meant to be a short-lived character, but fortunately, the writers/directors etc saw how awesome Emma Caulfield  was and wrote her in as Xander's love interest. Xander's love interests (Anya and Cordelia) is one of the reasons I love Xander, because he appreciates blunt women.

This is the only season finale not written or directed by Joss. Of course, he still decided most of the major plot points and Xander's speech mostly storyboarded (I hope that's the right word) by Joss.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Two To Go.

episode 121.
airdate: 21 May 2002.

So the "two to go" in the title refers to Jonathan and Andrew and also two to go in the season. It confuses me that she's targeting the two boys that didn't kill her girlfriend, but we're supposed to believe that killing a human changes a person. Willow now CANNOT be reasoned with and we need to start really being scared of her. Here we go!

Anya, Xander, and Buffy are in pursuit. Xander is nauseated thinking that Willow did this. Anya teleports to the jail to try to help Jonathan and Andrew. Buffy runs super fast to get there and Xander feels impotent because Willow ruined his car and he doesn't have special powers. Andrew and Jonathan are hilarious. So glad we get to have Andrew next season. Anya shows up and briefs them on what's up. Anya tries to convince the prison guard to let them out. Willow shows up outside like a black tornado. She makes a dramatically unnecessary entrance. She's throwing policemen and pulling the bricks out one by one. While Willow is wasting time being dramatic, Buffy comes in the front door and gets them out. Xander has a getaway police vehicle. Willow catches up as Jonathan is expressing how he can't believe what they're running from is Willow who used to pack her own lunches at school, etc. Luckily she starts running out of juice and they're able to get a bit ahead.

Dawn convinces Clem to let her out to help Willow somehow.

Spike glimpse #2. His first trial begins. He has to fight a big burly dude with flamey hands.

Dawn has convinced Clem to lead her to Rack. They're back at the magic shop. Anya has found some protection spells. Since they suspect Willow is running low on magic, they know she's probably re-juicing. So she goes to Rack, of course. She sucks all the magic from him. Clem and Dawn arrive shortly thereafter. Dawn and Willow meet for the first time since Tara's death. She's killed Rack. Dawn tells her she misses Tara too. Willow taunts Dawn. Buffy arrives as Willow is threatening her.

Xander and Anya are trying to translate Sumerian for the protection spell. Xander confesses that he saw the gun right before Warren raised it, but he froze. Xander feels useless.

Buffy tells Willow "You have to remember you're still Willow." Willow tells B the only thing she had going for her was Tara and now she's gone. Buffy starts with a speech about living. As they're talking Willow transports the three of them to the magic shop. Her magic doesn't penetrate, 'cause I guess a protection spell is in effect. Anya is standing behind a shelf chanting.

Spike glimpse #3. Still fighting flaming hands guy. He's all singed, but he prevails. Trial 2 begins now.

Willow does a spell to make herself super-strong and her and B go at it. Destroying everything in the magic shop. Xander takes Dawn, Jonathan, and Andrew and runs. Anya stays behind to work the protection spell. Just 'cause she's strong doesn't mean she knows how to fight...'course she does, but that's never a thing in shows. Strength does not necessarily equal skill. Willow discovers Anya chanting. Willow knocks Anya and Buffy out. "There's no one in the world that has the power to stop me now."

Then Giles shows up!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Villains.

episode 120.
airdate: 14 May 2002.

Ambulance arrives and Xander leads the medics to B. Willow is wailing upstairs and doesn't even notice the sirens. Willow invokes Osiris to bring Tara back. She is refused because Tara's was a human death by human means. Willow comes out as the ambulance is leaving with Buffy and asks Xander how it happened. She hears the word Warren and leaves. Xander was probably too freaked to see all the blood on her shirt. He tries to call after her, but has to get in the ambulance.

Warren goes to the demon bar bragging that he killed the Slayer with a gun in her own backyard. They all laugh hysterically, because it was on the news and she lived, so now they know the Slayer will be after him. Willow enters the magic shop and sucks all the dark arts books dry. Her eyes and hair turn black. Anya tried to stop her, but couldn't. Dawn gets home and finds Tara.

