MixtressRae's Top 5 Madonna Music Videos

I'm doing a "Blonde Ambition Triangle Party" on the radio show tonight (see top right of blog for details as to when/where) which means I am playing three songs each from three blonde broads: Gwen, Madonna, and Debbie.

This led me down a couple of rabbit holes. One of these rabbit holes involved revisiting a topic I have worried way too much about over the years: whether or not Gwen Stefani was ok, because of all of Gavin Rossdale's "darkness". I knew nothing about their relationship save Stefani's lyrics and these lyrics ("Dark Blue", "Danger Zone", "Serious", etc) made me think that Gavin is too detritus and hair dryers while Gwen is all hearts and flowers. How can they ever make it? I've long enjoyed Gwen's ballsiness when it comes to her lyrics. We all know WHO she's writing about, every time, and the lyrics aren't shrouded in metaphor ever. They are always right there, no interpretation needed. So you can understand why I worried. It turns out that Gwen and Gavin finally called it quits last year. I'm really happy for her. In an interview she (again with the ballsiness) stated that when she looks back on her music from the past almost 20 years that they've been together she finds a lot of "red flags". I've seriously literally been thinking that since at least 2000's "Return of Saturn". Her art isn't always good, but I think she deserves to be happy.

Rabbit hole #2 has to do with Madonna. A recent episode of "Rupaul's Drag Race" in which the runway theme (the looks debuted at the end of the episode via pageant-style runway) was Madonna confused me. Freaking DRAG QUEENS were charged with dressing up like MADONNA and four of them chose "The Power of Goodbye"-kimono-Madonna. WHY is that the first version of Madonna they thought of? It was very perplexing. By far, the coolest runway look was inspired by the "Bedtime Story" music video.

Acid Betty's recreation of one of the best moments in Madonna music-video herstory.

The disappointing runway made me start thinking about how young these queens are. Perhaps to them, the first version of Madonna they remember is kimono-Madonna. But they have GaGa to fill Madonna's void (I know she's not gone, but she hasn't reinvented herself in Madonna-style since mayyyybe kimono-Madonna. I so do NOT count that weird country thing she did in 2000.) now. Then I started thinking about Madonna's cultural significance. Then I had to pick my top 5 Madonna music videos...so that made me watch a BUNCH of them last night. At one point Michael said, "Is this cultural appropriation?" and I looked at him with an eyebrow raised, "Have you met Madonna?" Regardless of discussions of appropriation, Madonna brought aspects of worldwide culture to American pop music repeatedly. She introduced things to a lot of us dummies.

I don't think of myself as being a big Madonna fan but I grew up with her. The reinvention of her image every few years was a given as I was growing up and now that I'm grown I see how rare that is and I recognize how many aspects of world culture she introduced to me.

You can watch my top 5 Madonna music videos in chronological order above. Here they are in countdown list form:

5) Vogue: This is the video wherein Madonna appropriates New York drag culture.

4) Like a Prayer: Black Jesus? Burning crosses? Making out with Jesus? I'm sure this was controversial, but to my developing child-mind I was just like, "Oh, there's Jesus. Why is Jesus sad? There's Madonna making out with Jesus. Why doesn't she pull up those dress straps? That would drive me crazy. Her boobs look good, though."

3) Human Nature: I think this is the ONLY Madonna music video in which Madonna is hammy and goofy. I wish we had gotten more of this Madonna. My drag runway Madonna look would have been this outfit.

2) Frozen: Madonna's cultural appropriation of India's religions. The first time I ever saw an Om symbol was in this music video on Madonna's palm. I remember pausing my VHS tape and drawing it on my own palm. My second favorite Madonna music video moment is in this video (below).

1) Bedtime Story: Favorite Madonna album, music video, and song. FAVORITE Madonna music video moment below (also involving birds).

What are your favorites?

