Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Villains.

episode 120.
airdate: 14 May 2002.

Ambulance arrives and Xander leads the medics to B. Willow is wailing upstairs and doesn't even notice the sirens. Willow invokes Osiris to bring Tara back. She is refused because Tara's was a human death by human means. Willow comes out as the ambulance is leaving with Buffy and asks Xander how it happened. She hears the word Warren and leaves. Xander was probably too freaked to see all the blood on her shirt. He tries to call after her, but has to get in the ambulance.

Warren goes to the demon bar bragging that he killed the Slayer with a gun in her own backyard. They all laugh hysterically, because it was on the news and she lived, so now they know the Slayer will be after him. Willow enters the magic shop and sucks all the dark arts books dry. Her eyes and hair turn black. Anya tried to stop her, but couldn't. Dawn gets home and finds Tara.

Warren has gone to see Rack. He needs magic to fight the Slayer, he thinks. Rack tells him he really needs to worry about Willow. At the hospital they're working on Buffy still. It looks dire. Willow comes in and saves Buffy by magically pulling the bullet from her chest and healing the wound. Willow's eyes turn to normal after Buffy wakes up, says they have to go find Warren. Warren is trying to skip town. Buffy, Xander, and Willow are in a car. Willow is controlling the car with magic. She stops the bus with Warren on it with her mind. She chokes Warren, but it's a robot decoy. Buffy tries to stop Willow; this is when she tells them Tara's dead. Buffy tells Willow they'll find Warren, that he'll go to jail, but they can't kill a human. Xander tells her the magic is too strong and she won't come back from it. She looks at them a long minute then says she's not coming back, then walks away shooting them back with lightning to keep them from stopping her. When they get back to the house they find Dawn in the room with Tara. She's been there for hours.

The coroners come and take Tara. Xander says Warren will be a dead man if Willow finds him. Dawn says, "Good." Buffy does her speech about how we don't do it that way, we can't meddle with humans, bla bla, but I'm with Dawn and Willow on this one. Warren needs justice. Dawn wants to come with them to find Willow, but B says she should be where she feels safe and Dawn says she wants to go see Spike. B says ok and Xander starts to protest "After what he did to..." but she stops him. So maybe he did know what Spike tried to do...yeah, he did.

When they get to Spike's, Clem is there. He offers them lemonade. Clem is housesitting for Spike, tells them he left town. Buffy asks if Dawn can stay with Clem. Clem is the cutest. We glimpse Spike in the desert somewhere. He goes into a tribal-y cave with lots of spooky cave paintings. Something with glowing eyes asks if he seeks him. Spike says yes. "You want to return to your former self?" The glowy-eyed demon tells Spike he used to be a legendary warrior "look what she's reduced you to?" "..and you demand restoration?" 'Course, what does Spike want, is the question? I'm not entirely sure if what he wanted originally was the chip removed or his soul restored. I'd like to think he wants his soul, but does he? Does he really? It would solve his cognitive dissonance. It would get him closer to the object of his desire. Is this what he truly wants? I need clues. Must pay attention. Spike needs to endure lots of trials to get what he wants.

Xander goes to talk to Anya and she tells him what happened. Anya can feel that Tara is gone. And tell where Willow is. Xander asks if that's leftover from her demon days and she says "not leftover". So now he knows she's a vengeance demon again. And Buffy comes in shortly after and she now knows too. They go together to find Willow, the three of them. Warren puts an ax through Willow's back. She gets up and pulls it out. He launches an explosive at her and she turns it to ice. Warren tells her it was an accident, killing Tara. He captures her in a viscous fluid of some kind. She gets out pretty fast and has vines trap him in a tree.

Willow realizes Tara wasn't the first girl he killed. He says some shithead stuff about all women being the same. He starts screaming for help. Willow gets the bullet she took out of Buffy and magics it slowly into his chest. She sews his mouth shut. Anya, B, and Xander catch up to her as Warren is apologizing, telling Willow she's not a bad person. She interrupts him, "Bored now" and skins him. "One down" she says.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Seeing Red.

episode 119.
airdate: 7 May 2002.

Tara and Willow in bed together. Lots of doing it occurred. Willow confesses she suspects something might be happening between Spike and Buffy. Tara tells her how Buffy told her what was going on, and how it happened. Willow goes to check on her, but she never came home. Willow sees Dawn in the hall and they talk about finding out about Spike and Buffy. Tara comes out in a sheet and Dawn is super excited about them being back together. She squeals and everything.

Meanwhile, Buffy has found where the boys live and breaks in and is trying to call them out. The place is booby-trapped with giant buzzsaws. She barely makes it out with a few of their notes and a book. They've decided to find the boys without Anya, Xander, and Spike. Anya is doing vengeance, kinda. Mostly she's lamenting her own issues. The chick she's talking to is trying to wish things, but Anya keeps going on and on.