Warren has gone to see Rack. He needs magic to fight the Slayer, he thinks. Rack tells him he really needs to worry about Willow. At the hospital they're working on Buffy still. It looks dire. Willow comes in and saves Buffy by magically pulling the bullet from her chest and healing the wound. Willow's eyes turn to normal after Buffy wakes up, says they have to go find Warren. Warren is trying to skip town. Buffy, Xander, and Willow are in a car. Willow is controlling the car with magic. She stops the bus with Warren on it with her mind. She chokes Warren, but it's a robot decoy. Buffy tries to stop Willow; this is when she tells them Tara's dead. Buffy tells Willow they'll find Warren, that he'll go to jail, but they can't kill a human. Xander tells her the magic is too strong and she won't come back from it. She looks at them a long minute then says she's not coming back, then walks away shooting them back with lightning to keep them from stopping her. When they get back to the house they find Dawn in the room with Tara. She's been there for hours.

The coroners come and take Tara. Xander says Warren will be a dead man if Willow finds him. Dawn says, "Good." Buffy does her speech about how we don't do it that way, we can't meddle with humans, bla bla, but I'm with Dawn and Willow on this one. Warren needs justice. Dawn wants to come with them to find Willow, but B says she should be where she feels safe and Dawn says she wants to go see Spike. B says ok and Xander starts to protest "After what he did to..." but she stops him. So maybe he did know what Spike tried to do...yeah, he did.

When they get to Spike's, Clem is there. He offers them lemonade. Clem is housesitting for Spike, tells them he left town. Buffy asks if Dawn can stay with Clem. Clem is the cutest. We glimpse Spike in the desert somewhere. He goes into a tribal-y cave with lots of spooky cave paintings. Something with glowing eyes asks if he seeks him. Spike says yes. "You want to return to your former self?" The glowy-eyed demon tells Spike he used to be a legendary warrior "look what she's reduced you to?" "..and you demand restoration?" 'Course, what does Spike want, is the question? I'm not entirely sure if what he wanted originally was the chip removed or his soul restored. I'd like to think he wants his soul, but does he? Does he really? It would solve his cognitive dissonance. It would get him closer to the object of his desire. Is this what he truly wants? I need clues. Must pay attention. Spike needs to endure lots of trials to get what he wants.

Xander goes to talk to Anya and she tells him what happened. Anya can feel that Tara is gone. And tell where Willow is. Xander asks if that's leftover from her demon days and she says "not leftover". So now he knows she's a vengeance demon again. And Buffy comes in shortly after and she now knows too. They go together to find Willow, the three of them. Warren puts an ax through Willow's back. She gets up and pulls it out. He launches an explosive at her and she turns it to ice. Warren tells her it was an accident, killing Tara. He captures her in a viscous fluid of some kind. She gets out pretty fast and has vines trap him in a tree.

Willow realizes Tara wasn't the first girl he killed. He says some shithead stuff about all women being the same. He starts screaming for help. Willow gets the bullet she took out of Buffy and magics it slowly into his chest. She sews his mouth shut. Anya, B, and Xander catch up to her as Warren is apologizing, telling Willow she's not a bad person. She interrupts him, "Bored now" and skins him. "One down" she says.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Seeing Red.

episode 119.
airdate: 7 May 2002.

Tara and Willow in bed together. Lots of doing it occurred. Willow confesses she suspects something might be happening between Spike and Buffy. Tara tells her how Buffy told her what was going on, and how it happened. Willow goes to check on her, but she never came home. Willow sees Dawn in the hall and they talk about finding out about Spike and Buffy. Tara comes out in a sheet and Dawn is super excited about them being back together. She squeals and everything.

Meanwhile, Buffy has found where the boys live and breaks in and is trying to call them out. The place is booby-trapped with giant buzzsaws. She barely makes it out with a few of their notes and a book. They've decided to find the boys without Anya, Xander, and Spike. Anya is doing vengeance, kinda. Mostly she's lamenting her own issues. The chick she's talking to is trying to wish things, but Anya keeps going on and on.