MixtressRae's Top 5 Writing Utensils

My art medium has pretty much always been pen and paper. Or glue and paper. Or typewriter and paper. I've loved pens since middle school, ever searching for the perfect glittery purple pen that flows, doesn't smudge, dries fast, and feels good in the hand.

Basically I'm a big pen nerd. I love Gelly Rolls and BiCs and Sharpies and Pilots. The most consistently reliable ballpoints are the BiCs you get for free at the bank or a hotel or doctor's office. You really never need to BUY a BiC. The pens you lose most often and ALWAYS NEED are Sharpies.

The best pens for journaling and letter writing can be Gelly Rolls with their smooth action (if you get the thicker points) and glitter galore, but they don't work well on all paper types and they don't survive tornado. But damn, they're fun to use...and they leave glitter all over your hands which is a deterrent for most peeps, but quite the opposite for me.

The best pen for zines and most all the art projects in the world is Sharpie all the way. Sharpies come in many different flavors and are made in the USA. That's a good, right?

Probably my favorite pen for everyday use is the Pilot G2. I prefer pink or purple.

I looked up types of pens and when they were invented today. You KNOW you need that information:

*Fountain pens were invented in 1880. I don't use them because they don't dry fast enough for my left-handed self. Plus they're all gloppy.
*Ballpoint pens were invented in 1940. They are smooth and thick and I like that. Sticky and sometimes smeary. I don't like that as much. They sort of smell like apples sometimes. I do like that. (BiC)
*Fiber/felt tip pens were invented in 1960. These are awesome because they dry super fast and you can get way extra-curricular with them in the form of art and colors and zines and all the things. (Sharpie)
*Roller ball pens were invented in 1980. They're like a modern more controlled fountain pen. (Gelly Roll)
*Gel ink pens were invented in 1995. I typically don't like gel ink because it can easily be done inconsistent. You have to have a good flow with these pens and they run out fast. You never just find them laying around. You have to buy them on purpose and keep track of them. That said, Pilot G2s are a damn fine pen. They are consistent, comfortable, and come in all colors and point sizes. (Pilot)

What are your favorite pens? Which pens have I overlooked on my top 5?

Top 5 Buffy Significant Others.

Y'all know I have a RELATIONSHIP with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. What you may not have known is that upon each re-watch I fall more in love with a different character I may have overlooked before.

I give you my current top 5 characters in Buffy I would so totally date if they were real and I weren't happily married to a man who embodies qualities of all 5 (yes, even the Honorable Mention, Michael. Embrace the similarities!). Oh, um *spoilers* ahead, if you care about that kind of thing.

#5 -- Giles.

Admittedly, though I do at times find him sexy as hell, what I really want from Giles is for him to be to me what he is to Buffy. He gets to be on the list because a) the older I get the more attractive I find him and b) if I were Giles' age and lived in the Buffyverse, I'd totally ask him out. Back to wanting him to be my dad though (ok, that sounded gross. Someone that isn't your dad you can find attractive AND want him to be your dad, right?)...

Giles is smart, protective, witty, goofy, and wise. My whole life I've chosen men in pop culture to be the "dad I never had" (It's a whole thing, but my dad and I were at odds most of my childhood. He wasn't really a "dad" so much as an adult who yelled at me every other weekend. We made up before his death in 2011, but our relationship was never easy.) in my mind, and Giles is really the most satisfying example of a father figure in pop culture. Though he did betray Buffy that one time (he tried to help Wood kill Spike in season 7), he was otherwise consistently supportive of Buffy without coddling her or sugar-coating life. He was willing to say and do the hard things (confronting Willow after bringing B back from the dead, killing Ben when Buffy couldn't, etc) while still being unquestioningly there for Buffy (When her mom dies, that moment when he immediately belays his reaction to comfort Buffy within an INSTANT of realizing what has happened just KILLS me.). If all dads could be like Giles, Cliff Huxtable, and Red from That '70s Show we'd all turn out just FINE, thank you.

#4 -- Spike.

