Top 5 Buffy Significant Others.

Y'all know I have a RELATIONSHIP with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What you may not have known is that upon each re-watch I fall more in love with a different character I may have overlooked before.

I give you my current top 5 characters in Buffy I would so totally date if they were real and I weren't happily married to a man who embodies qualities of all 5 (yes, even the Honorable Mention, Michael. Embrace the similarities!). Oh, um *spoilers* ahead, if you care about that kind of thing.

#5 -- Giles.

Admittedly, though I do at times find him sexy as hell, what I really want from Giles is for him to be to me what he is to Buffy. He gets to be on the list because a) the older I get the more attractive I find him and b) if I were Giles' age and lived in the Buffyverse, I'd totally ask him out. Back to wanting him to be my dad though (ok, that sounded gross. Someone that isn't your dad you can find attractive AND want him to be your dad, right?)...

Giles is smart, protective, witty, goofy, and wise. My whole life I've chosen men in pop culture to be the "dad I never had" (It's a whole thing, but my dad and I were at odds most of my childhood. He wasn't really a "dad" so much as an adult who yelled at me every other weekend. We made up before his death in 2011, but our relationship was never easy.) in my mind, and Giles is really the most satisfying example of a father figure in pop culture. Though he did betray Buffy that one time (he tried to help Wood kill Spike in season 7), he was otherwise consistently supportive of Buffy without coddling her or sugar-coating life. He was willing to say and do the hard things (confronting Willow after bringing B back from the dead, killing Ben when Buffy couldn't, etc) while still being unquestioningly there for Buffy (When her mom dies, that moment when he immediately belays his reaction to comfort Buffy within an INSTANT of realizing what has happened just KILLS me.). If all dads could be like Giles, Cliff Huxtable, and Red from That '70s Show we'd all turn out just FINE, thank you.

#4 -- Spike.

Spike used to be my #1 Blondie Bear, but upon recent re-watchings I've realized how manipulative and terrible he was to Buffy when they were boinking in season 6. As SOON as he finally "got bouncy" with her, he got cocky and started saying controlling boyfriend-type things to her to get her to keep coming back to him. It was really gross. And I still haven't forgiven him this last time around for attempting to rape Buffy. That was a genuinely terrible moment. I kind of glazed over it like it wasn't "no thang" when it first aired (2002), which just tells you how abusive my relationship was at the time. Spike was a fluffy puppy in comparison. Anyway, he is #4 on my list because of his complete loyalty to the woman he loves. It's blind and retarded loyalty (he was willing to kill Drusilla to "prove his love" to Buffy!), but if that loyalty is directed at you, you've gotta respect that. The way he looks at Buffy when he's in love with her and having empathy for her is enough to put him in this list. That look he gets when he's awkwardly trying to comfort Buffy slays me. Even before he got his soul back, he had genuine love for Buffy and Drusilla. He would literally die for Buffy or Drusilla. He treated Harmony like shit though, so I don't know. Spike has the most interesting character arc of any male character on Buffy, and I really genuinely like him, but he would be an unhealthy boyfriend to have. Probably a good lay, however.

#3 -- Tara.

Tara is the perfect girlfriend. She's sweet and loyal and beautiful and awkward and nerdy and smart and empathetic and a good witch. She's just perfection. She has the coolest bedroom ever in the history of television (black walls, crystals, white Xmas lights, candles, jewel tones, etc). She doesn't put up with Willow's shit and she has integrity coming out her ears. There is literally nothing wrong with Tara. I wish Tara had gotten more development on the show, but since she wasn't a main character or a bf of Buffy, she was often too much in the background. She deserves her own comic or something. Origins of Tara? That would be awesome. Anyway, her place on the list starts the practical S.O.s. From here to #1 on my list, these are the relationships that could be forever-material as actual loyal, realistic, fully-actualized relationships to have.

Look, I refrained from posting that topless pic of Nicholas Brendon!

#2 -- Xander.