Dawn goes to see Spike as he's spiking his blood with booze. Asks Spike if he loves Buffy. Tells him what he did with Anya really hurt Buffy, then she leaves. Not sure her motivation there, unless she wants Spike and Buffy together or just wants to understand. "It's complicated, niblet." It's interesting how Joss deals with breakups. They are fluid on Buffy. They're told in present tense often. This is how breakups often are. Pain, relapse, betrayal. It's not like cutting off a limb...more like carrying around a dead limb for a time, jolting it back awake occasionally, before finally dismembering it. Or something. The fluidity of breakups is more true than the way pop culture usually portrays it, anyway.

It's revealed what the troika are doing: some invincibility balls of some kind. Warren gets to use them first, of course. Ooh, what's misogynist-boy going to do now that he's all

?!?

Buffy goes to see Xander who is drinking. He says he understands why Anya did what she did, but not why Buffy had sex with Spike. Buffy tells Xander what she does with her personal life is none of his business and Xander says, "It used to be." He's mean. Chastises her for doing what she did with Spike. Xander's place is a mess. He leaves in a huff. A girl tries to flirt with him at the Bronze, but he's too dismal. The boys show up. 

A vamp throws Buffy up against a tombstone and it hurts her back. Oh, god, this is the scene. *deep breath* She's about to take a bath when Spike shows up. He says they need to talk. He tells her he's sorry, that he originally went to Anya to get a spell for himself to not be in love with her anymore. He again insists that she loves him and she tells him she has feelings, but they're not love. "I could never trust you enough for it to be love." Then he starts insisting she loves him and attempts to rape her. *deep breath* She falls and her back hits the side of the tub. She's screaming for him to stop. It's just awful. She's really vulnerable and we've never seen Buffy like this. Finally she kicks him across the bathroom. "Ask me again why I could never love you." He's horrified at what he's done. He tries to say he "wouldn't" and she says "because I stopped you, something I should have done a long time ago." So, yes, as I've written before, this encounter isn't terribly different than the other times they had sex, only this time she was protesting and his pain was so loud he didn't hear her. This is the kind of situation women usually get raped within. Someone they've had sex with before. Someone they know intimately that just isn't hearing "no". There are many reasons this no isn't heard, many of them to do with our culture, but it doesn't make the man any less culpable. The precedent here is a vampire without a soul victimizing a woman he's obsessed with. He'd been let in before after taunting her and insisting she loves him, though she never told him so. Even a man as evil as Spike has never been seen to force himself upon a woman sexually, though the parallel could be made with forcing himself upon women in the biting and killing sense. Wow, that was upsetting.

Back to the Bronze. Jonathan and Andrew are waiting while Warren tries to mack on a girl. It doesn't work because the chick has a bf. Warren starts a fight. Xander notices and confronts him. Warren punches him across the room. Jonathan distracts him before he kills Xander. Xander goes to B's and sees Spike's leather jacket on the stairs. He barges into the bathroom (why would be do that? she could be pooping, hello!) demanding to know if she's still seeing Spike. He finds her crying on the floor with bruises, asks her if he hurt her. She says, "He tried. He didn't." Xander starts to go after him and she stops him. Willow shows up and Buffy covers the bruises. Not sure if Xander understands the attempted "hurt" was really an attempted rape. Willow has figured something out. The boys are going to rob banks and shit, apparently. 

Spike gets back home and the attempted rape scene is replaying over and over in his head. He pours himself a drink, then crushes the glass in his hands. Clem shows up with chicken. Spike starts ranting. "What have I done? Why didn't I do it? What has she done to me?" He wonders if what he feels is love. Starts ranting about "the chip" not letting him be a monster, and he can't be a man. Decides he's going to force change. We don't yet know what that means, of course. 

Buffy catches up with the boys as they're robbing some kind of truck full of money. Warren calls B a bitch and baby and kitten. Jonathan jumps on B's back and whispers in her ear to "smash his orbs". Warren says to Buffy, "Say goodnight, bitch." She smashes the orbs and says, "Goodnight, bitch." Warren leaves on a jet pack. The cops show up and take Andrew and Jonathan away to jail.

Spike leaves town muttering about when he gets back "things are gonna change". 

The next morning Xander comes over to make up with Buffy. They hug. Warren shows up and shoots several rounds at Buffy. Hits her, and Tara. I don't really see how that happened. Tara's upstairs and Warren is in the backyard, but whatever. It happened. Willow's eyes turn red.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Entropy.

episode 118.
airdate: 30 Apr 2002.