Spike used to be my #1 Blondie Bear, but upon recent re-watchings I've realized how manipulative and terrible he was to Buffy when they were boinking in season 6. As SOON as he finally "got bouncy" with her, he got cocky and started saying controlling boyfriend-type things to her to get her to keep coming back to him. It was really gross. And I still haven't forgiven him this last time around for attempting to rape Buffy. That was a genuinely terrible moment. I kind of glazed over it like it wasn't "no thang" when it first aired (2002), which just tells you how abusive my relationship was at the time. Spike was a fluffy puppy in comparison. Anyway, he is #4 on my list because of his complete loyalty to the woman he loves. It's blind and retarded loyalty (he was willing to kill Drusilla to "prove his love" to Buffy!), but if that loyalty is directed at you, you've gotta respect that. The way he looks at Buffy when he's in love with her and having empathy for her is enough to put him in this list. That look he gets when he's awkwardly trying to comfort Buffy slays me. Even before he got his soul back, he had genuine love for Buffy and Drusilla. He would literally die for Buffy or Drusilla. He treated Harmony like shit though, so I don't know. Spike has the most interesting character arc of any male character on Buffy, and I really genuinely like him, but he would be an unhealthy boyfriend to have. Probably a good lay, however.

#3 -- Tara.

Tara is the perfect girlfriend. She's sweet and loyal and beautiful and awkward and nerdy and smart and empathetic and a good witch. She's just perfection. She has the coolest bedroom ever in the history of television (black walls, crystals, white Xmas lights, candles, jewel tones, etc). She doesn't put up with Willow's shit and she has integrity coming out her ears. There is literally nothing wrong with Tara. I wish Tara had gotten more development on the show, but since she wasn't a main character or a bf of Buffy, she was often too much in the background. She deserves her own comic or something. Origins of Tara? That would be awesome. Anyway, her place on the list starts the practical S.O.s. From here to #1 on my list, these are the relationships that could be forever-material as actual loyal, realistic, fully-actualized relationships to have.

Look, I refrained from posting that topless pic of Nicholas Brendon!

#2 -- Xander.

Xander is loyal, pretty (just look at those eyebrows!), and genuinely good. His character probably changes the least of anyone on the show. He starts off dweeby, cute, and sweet and he stays that way. Extra points for becoming a carpenter! His attraction to weird girls, demons, and tactless-truth-saying females is probably his most endearing quality. He also has mad empathy and delivers the most heartwarming speeches of anyone on the show. Why can't Willow magic him a freaking eyeball?!?! Grrr. He still has the patch in the comics! His refusal to like any vampires ever, even if they have earned redemption-status, is a little annoying, but I forgive him because he's just such a stand-up guy in every other respect. He's a lot like my pretty Mike, too.

I like pictures of pretty people
standing in trees, apparently.

#1 -- Oz.

Pale. Black fingernails. Ever-changing hair color, while being a ginger in his natural state (rawr). Smart. Loyal. Likes weird girls. Taciturn. Philosophical. He's just as perfect as Tara, really. I don't think I was ever mad at Oz, until he left Sunnydale. He needed to go, though. I understand that. I don't know how I could have chosen between Tara and Oz when he comes back after Willow is already beginning a relationship with Tara. Willow gets to have the most perfect boyfriend ever AND the most perfect girlfriend ever in the space of a year. Bitch! Seriously though, Oz makes my heart melt and he is absolutely the boy I'd pursue if I were Willow, and often when I dream about the Buffyverse, Willow is the character I embody. The only thing that could make Oz cooler would be if he could control himself when he was in wolf form, so he could be an asset in a fight and maybe be cuddled as a wolf. That could be cool, but that would require a totally different mythology of werewolves than exists in the Buffyverse. In my mind, he's that kind of werewolf, though. And he has Buddy Holly glasses. Ok, NOW Oz is perfect.

A velvet shirt AND a tree in this one. Ooh!