Xander is loyal, pretty (just look at those eyebrows!), and genuinely good. His character probably changes the least of anyone on the show. He starts off dweeby, cute, and sweet and he stays that way. Extra points for becoming a carpenter! His attraction to weird girls, demons, and tactless-truth-saying females is probably his most endearing quality. He also has mad empathy and delivers the most heartwarming speeches of anyone on the show. Why can't Willow magic him a freaking eyeball?!?! Grrr. He still has the patch in the comics! His refusal to like any vampires ever, even if they have earned redemption-status, is a little annoying, but I forgive him because he's just such a stand-up guy in every other respect. He's a lot like my pretty Mike, too.

I like pictures of pretty people
standing in trees, apparently.

#1 -- Oz.

Pale. Black fingernails. Ever-changing hair color, while being a ginger in his natural state (rawr). Smart. Loyal. Likes weird girls. Taciturn. Philosophical. He's just as perfect as Tara, really. I don't think I was ever mad at Oz, until he left Sunnydale. He needed to go, though. I understand that. I don't know how I could have chosen between Tara and Oz when he comes back after Willow is already beginning a relationship with Tara. Willow gets to have the most perfect boyfriend ever AND the most perfect girlfriend ever in the space of a year. Bitch! Seriously though, Oz makes my heart melt and he is absolutely the boy I'd pursue if I were Willow, and often when I dream about the Buffyverse, Willow is the character I embody. The only thing that could make Oz cooler would be if he could control himself when he was in wolf form, so he could be an asset in a fight and maybe be cuddled as a wolf. That could be cool, but that would require a totally different mythology of werewolves than exists in the Buffyverse. In my mind, he's that kind of werewolf, though. And he has Buddy Holly glasses. Ok, NOW Oz is perfect.

A velvet shirt AND a tree in this one. Ooh!

*Honorable Mention -- Angel.

Initially, Angel was a character I truly didn't give a fuck about. The more I rewatch both Buffy and Angel the more I like Angel. He likes to sit around in the dark and read all broody-like. I can respect that. He can be really funny and he's a good guy as long as he hasn't lost his soul or anything. The way he tirelessly seeks atonement for his evils as a vampire is pretty endearing to me, as well. I do love an angsty boy! I used to not find him attractive at all, but he's grown on me in the last 5 years or so. I absolutely love it when he and Spike bicker. Cutest. I also enjoy all the opportunities the writers of Buffy took in getting any male character topless whenever they could, though I wish Spike and Angel hadn't been intentionally hairless. Let that chest hair grow wild, boys! Angel does look good in velvet, I must say.


Thus concludes my list of Buffy relationships. Here's a couple of other pictures I found that are pretty hilarious:

This looks like if Willow, Xander, and Buffy had been a cool '90s electronic band. Awesome!!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Seeing Red.

episode 119.
airdate: 7 May 2002.

Tara and Willow in bed together. Lots of doing it occurred. Willow confesses she suspects something might be happening between Spike and Buffy. Tara tells her how Buffy told her what was going on, and how it happened. Willow goes to check on her, but she never came home. Willow sees Dawn in the hall and they talk about finding out about Spike and Buffy. Tara comes out in a sheet and Dawn is super excited about them being back together. She squeals and everything.

Meanwhile, Buffy has found where the boys live and breaks in and is trying to call them out. The place is booby-trapped with giant buzzsaws. She barely makes it out with a few of their notes and a book. They've decided to find the boys without Anya, Xander, and Spike. Anya is doing vengeance, kinda. Mostly she's lamenting her own issues. The chick she's talking to is trying to wish things, but Anya keeps going on and on.

Dawn goes to see Spike as he's spiking his blood with booze. Asks Spike if he loves Buffy. Tells him what he did with Anya really hurt Buffy, then she leaves. Not sure her motivation there, unless she wants Spike and Buffy together or just wants to understand. "It's complicated, niblet." It's interesting how Joss deals with breakups. They are fluid on Buffy. They're told in present tense often. This is how breakups often are. Pain, relapse, betrayal. It's not like cutting off a limb...more like carrying around a dead limb for a time, jolting it back awake occasionally, before finally dismembering it. Or something. The fluidity of breakups is more true than the way pop culture usually portrays it, anyway.

It's revealed what the troika are doing: some invincibility balls of some kind. Warren gets to use them first, of course. Ooh, what's misogynist-boy going to do now that he's all

?!?