The troika are hunting vamps on vehicles. They miss, Buffy kills them while Spike taunts her.

Xander is listening to sad music and drinking at home. He goes out. Anya was watching him from the bushes.

Willow and Tara are flirting at school. Tara reassures her the woman she saw her with the other day is just a friend. They're all giggly. Buffy and Dawn are spending the day together.

Warren and Andrew are talking about how they're leaving Jonathan soon, or more exactly, that they won't have to worry about him much longer.

Xander gets home and Anya is there. Xander apologizes to Anya about everything. He tells her he was an idiot, that he should have said something earlier about not being ready to get married and her face falls, just as she's starting to get hopeful. She thought they'd just redo the wedding when he wants to start over dating. As her back is turned, her face morphs to demon. She's gone back to vengeance. Anya has been trying to curse Xander herself, but she needs to have someone else make the wish for her. B is trying to spend more time with Dawn, but Dawn suggests she hang out with her, go patrolling, learn some skills. B says no, of course.

Willow and Tara are having a coffee date when Anya shows up and tries to get them to wish horrible things upon Xander. They sympathize with her pain, but won't make any wishes. Anya talks to Dawn next. Then Buffy. Anya's been wearing all red both days she's been back. Xander shows up as Anya is talking to B and she storms off. Buffy talks Xander into NOT following her and he kicks a gnome in the yard. It breaks and they find a camera inside. Xander suspects Spike. Buffy goes to confront him. He tells her "I don't hurt you". She tries to tell him to get over her, but he kicks her out. Anya decides Spike is the one that could wish Xander harm as he comes into the shop in search of a numbing spell, or a de-love spell. Anya produces some whiskey and they drink together. Jonathan is doing a complicated spell for some unknown reason. They've found the location where they need to go, whatever that means.

Spike and Anya are drinking together, lamenting their lost loves. Anya, ultimately, is also an evil creature on a path to redemption. She sure went back to being a demon pretty quickly. So I guess I should be happy for Xander that he got out of that relationship. Perhaps it wouldn't have worked anyway. Willow is trying to find the location of where the camera went back to and she finds out there are other cameras all over town, in places where they all frequent (Xander's site, Willow's school, the Doublemeat Palace, and yep, the Magic Box!).

Cheesy side note: the whiskey they're drinking is Evan Williams and it was supposed to be something Giles left behind at the shop. Giles would totally drink something classier, like Maker's Mark or something. Come on!

Just as Spike and Anya have decided to take solace in one another, which I totally get, by the way. They're both hundreds (in Anya's case, 1000+) years old. They used to be evil and then fell for really nice not-evil humans that left them. It makes COMPLETE sense that they'd do it after sharing a bottle of whiskey. Anyway, just as they're beginning to do it, Willow pulls up the video feed for the Magic Box and Xander, Willow, and B see them doing it. Dawn walks in. Willow notices that Buffy looks really upset. Xander has gone out with weapons. Willow notices. Dawn goes out to talk to Buffy. Willow comes out to tell Buffy Xander left with her ax. Buffy has to go save Spike now. After the sex, Anya feels guilty and it's clear that will never happen again. Spike is respectful without words. As he is leaving he barely misses the ax. Anya stops him from staking Spike just as Buffy shows up.

Xander is meannnnnn, here. He is so not my pretend boyfriend in this episode. He tells her he feels sick looking at her because she "had sex with that". Spike says, "Good enough for Buffy." So now it's out. Everyone knows. Xander leaves, then B. Then Spike and Anya. Everyone is alone.

Except, Tara walks into Willow's bedroom and says the following: When things fall apart, they fall apart so hard. You can't ever put 'em back the way they were. You know, it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect, there's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides, we have to learn if we're even the same people that we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long, important process, and...can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?

And they're reconciled. This season doesn't have much reprieve from the pain, but it sure does make those moments so much sweeter.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Normal Again.

episode 117.
airdate: 12 Mar 2002.