Dawn goes to see Spike as he's spiking his blood with booze. Asks Spike if he loves Buffy. Tells him what he did with Anya really hurt Buffy, then she leaves. Not sure her motivation there, unless she wants Spike and Buffy together or just wants to understand. "It's complicated, niblet." It's interesting how Joss deals with breakups. They are fluid on Buffy. They're told in present tense often. This is how breakups often are. Pain, relapse, betrayal. It's not like cutting off a limb...more like carrying around a dead limb for a time, jolting it back awake occasionally, before finally dismembering it. Or something. The fluidity of breakups is more true than the way pop culture usually portrays it, anyway.

It's revealed what the troika are doing: some invincibility balls of some kind. Warren gets to use them first, of course. Ooh, what's misogynist-boy going to do now that he's all

?!?

Buffy goes to see Xander who is drinking. He says he understands why Anya did what she did, but not why Buffy had sex with Spike. Buffy tells Xander what she does with her personal life is none of his business and Xander says, "It used to be." He's mean. Chastises her for doing what she did with Spike. Xander's place is a mess. He leaves in a huff. A girl tries to flirt with him at the Bronze, but he's too dismal. The boys show up. 

A vamp throws Buffy up against a tombstone and it hurts her back. Oh, god, this is the scene. *deep breath* She's about to take a bath when Spike shows up. He says they need to talk. He tells her he's sorry, that he originally went to Anya to get a spell for himself to not be in love with her anymore. He again insists that she loves him and she tells him she has feelings, but they're not love. "I could never trust you enough for it to be love." Then he starts insisting she loves him and attempts to rape her. *deep breath* She falls and her back hits the side of the tub. She's screaming for him to stop. It's just awful. She's really vulnerable and we've never seen Buffy like this. Finally she kicks him across the bathroom. "Ask me again why I could never love you." He's horrified at what he's done. He tries to say he "wouldn't" and she says "because I stopped you, something I should have done a long time ago." So, yes, as I've written before, this encounter isn't terribly different than the other times they had sex, only this time she was protesting and his pain was so loud he didn't hear her. This is the kind of situation women usually get raped within. Someone they've had sex with before. Someone they know intimately that just isn't hearing "no". There are many reasons this no isn't heard, many of them to do with our culture, but it doesn't make the man any less culpable. The precedent here is a vampire without a soul victimizing a woman he's obsessed with. He'd been let in before after taunting her and insisting she loves him, though she never told him so. Even a man as evil as Spike has never been seen to force himself upon a woman sexually, though the parallel could be made with forcing himself upon women in the biting and killing sense. Wow, that was upsetting.

Back to the Bronze. Jonathan and Andrew are waiting while Warren tries to mack on a girl. It doesn't work because the chick has a bf. Warren starts a fight. Xander notices and confronts him. Warren punches him across the room. Jonathan distracts him before he kills Xander. Xander goes to B's and sees Spike's leather jacket on the stairs. He barges into the bathroom (why would be do that? she could be pooping, hello!) demanding to know if she's still seeing Spike. He finds her crying on the floor with bruises, asks her if he hurt her. She says, "He tried. He didn't." Xander starts to go after him and she stops him. Willow shows up and Buffy covers the bruises. Not sure if Xander understands the attempted "hurt" was really an attempted rape. Willow has figured something out. The boys are going to rob banks and shit, apparently. 

Spike gets back home and the attempted rape scene is replaying over and over in his head. He pours himself a drink, then crushes the glass in his hands. Clem shows up with chicken. Spike starts ranting. "What have I done? Why didn't I do it? What has she done to me?" He wonders if what he feels is love. Starts ranting about "the chip" not letting him be a monster, and he can't be a man. Decides he's going to force change. We don't yet know what that means, of course. 

Buffy catches up with the boys as they're robbing some kind of truck full of money. Warren calls B a bitch and baby and kitten. Jonathan jumps on B's back and whispers in her ear to "smash his orbs". Warren says to Buffy, "Say goodnight, bitch." She smashes the orbs and says, "Goodnight, bitch." Warren leaves on a jet pack. The cops show up and take Andrew and Jonathan away to jail.

Spike leaves town muttering about when he gets back "things are gonna change". 

The next morning Xander comes over to make up with Buffy. They hug. Warren shows up and shoots several rounds at Buffy. Hits her, and Tara. I don't really see how that happened. Tara's upstairs and Warren is in the backyard, but whatever. It happened. Willow's eyes turn red.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Entropy.

episode 118.
airdate: 30 Apr 2002.

The troika are hunting vamps on vehicles. They miss, Buffy kills them while Spike taunts her.

Xander is listening to sad music and drinking at home. He goes out. Anya was watching him from the bushes.