Buffy goes to see Xander who is drinking. He says he understands why Anya did what she did, but not why Buffy had sex with Spike. Buffy tells Xander what she does with her personal life is none of his business and Xander says, "It used to be." He's mean. Chastises her for doing what she did with Spike. Xander's place is a mess. He leaves in a huff. A girl tries to flirt with him at the Bronze, but he's too dismal. The boys show up. 

A vamp throws Buffy up against a tombstone and it hurts her back. Oh, god, this is the scene. *deep breath* She's about to take a bath when Spike shows up. He says they need to talk. He tells her he's sorry, that he originally went to Anya to get a spell for himself to not be in love with her anymore. He again insists that she loves him and she tells him she has feelings, but they're not love. "I could never trust you enough for it to be love." Then he starts insisting she loves him and attempts to rape her. *deep breath* She falls and her back hits the side of the tub. She's screaming for him to stop. It's just awful. She's really vulnerable and we've never seen Buffy like this. Finally she kicks him across the bathroom. "Ask me again why I could never love you." He's horrified at what he's done. He tries to say he "wouldn't" and she says "because I stopped you, something I should have done a long time ago." So, yes, as I've written before, this encounter isn't terribly different than the other times they had sex, only this time she was protesting and his pain was so loud he didn't hear her. This is the kind of situation women usually get raped within. Someone they've had sex with before. Someone they know intimately that just isn't hearing "no". There are many reasons this no isn't heard, many of them to do with our culture, but it doesn't make the man any less culpable. The precedent here is a vampire without a soul victimizing a woman he's obsessed with. He'd been let in before after taunting her and insisting she loves him, though she never told him so. Even a man as evil as Spike has never been seen to force himself upon a woman sexually, though the parallel could be made with forcing himself upon women in the biting and killing sense. Wow, that was upsetting.

Back to the Bronze. Jonathan and Andrew are waiting while Warren tries to mack on a girl. It doesn't work because the chick has a bf. Warren starts a fight. Xander notices and confronts him. Warren punches him across the room. Jonathan distracts him before he kills Xander. Xander goes to B's and sees Spike's leather jacket on the stairs. He barges into the bathroom (why would be do that? she could be pooping, hello!) demanding to know if she's still seeing Spike. He finds her crying on the floor with bruises, asks her if he hurt her. She says, "He tried. He didn't." Xander starts to go after him and she stops him. Willow shows up and Buffy covers the bruises. Not sure if Xander understands the attempted "hurt" was really an attempted rape. Willow has figured something out. The boys are going to rob banks and shit, apparently. 

Spike gets back home and the attempted rape scene is replaying over and over in his head. He pours himself a drink, then crushes the glass in his hands. Clem shows up with chicken. Spike starts ranting. "What have I done? Why didn't I do it? What has she done to me?" He wonders if what he feels is love. Starts ranting about "the chip" not letting him be a monster, and he can't be a man. Decides he's going to force change. We don't yet know what that means, of course. 

Buffy catches up with the boys as they're robbing some kind of truck full of money. Warren calls B a bitch and baby and kitten. Jonathan jumps on B's back and whispers in her ear to "smash his orbs". Warren says to Buffy, "Say goodnight, bitch." She smashes the orbs and says, "Goodnight, bitch." Warren leaves on a jet pack. The cops show up and take Andrew and Jonathan away to jail.

Spike leaves town muttering about when he gets back "things are gonna change". 

The next morning Xander comes over to make up with Buffy. They hug. Warren shows up and shoots several rounds at Buffy. Hits her, and Tara. I don't really see how that happened. Tara's upstairs and Warren is in the backyard, but whatever. It happened. Willow's eyes turn red.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Tough Love.

episode 97.
airdate: 1 May 2001.

Buffy goes to tell a professor she has to drop his class, all her classes, actually. He understands.

Ben is in trouble at work, he's fired actually, because he doesn't show up very often, hasn't in two weeks in fact. Glory is taking over for longer periods of time, I guess...getting stronger.

Glory is taking a bath while blindfolded minions serve her Mimosas and chocolates and describe everything they saw when they spied on Buffy and her friends/family. Buffy is at a meeting with Dawn's principal. Apparently she hasn't been going to school. Buffy is asking Giles what to do, suggests Giles be the disciplinarian for Dawn. Giles says she needs to step up and deal, be the grown-up. Buffy is being all super-serious now.