This episode freaks me out. I enjoy the idea that maybe this is ALL in Buffy's head, in the narrative sense, but in the sense that I am EMOTIONALLY involved with this series, I HATE it. I don't like the idea that B could be making all of this up. So, essentially the premise is that this whole time (the 6 years of the series) Buffy has been in a mental hospital in a catatonic state. She's made up being a Slayer, the Hellmouth, everything. They still live in L.A., her parents are still together, Joyce is alive, she doesn't have a sister, etc. Buffy is beginning to "wake up" and see glimpses of her hospital life and in the end of the ep she has to choose between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and being a normal, albeit crazy, girl. It is presented as if either could be real, though the explanation for her visions of the hospital Buffy is a demon who scratched her and something about the scratch infected her with hallucinations or something. I don't know why I'm explaining the whole ep before I watch it...

Pressing play: Buffy is looking for the troika's lair. She's going through a list of new rentals in the area. As she finds the house they're in, they deploy a demon. Ok, the demon didn't scratch her (maybe that was "Earshot"), it stabs her in the arm with a skewer/needle-like thing that comes out from between its knuckles. The very first time it stabs her she's transported to the hospital where the stab is a hypodermic needle trying to calm her down.

Willow is rehearsing asking Tara out for a date when she sees her talking to another woman. They kiss on the cheek. Willow suspects they're dating and leaves without talking to her. Buffy comforts Willow back at home. Xander shows up. He's looking for Anya, but she left town a few days earlier. Xander didn't want to break up, he still wants to date her, etc. He's super sad.

Buffy runs into Spike in the cemetery and she updates him on the Xander/Anya situation. Xander and Willow show up and Xander and Spike start getting testosteroney in each other's direction, then Buffy starts having headaches, being transported to the hospital. This is when the doc tells her she's in a mental institution and she's been there for 6 years. She's flashing in and out of both "realities". She sees her mom in HR (hospital reality) while Xander and Willow get her home to rest in SR (Sunnydale Reality). Spike is upset he can't help (they shut him out when he offers his crypt for her to rest in). Buffy updates Willow, Dawn and Xander on what's going on. The research hath begun. She's in a "multilayered delusion", an "undifferentiated type of schizophrenia", according to HR docs. "Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting her entire history of it to accomodate a need for a familial bond." The doc tells her the "delusion" is falling apart. She doesn't have a fanciful monster to face now, just a couple of kids she went to high school with...he really makes it sound like she's made this whole world up.

Warren and Andrew (in SR) are possibly plotting against Jonathan, who is not on board with the evil that Warren wants to amass. Buffy confides in Willow that she feels lost, detached. Tells Willow she has been to an institution before, back when she was first called as the Slayer. She told her parents about the vampires and they put her in a hospital. She hadn't ever told Willow this. She was there a couple of weeks. "What if I'm still there?" Willow tells her Xander and Spike are out hunting the demon right now, because it carries an antidote to its own poison. B tells Dawn she's ok. "The thousand yard stare really helps sell that." In HR her mom is making her say out loud that she doesn't have a sister. When she slips back into SR, Dawn gets upset that she's not in HR. Xander and Spike tie the demon up in the basement to get the antidote. Willow brings B the antidote. Spike is supposed to watch her to make sure she drinks the antidote, but she tells him to go away and he tells her she's not "drawn to the dark" like he thought, but "addicted to the misery". He thinks she could be at peace if she admitted she wants him and they could, what, have a relationship? He tells her he's going to tell her friends about them if she doesn't. Then he leaves. She pours the antidote in the trash.

In HR she tells the doc and her family that she wants to be healthy again and asks what she has to do. They need her to kill her "fake" friends. Spike has left, so this leaves killing Willow, Dawn, and Xander. Xander gets back to the house after leaving to shower and B hits him with a pan and drags him to the basement where she already has Willow tied up. Then she gets Dawn, who fights back and evades her better than the other two. Xander is the only one without duct tape over his mouth. Why is that? Buffy unchains the demon. Tara shows up as B is hiding under the stairs of the basement watching her friends get attacked. She's flashing back and forth between HR and SR. She thinks she has to just wait it out, but it's really hard for her not to help her friends and sister. Xander is being targeted by the demon and getting his ass kicked. Tara discovers them in the basement and uses magic to untie Dawn and Willow and throw a shelf up against the demon. Buffy grabs her ankle as she comes down the stairs and she falls. They're all up and fighting the demon. Sarah Michelle is doing great. God, she is a phenomenal actress!

