Thursday, March 29, 2012


I've been trying to sort out how I feel about Madonna and I finally put my finger on the adjective I've been grasping for: underwhelming. Her new album is underwhelming...pretty much everything since "You Can Dance" has felt empty to me...well, that's not fair. Let's sum up her discography.

1. Madonna (1983): intriguing.
2. Like a Virgin (1984): still has my attention.
3. True Blue (1986): ok, this chick is sticking around.
4.Like a Prayer (1989): evolution = adaptation = success.
5. Erotica (1992): ok, now you're pushing it, Madonna. Perhaps it's time to admit you're 34 and act less like a teenager.
6. Bedtime Stories (1994): first time working with interesting electronic producers...GOOD evolution, mostly.
7. Ray of LIght (1998): acting like an adult and playing to your strengths...GOOD evolution, mostly.
8. Music (2000): bad Madonna! I don't even want to talk about this one.
9. American Life (2003): or this one. Badddd Madonna.
10. Confessions on a Dance Floor (2005): Better. This is who you are, Madonna...a disco princess singing cliches whilst utilizing the best producers money can buy...GOOD. Self-actualization? Will you stop now, while you're ahead?
11. Hard Candy (2008): I never even listened to this one...I didn't want to ruin the "Confessions.." buzz I had going.
12. MDNA (2012): no, Madonna. BAD Madonna. STOP singing. You're 54 and your heart is not in it anymore. You sound hollow. There is one passable song on this album while most of it is unlistenable. STOP. You made MIA sound is that even possible?!?!

To be fair, Madonna has always been mediocre. Her music is background for folding clothes or...dancing? I don't even dance to Madonna, so what is she good for? Ray of Light was the last album Madonna had any emotion or anything semi-new to say. She feels so generic. She thinks she's subversive and shocking even still. She thinks she's still the same brassy blonde she was 30 years ago. It's painful to watch. I would be willing to let Madonna be sexy at 54 if her face was still her own, but I am not buying into her image anymore. I hope Lady GaGa doesn't evolve in the same patterns as Madonna forever, because her trajectory is boring. I hate when artists fuck it all up at the end (Tori Amos, I'm talking to YOU) to the point of retroactively embarrassing themselves when they were still relevant. "Live to Tell" and "Oh Father" MEANT something to me as an 11-year old girl, but I can't look at her the same knowing she's been barely phoning it in for the last 14 years.

And don't even get me started on her lyrics. They're the worst! I was going to spend time looking up a bunch and making a little quiz, but I can't even be bothered with spending that much time on her lyrics as I'm about 80% sure the twenty minutes it would take to compose said quiz would be more time spent than the composition of the lyrics themselves...

She's infected me to the point than I am now phoning in this blog entry the way she does her career. I have as much expression on my face as the Botox robot she looks these days. I'm surprised I can even fling insults with all this apathy. Perhaps there's a bit of animosity toward this character that meant something to me in my preteen years.

It seems we're dealing with yet another career trajectory we need to cut off before the gangrenous part...I'm calling that time period 1998. What do you think, dear readers?


  1. I've found it always slightly pathetic how she attempts to surround herself with the newest and brightest (a la Nicki Minaj and MIA, or Britney and Christina a few years back) to both horn in on THEIR spotlight, while at the same time reminding everyone who came first. Like, "Hey, everyone! Remember me? I'm Madonna. Aren't these new stars so neat? Don't they just flatter my legacy so well, because you know that's all they are doing?" MJ did that in 2001 at his 30th anniversary shindig, desperately attempting to increase his marketability by featuring Usher and NSync, when all anyone wanted was just to see him dance. Just lip-sync your way through Billie Jean and then extend that freestyle breakdown at the end until you can barely move. How long could it last? 45 minutes? An hour? Because HE WAS ENOUGH for us! And so should Madonna be. I think it's time she hooks up with Rick Rubin as producer and pulls a late career reinvention, just like Johnny Cash and Metallica did, and Neil Diamond tried to do.

  2. I just wish artists and art-appreciators alike would remember that it's about the art. It doesn't matter to me if Madonna makes music now because what she made in the past that I got something out of is still there. I like Fiona's approach of simply NOT putting something out there when she has nothing to say. It's disgraceful to me to wade through crap. When you're super-famous and people like you no matter what, you have a responsibility to not take advantage of that fact and EDIT.

    -Mixtress not signed in...

  3. I totally agree with what you said, Mark. Madonna's career is manipulative and she's been smart about her fame in a lot of ways, but I don't think she's passionate about her art...only her fame. She demands more respect than she deserves. I can't even imagine a career reinvention that would work. If she had stayed on her "Ray of Light" path of growing up with dignity, perhaps she'd deserve the respect she demands...I don't know...

    -Mixtress again, not signed in.

  4. i hate to admit it since i am way into the late 50 thing, but evolve is the word here and don't keep doing what you started out as keep moving forward and searching for the time that fits with lyrics and tunes that fit...the last time i saw madonna was some football thing and i went omg no way stop please....i agree on lady gaga hopefully she evoles as she moves thru this life...