Glory thinks she knows who the Key is now. She's going to "collect" her now. Tara and Willow have an argument, their first...about magic. Tara says she's "frightened" by how proficient Willow is getting with magic. Willow is overly sensitive, because she really can't be trusted entirely with the magic stuff. Willow storms out. Buffy and Dawn are fighting too. Buffy reveals to Dawn that Social Services will take her away if it doesn't work out with Buffy being "legal guardian". Buffy is terrible at folding towels. It really may not work out (I'm kidding of course--folding towels is really not important, so much...how, anyway. It is important that you do it.).

Glory shows up at the fair and sits next to Tara. One of the minions shows at the magic shop and Giles threatens to tie him up and he squeals, revealing that Glory has gone to get the Key. Mentions she's a "witch". Willow goes to find Tara. Glory breaks Tara's hand. She tastes Tara's hand-blood and realizes she's not the Key. Now she wants Tara to tell her who the Key really is. Threatens to eat her brain if she doesn't tell. Tara is saying nothing and Glory is getting all crazy. Just as Willow is running to her, Glory eats her brain and disappears. Tara's crazy now. Willow is sad and blames herself for not being there. They take her to the hospital to fix her hand. The doc says she has to spend the night in the psych ward. Buffy gets to the hospital last because she dropped Dawn off with Spike.

*Pausing for a sec. Man, this writing for 6 hours a day thing is really sucking the brains outta ME, that's for sure. Camp NaNoWriMo is harrrrrrrd. And this is only the third episode. I'm supposed to do one more. And my fingers hurt from all the typing. And I haven't left the house all day and barely left yesterday. I'm sucked into Buffy writing world. Ok, bitching over. I hear NaNoWriMo is hardest at the beginning of week 2, right?

Dawn is feeling hopeless. Blames herself for what happened to Tara. She doesn't even know what she is. Blames herself for how injured Spike is too. She must be something "so horrible to cause so much pain and evil". Spike says he knows evil and she isn't it.

Xander and Buffy try to calm Willow. Willow tries to leave to take on Glory. Buffy tries to stop her. Talk her down. Willow pretends to be dissuaded. Buffy is fooled and leaves Willow alone. Willow goes to the "off limits" section of the magic shop. She finds a book called "Darkest Magick". Glory is gloating when Willow arrives. Her eyes are black and she'd gliding through the air. "I owe you PAIN." Buffy is back at Spike's comforting her. She tells Dawn she calmed Willow down after she wanted to go all "paybacky on Glory". Spike's like, "and you believed her? Riiiiiight." Buffy goes to Glory's. Willow is kicking Glory's ass a little, but not enough. Buffy gets there just in time. Fighting. They get away.

Buffy, Willow, Dawn, and Tara are hiding out at Tara's. Willow is going to take care of her, indefinitely. Glory shows up. Tara calls Dawn "pure green energy"...then, credits.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Family.

episode 84.
airdate: 7 Nov 2000.

Tara and Willow at bedtime. Tara is saying she doesn't feel useful to everyone. Buffy is telling Giles everything about Dawn. This is later that night from the episode before. Buffy has accepted that it is her duty to take care of Dawn. Buffy decides not to tell any of the others. It will be just her and Giles that know. They already know that Glory (though they don't yet know her name) is looking for the Key as well. I don't think I mentioned that before.

Everyone is helping Buffy move out of the dorm back to her mom's. I didn't even realize she wasn't already living back at her mom's because they haven't shown her in the dorms at all this season.

Tara's bday is the next day. Xander is lookin' good these days. He's more confident since "The Replacement", but still his dweeby self. He's becoming fully actualized. Love his eyebrows. *Xander love*

Ok, now Buffy is beating up Spike. Is this another fantasy of his? Yep. While he's doin' it with Harmony. Poor Harm.

There's a stereotypical douchebag hick dude in the shop. Turns out he's Tara's bro. Then the dad comes in. And Amy Adams is a cousin. I knew I vaguely recognized her when she first started getting big. There's a lot of awkwardness with the Tara-fam. Ok, Tara's room is Tara's room. And Willow is still in her dorm, so I suppose I was wrong about them living together after all. God, I love her room. Stereos, art, black, glitter, candles, crystals. Tara is so cool. Tara is about to turn 20 and her dad thinks she's going to turn into (something?) on her 20th birthday. She calls him sir and she's real weird around him. He tells her she's coming back with him in the morning. "How do you think your friends are going to feel when they see your true face?"