*Honorable Mention -- Angel.

Initially, Angel was a character I truly didn't give a fuck about. The more I rewatch both Buffy and Angel the more I like Angel. He likes to sit around in the dark and read all broody-like. I can respect that. He can be really funny and he's a good guy as long as he hasn't lost his soul or anything. The way he tirelessly seeks atonement for his evils as a vampire is pretty endearing to me, as well. I do love an angsty boy! I used to not find him attractive at all, but he's grown on me in the last 5 years or so. I absolutely love it when he and Spike bicker. Cutest. I also enjoy all the opportunities the writers of Buffy took in getting any male character topless whenever they could, though I wish Spike and Angel hadn't been intentionally hairless. Let that chest hair grow wild, boys! Angel does look good in velvet, I must say.


Thus concludes my list of Buffy relationships. Here's a couple of other pictures I found that are pretty hilarious:

This looks like if Willow, Xander, and Buffy had been a cool '90s electronic band. Awesome!!

top 5 bits of technology you already have.

As a "red-blooded Amerrrrican female" most of my problems, as one might expect, are first world problems. Ever since the tornado (I can call it by its actual name now! Progress?) my obsession with technology and the possession of the newest, brightest, shiniest electronic gadgetry has been ratcheted up to its most perverse and unhealthy level. For a time I claimed, as the daughter of a similarly afflicted (recently deceased) father, it was my penance to carry on his legacy of obsession. I will most definitely use that excuse to buy something again, but on the whole, I've GOT to get ahold of myself, man!

In the past three years I have owned: 4 iPods (a touch, 2 nanos, and a classic), 4 tablet-type devices (an iPad, a nexus 7, a nook color, and an iPad mini), 2 ereaders (nook touch and nook touch with glowlight), 3 iPhones (3GS, 4S, and 5), and miraculously, only one computer (MacBook Pro). Of these  14 devices, I still own 6. To my tiny credit, I typically only keep one item in each category and give away or sell the other items. My iPods are the only exception here, as I have kept my nano and my classic. I reason that I NEED the classic for its capacity to hold all of my media with 160GB of storage capacity. I keep the nano because I like to use it at my cleaning job, because it's small and light and I have a little belt-holster for it. Most of the time Apple products can fetch me at least 80% of what I'll pay for the next thing, but that's still no kind of excuse for being such a greedy bastard.

At this very moment I have a pedometer listed on ebay (fitbit ultra) because selling it means I get to get the new one (fitbit flex)! And the new one will sync to my phone via bluetooth!

Let me further outline the more pornographic details of this obsession. Part of the intense infatuation with these gizmos is the amount of wooing I do in conjunction with the desire for a new device. I watch YouTube reviews of the device I covet. I read the reviews on cnet over and over until I have sections of them memorized. I walk about my daily life pretending I have the new device, imagining how awesome it will be to have it. I make pro and con lists to justify my need. I stare at images online of the device at all angles. I go to Best Buy and Target to see if I can touch the device/see it in person. It's really sick.

This expensive addiction has to stop but I cannot kid myself here: it won't stop. But perhaps I can at least slow the boiling madness to a bit more of a simmering bubble.

This post is a letter to myself, intended to help me resist the siren call of new technology by describing why I love the top 5 bits of technology I already have (and the ones I'm most likely to want to replace with the next better iteration of that thing every time there is a next better iteration of that thing) and why they're perfectly good enough to last me for years to come.

Dear Future Stephanie,

These are the top 5 perfectly functional items of technology you will be tempted to, but don't need to, replace ANYTIME SOON:

1. iPod -- Your iPod classic holds 160GB of media. You won't have 160GB of music for a very long time (only at half that now) and this device will work for at least the next 5 years, so don't even think about replacing it unless you break it beyond repair or lose it. I love my classic so much. Her name is Strict Machine. She has an inscription on the back: "Wonderful electric, cover me in white noise." She is covered by a custom skin of my mixtapes (that image I use for everything). I've mutilated her both by accident (dropping on pavement) and on purpose (trying to further customize an earlier skin with an Xacto knife left small slices in both her screen and her steel back-plate). I don't use her much in day-to-day life, but she's indispensable at parties and on road trips and anytime I want my entire music collection with me when there's no internet connection. As for my Disco Stick (iPod nano), she's lovely for cleaning, but she's only 8GB and is essentially extraneous.