In HR, Joyce is telling Buffy she's strong and to believe in herself, etc. She's staring off, banging her head against the wall, screaming out for her friends, when suddenly she stops, looks into her mother's eyes and tells her "You're right. Thank you....goodbye." Then she goes catatonic in HR and fights the demon in SR. She has chosen. This whole series has, in some way, been about how she's just a regular girl with a supernatural gig and a lot of the time, she would rather just be a regular girl, but given the choice, when she truly does not know which reality is real, she chooses the complicated reality. The one with flaws and demons and pain and heartbreak. She chooses to be a superhero, yes, but it's not at ALL a comfortable life. She has now essentially CHOSEN to be the Slayer, instead of it happening to her. That's very powerful. Luckily, she's not too late to save her friends. She tells them she's sorry. They forgive her instantly.

The episode ends in HR with the doc shining a light in B's eyes, telling her parents they've lost her. So freaking powerful. God, that one really pulls at the emotions. Because Joss will never answer the question of if THAT was the really real world. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, because we'd all rather be in the superhero Buffy world. So, we have to choose too. We don't get to know which is real, but wouldn't we all make the same choice? Don't I make the choice every day to live in fantasy worlds in my mind with all the entertainment I consume? Aren't we all a bit catatonic to our boring realities of weird government, work, and social politics? Dude, I choose Buffy, totally.

Commentary notes (by Rick Rosenthal and Diego Gutierrez) added 5.4.13:

Rick and Diego are lamenting that this episode isn't the last of the season. I'm really glad it's not. It makes more sense as a nugget of possibility. It has a lot of weight by itself and would have TOO much weight as a last episode. It would mock you as a finale. It would sway your own personal decision of which reality you choose. So to sum up, glad these two (who I've never heard of before this commentary) didn't get to choose where this episode went in the season arc. Watching these commentaries backwards (backwards episode order) is my way of drawing upside down. Seeing the show regress (I'm hoping) will teach me more about the show. More about fantasy fiction maybe.

In the scene where Spike tries to get close (figuratively and in reality) to Buffy as she's holding the antidote, he recoils from the light in her bedroom as he's advancing, telling her how he feels. Can't go into the light, can't get close. It's telling about his character, not being able to be a monster or a man.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Hell's Bells.

episode 116.
airdate: 5 Mar 2002.

I get that this is the "everyone is imploding" season, but Xander REALLLLY doesn't have to. I hate this episode. Let's get it over with. I can even see this episode occurring, up until the part where Xander leaves Anya. That part is sooo lame, Xander.

Buffy and Willow hate their bridesmaids dresses. Anya thinks they look beautiful. Xander's family is obnoxious, bigoty, and mean. An old guy materializes just as Xander says "Now nothing on Earth can stop this wedding now." I wonder if the marriage would have happened if Anya hadn't insisted on all the crazy planning. Buffy helps Xander get dressed and she's "happy tear-y". Tara and Willow are helping Anya get dressed and they're all flirty and cute. Anya is practicing her vows and they're all sweet and cute. "I get to be with my best friend forever!" Spike arrives at the wedding with a date. The mysterious old guy shows up at the wedding and pulls Xander aside, tells him he's him from the future. Makes him look at a crystal ball to show him his future. Xander's dad mades crude remarks to B. After Xander looks at the crystal he's transported to a drunken future with two kids. His back's "shot" because of some fight for Buffy. He's transported to an even further future where they fight in public with their older kids. Then even further with more fighting and Xander coming at Anya with a frying pan. The future-Xander tells him he can't marry Anya.

Buffy and Spike talk. She admits she's jealous of his date, but it doesn't change anything. Spike decides he'll go. He tells her it's nice to watch her being happy, for Xander and Anya. Xander is pacing in the kitchen. Willow comes in. They hug. He says he needs a second to work on his vows and steps out. Buffy has to stall as Willow goes to look for him. Anya is still practicing her vows and she says them one last time and they're very genuine and sweet. Xander is walking in the rain through town as the voiceover of Anya's vows continue.