Glory is so cool. She's telling an ugly demon to kill Buffy for her. That's not why she's cool. I just like her.

Tara is doing a spell on everyone. Riley is drinking at Willey's, the demon bar. He meets a vampire. Buys her a drink. She asks him to go somewhere more private, but he refuses. He's sad about Buffy leaving him in the dark about stuff.

Harmony tells Spike the demon dude is going to kill Buffy (she overhears someone talking about it at the mall or something). Spike goes under the guise of wanting to watch B die, but of course he's going to help her.

The cousin runs into Tara calling her a bitch and saying she needs to leave her friends alone. Tara reveals that the spell she did was so her friends would be blind to the demon side in Tara. Turns out they can't see ANY demons, because when the fork-tongued types show up to kill Buffy, Willow answers the door (they didn't knock, but she heard something) and doesn't see them. Now the demons are lurking around the shop wondering why no one can see them. Buffy is training in her workout room when the demons come in. She fights them. Now everyone is fighting them. Spike shows up and he realizes they can't see them, but of course he can, because he wasn't part of the spell. Buffy can't see Spike either. Michael just pointed that out, but I'd never realized that before. Tara comes in and realizes what's going on and breaks the spell. They defeat them. Tara explains the sitch. Says she's a demon...well the dad says it. "The women in our family have demon in them."

She tries to go with her family but Willow protests. Buffy stands up for her. Then they all do. For the first time Tara feels accepted by all of them. Anya asks what kind of demon she is and the family is all like "What does it matter?" Spike punches her to "settle this" and he's hit with intense neurological pain. There you go. Not a demon. Spike realizes what's going on: "a bit of a spin to keep the ladies in line?" Then they all have the birthday party at the Bronze. Then Tara and Willow slow-dance and it's suuuuuuuuuuper cute...and they float.

The end.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: New Moon Rising.

Episode 75.
airdate: 2 May 2000.

Tara and Willow holding hands. Oz shows up out of the blue. He's only really been gone six months. Riley is close-minded about Willow dating a werewolf. "I never knew you were such a bigot!" Oz can now control when he's a wolf through meditation or something, 'cause it's a full moon and he's still Oz. He wants Willow back. It would be really hard to choose between Oz and Tara. I heart Oz so much, but Tara is such a sweety-pie. I like Willow and Tara together better. I'd like to keep Oz for myself and while we're living in an alternate universe I'd like Tara to not get shot in season six by Warren and her and Willow to be together forever.

Willow tells Buffy about Tara and Buffy reacts well. Willow doesn't know what she wants to do. She goes to see Tara after talking with Oz all night and tells her she doesn't know what to do and then Oz runs into Tara later and "smells" Willow on her. He turns into the wolf when he realizes Tara is a "threat" to him. The Initiative dudes tranquilize him and take him away to a cage in the Initiative. Riley almost kills wolf-Oz when he turns back into Oz. Adam's been talking to Spike. Promises him he'll get his chip out if he helps him with something or other. Help him kill Buffy probably...I wasn't paying attention to the specifics.

Poor Oz is naked and alone. Riley tries to get him out, but they stop him and lock him up too. Why the hell is he still hanging out with those dingbats? Some high-ranking officer says mean stuff about Buffy and basically gives him the choice to help them take her down and then his "good name" will be restored. He calls them "the Slayer and her band of freaks" and "anarchists". The freaks go to infiltrate the Initiative while Giles and Anya do some computer hacking from Giles' house. They realize when they get there they have to save Riley AND Oz. Riley says "If I leave now I can't ever come back." Buffy stares at him. "I just wanted to hear it out loud." So, finally, he's done with the dingbats! Woo hoo! This somehow means Riley and Buffy have to stay in the burned out high school. Buffy finally tells Riley about her past with Angel.

Willow and Oz need to talk now. He missed his chance. She tells him some part of her will always be waiting for him. Closure. She goes to Tara and there's suggested makeout, but you don't get to see it because it's the year 2000 and girls can't kiss onscreen yet. They won't get to until Joyce dies in season 5.