Summation: You are not allowed to get a new classic unless yours is lost, stolen, or broken beyond functionality. No exceptions. When Disco Stick bites the dust, suck it up and start using Strict Machine for the same purposes. Do not replace Disco Stick. Let her die in peace.

2. iPad mini -- His name is Frank Sinatra, for the Cake song, not the singer (though the song is named for the singer, so there's that) and he's a fine tablet. His inscription says "We know of an ancient radiation, a faintly glimmering radio station." You will want the new mini when it's released this fall. You will want it soooo bad because it will probably have a Retina Display and might even come in fun colors! Heart palpitations! But remember, Frank Sinatra hasn't caused you any turmoil and you really only use him on the road and in the mornings to play Yahtzee and watch YouTube videos. You've never thought the screen resolution was crappy, so you don't need the new one.

Summation: You are not allowed to get a new tablet device until the third or fourth generation, at least. Calm down. You don't have to have all the new things. Resist.

3. MacBook Pro -- Her name is Honeycrisp and she has served me well for almost three years now. She will live for another few years, I suspect. She's only 250GB, but when I get to capacity I can always relocate my music, photos, and videos to my 500GB hard drive, so that's not a good enough excuse to replace her.

Summation: You probably won't be tempted to buy a new computer until Honeycrisp dies, so this isn't much of a risk. Just remember that Macs last 5-10 years and they cost like a thousand bucks. Don't do it until Honeycrisp becomes ridiculously sluggish.

4. iPhone -- Her name is Daughter of Avalanche and she's the most current iPhone, for the next few months anyway. She will get iOS updates for the next couple of years and she's 32GB, which is PLENTY of space for a phone. Even when your upgrade is available, really ask yourself if you neeeed to drop a couple hundred dollars on the newest phone. Yeah, you don't. Let this one live for three years...it won't kill you.

Summation: You don't get to have a new phone until at LEAST your upgrade with Verizon arrives (October 2014 probably). Apple will make you want the 5S. You will be shaking resisting it, but you must. Do this for your well-BEING, Stephanie.

5. Nook -- This ereader is fine. It holds books and has a nightlight. It works in bright sunlight, has a long battery-life, and is light. Nothing is wrong with it. Nook is getting out of the ereader biz anyway, so there probably won't be a better version of this ereader.

Summation: For this device, you really just need to let yourself keep it and use it when you want. When it dies, you may buy another on ebay or just use your mini to read with from now on. Just don't get rid of it. You prefer it to tablet-reading. It's ok to have an ereader AND a tablet. You like this device, so keep it until its demise. It'll be fun to see how long it lives.

Seriously, all of these devices have the capacity to live for YEARS, so let them. You take care of your devices and you don't like wasting things. It will be so much more gratifying replacing things because the other things are no longer functioning. You won't have to feel guilty! Imagine NOT feeling guilty for buying an electronic device...how cool will that be? Please refer to this list after every Apple announcement.

Sincerely,
Past Stephanie

Top 5 Podcasts.

Top 5 Podcasts.

Today, I’m going to give you a little break from my weird tastes in music and share with you a different kind of aural pleasure, my weird tastes in podcasts. It surprises me how little of my friends and family are listening to podcasts, as they are extremely delightful little nuggets of people talking in your head that you can pretend are your friends. There’s a huge world of podcasting out there to every taste imaginable, so go out there and find something you love if none of my favorites interest you. 