Everyone is getting anxious waiting. Anya overhears Dawn telling someone Xander's missing. Then there's pandemonium, lots of fighting and destruction. Anya confronts the old man, after finding out he was the last to talk to him. He turns into a demon. It wasn't Xander from the future, but someone she wreaked vengeance upon. He's there to ruin her life like she ruined his. Buffy fights the demon and Xander shows up. Anya tells him what the demon showed him was lies. Xander finishes the demon off. Everyone applauds and sits back down, then Xander's dad starts the fighting all over. Anya makes them all sit. Her and Xander go talk. Xander is still very upset.

He tells her he's not ready to get married. He's scared of becoming his dad. He thinks they went too fast. Anya has to go and tell everyone there won't be a wedding, but you don't even see her say it, just walking down the aisle slowly with tears. She's bewildered. Dawn, Willow, and Buffy are wondering where Xander is later and talking about the whole thing. The episode ends with Xander checking into a gross motel room and Anya being comforted by D'Hoffryn, her old vengeance demon boss.

Maybe this really was meant to happen. Anya was defined by Xander from the moment she was no longer defined by being a demon. After all the mayhem she caused as a demon, this is her karma. Xander is such a good man. He's literally leaving her because he's afraid staying with her will cause her more pain than leaving her now.

Commentary (by David Solomon and Rebecca Rand Kirshner) notes added 5.4.13:

Mirrors and rain are themes in this episode. The mirror of family and the rain is the sadness Xander feels as he uses his family as a mirror to himself? I'm making that up. I wonder if the reason I'm not dealing well with these commentaries is that it's very overstimulating. I'm supposed to do four of these today and I'm on episode three and I'm just exhausted and I've only written like 7 paragraphs. I'm spending all my brainpower trying to find something to write about. Their conversations, understandably, are not planned out, not linear. They're as hard to understand as real life conversations. The fantasy of Buffy and the Joss-talk of the characters makes more sense to me than two people that MADE the art sitting in a room and talking about it. Hmm. I keep waiting to find my niche within these commentaries and I really want to quit, but I need to do this. I need to gather all the information/research on my favorite show ever so that I can eventually write a book about it. Or, failing that, perhaps I'll learn something along the way, writing-wise. I NEED to learn something, writing-wise, because I looked up some graduate degrees online the other day and I would have to go back and take a bunch of English classes to even qualify for a graduate program in writing. I can't afford that AND it sounds exhausting.

Perhaps I'll have an epiphany after watching 33 commentaries in the month of May whilst not really writing ANYTHING about the show while I'm supposed to be watching. Blurgh. Anyway, perhaps my epiphany will be that I cannot, however much I may want to, create my own writing school. There are some free writing courses online that might be total shizz, but I'll try those too. I'll try everything before resorting to more school debt, though I'd really love to be in school again. I love the atmosphere of school. I need to find discipline within myself. Focus beyond the cobwebs in my brain. I have a lot of ideas, but these commentaries are really making me feel like I'm wasting time. This particular one is a lot of bad jokes like the two of these people have never been in a room together. Just, why? Why do a commentary if it's useless? Which is how I tend to feel about a lot of conversations people have in life. There are actually many times (perhaps it's the Aspergers) wherein I feel I could be doing something so much better. I guess a lot of my life is just that. I could be spending my time better. I suppose we're all just chasing the best use of our time in life. As long as we are actively chasing it, we're doing the best we can, right? Right?

And every day is a struggle. I'm learning this. Even if I was David Solomon, writing for Buffy the Vampire Slayer for seven years, I'd still have to find something else after seven extremely fulfilling years working for the best year ever. Even if you win Rupaul's Drag Race in 2012 and you make the best of it by working your ass off all year (Sharon Needles, obviously), you still have to relinquish your crown in 2013. And reconcile the downtimes after the extremely UPtimes. Sort of how I feel now. I had an incredible month of April watching and writing about Buffy and now it's May and I'm attempting to carry on my discipline and keep writing and it's hard and it's not the same and I need to figure out how to do this again. I've been writing about me while Xander and Anya's relationship is ending. Bla bla bla. It is hard though, because all the while I'm writing this, I don't know if anyone reads it. But this is what people do. They do what they're passionate about, without recognition or validation, and they keep doing it until they reach those rare epiphany moments, right? Right?