Podcasts are the radio shows of our time. If you’re not much of a music-listener (first of all, what's wrong with you?), podcasts can get you through road trips, commutes, and those obsessive Thursdays cleaning the house. They are almost always free and available on iTunes or the websites for the particular podcasts you’re seeking. Here are my Top 5:

Nerdist (nerdist.com/podcasts or iTunes): This podcast is mostly comprised of interviews with celebrities. The host Chris Hardwick is the most engaging interviewer I’ve ever heard. He is open-minded and able to talk with his guests about anything they want to talk about and he seems to know EVERYONE in Hollywood. If you’re a nerd like he is, you can listen to a podcast with Brent Spiner, Liam Lynch or the Wachowskis. Comparatively, if you’re into more mainstream culture, he interviews Tom Hanks, Larry King, and Joan Rivers. 

Warnings: This podcast is full of joyous expletives and is typically upwards of an hour (sometimes even closer to two hours) long.

Further Listening: Check out the Nerdist website for more of their podcasts. There’s a whole host of weird topics and fun shows to listen to such as “Sex Nerd Sandra”, “Nerdist Writers’ Panel”, and several juicy comedy podcasts.

Pop Culture Happy Hour (npr.org or iTunes): This podcast contains a delightful group of well-informed NPR editors talking about all aspects of pop culture from the dark dungeons of bad reality TV to German Art Song (yes, really). They regularly do in-depth analyses without spoilers of new movies and end each episode with “What’s Making Us Happy This Week”. It’s a very positive, intelligent and entertaining half hour of weekly pop culture entertainment. You’ll like this if you work with me at the library (this show is highly-regarded by librarians, according to their Facebook page).

Further Listening: As you can imagine, NPR has a lot of well-respected podcasts. Simply go over to npr.org and explore.

Stuff You Should Know (howstuffworks.com or iTunes): It is widely agreed upon in Podcast Land that this is THE podcast to listen to, no matter who you are. Hosts Chuck and Josh delve into ALL SUBJECTS IMAGINABLE, while being humorous and freakin’ lovable! This is the podcast to listen to on a family road trip across country, because I can almost guarantee everyone will love Chuck and Josh as much as I do. Seriously, if you listen to ONE of these podcasts, choose this one.

Further Listening: howstuffworks.com has a plethora of informative podcasts such as “Stuff You Missed in History Class”, “Stuff to Blow Your Mind”, “Tech Stuff”, etc. They’re all very accessible (unlike NPR, which I find to be a little snotty at times) and informative. 

Stuff Mom Never Told You (howstuffworks.com or iTunes): Another from the How Stuff Works conglomerate, this podcast deals mostly in feminist topics and issues that are more women-centric. These two feisty females (Molly and Cristen) are just as informed and almost as lovable as Chuck and Josh.

Sound Opinions (soundopinions.org or iTunes): Hosts Greg and Jim (longtime Chicago radio heavyweights--they’ve written books and everything) discuss new music, old music, interview bands, and even have occasional exclusive performances from the artists they interview. Their tastes are varied and they truly try to cover all genres, but their lean is heavy on soul. Their tastes rarely match my own, but I do find new music from this podcast often.

*Honorable Mention: Feast of Fun (feastoffun.com or iTunes): This is a podcast I’ve just started listening to, but I think it will become one of my favorites. Two sassy gay boys interview pop culture icons. They have a HUGE number of drag queens on their show, and for those of you that know me you know that I’m OBSESSED with drag right now, so this podcast is constantly in my ears this fall. Incredible amounts of fun here, if you’re into campy comedy and not taking life too seriously.

Warnings: Lots of debauchery on these podcasts (cursing, sex-talk, etc). If you find love in this podcast, you’ll have to subscribe for a fee to get all the episodes.

If any of you know of an awesome podcast that should be on this list, let me know (mixtressrae@yahoo.com). Ooh, better yet, if you want to start a podcast with me about music, drag queens, and/or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, hit me up for sure!