Willow and Tara are flirting at school. Tara reassures her the woman she saw her with the other day is just a friend. They're all giggly. Buffy and Dawn are spending the day together.

Warren and Andrew are talking about how they're leaving Jonathan soon, or more exactly, that they won't have to worry about him much longer.

Xander gets home and Anya is there. Xander apologizes to Anya about everything. He tells her he was an idiot, that he should have said something earlier about not being ready to get married and her face falls, just as she's starting to get hopeful. She thought they'd just redo the wedding when he wants to start over dating. As her back is turned, her face morphs to demon. She's gone back to vengeance. Anya has been trying to curse Xander herself, but she needs to have someone else make the wish for her. B is trying to spend more time with Dawn, but Dawn suggests she hang out with her, go patrolling, learn some skills. B says no, of course.

Willow and Tara are having a coffee date when Anya shows up and tries to get them to wish horrible things upon Xander. They sympathize with her pain, but won't make any wishes. Anya talks to Dawn next. Then Buffy. Anya's been wearing all red both days she's been back. Xander shows up as Anya is talking to B and she storms off. Buffy talks Xander into NOT following her and he kicks a gnome in the yard. It breaks and they find a camera inside. Xander suspects Spike. Buffy goes to confront him. He tells her "I don't hurt you". She tries to tell him to get over her, but he kicks her out. Anya decides Spike is the one that could wish Xander harm as he comes into the shop in search of a numbing spell, or a de-love spell. Anya produces some whiskey and they drink together. Jonathan is doing a complicated spell for some unknown reason. They've found the location where they need to go, whatever that means.

Spike and Anya are drinking together, lamenting their lost loves. Anya, ultimately, is also an evil creature on a path to redemption. She sure went back to being a demon pretty quickly. So I guess I should be happy for Xander that he got out of that relationship. Perhaps it wouldn't have worked anyway. Willow is trying to find the location of where the camera went back to and she finds out there are other cameras all over town, in places where they all frequent (Xander's site, Willow's school, the Doublemeat Palace, and yep, the Magic Box!).

Cheesy side note: the whiskey they're drinking is Evan Williams and it was supposed to be something Giles left behind at the shop. Giles would totally drink something classier, like Maker's Mark or something. Come on!

Just as Spike and Anya have decided to take solace in one another, which I totally get, by the way. They're both hundreds (in Anya's case, 1000+) years old. They used to be evil and then fell for really nice not-evil humans that left them. It makes COMPLETE sense that they'd do it after sharing a bottle of whiskey. Anyway, just as they're beginning to do it, Willow pulls up the video feed for the Magic Box and Xander, Willow, and B see them doing it. Dawn walks in. Willow notices that Buffy looks really upset. Xander has gone out with weapons. Willow notices. Dawn goes out to talk to Buffy. Willow comes out to tell Buffy Xander left with her ax. Buffy has to go save Spike now. After the sex, Anya feels guilty and it's clear that will never happen again. Spike is respectful without words. As he is leaving he barely misses the ax. Anya stops him from staking Spike just as Buffy shows up.

Xander is meannnnnn, here. He is so not my pretend boyfriend in this episode. He tells her he feels sick looking at her because she "had sex with that". Spike says, "Good enough for Buffy." So now it's out. Everyone knows. Xander leaves, then B. Then Spike and Anya. Everyone is alone.

Except, Tara walks into Willow's bedroom and says the following: When things fall apart, they fall apart so hard. You can't ever put 'em back the way they were. You know, it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect, there's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again on both sides, we have to learn if we're even the same people that we were, if you can fit in each other's lives. It's a long, important process, and...can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?

And they're reconciled. This season doesn't have much reprieve from the pain, but it sure does make those moments so much sweeter.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Normal Again.

episode 117.
airdate: 12 Mar 2002.

This episode freaks me out. I enjoy the idea that maybe this is ALL in Buffy's head, in the narrative sense, but in the sense that I am EMOTIONALLY involved with this series, I HATE it. I don't like the idea that B could be making all of this up. So, essentially the premise is that this whole time (the 6 years of the series) Buffy has been in a mental hospital in a catatonic state. She's made up being a Slayer, the Hellmouth, everything. They still live in L.A., her parents are still together, Joyce is alive, she doesn't have a sister, etc. Buffy is beginning to "wake up" and see glimpses of her hospital life and in the end of the ep she has to choose between Buffy the Vampire Slayer and being a normal, albeit crazy, girl. It is presented as if either could be real, though the explanation for her visions of the hospital Buffy is a demon who scratched her and something about the scratch infected her with hallucinations or something. I don't know why I'm explaining the whole ep before I watch it...

Pressing play: Buffy is looking for the troika's lair. She's going through a list of new rentals in the area. As she finds the house they're in, they deploy a demon. Ok, the demon didn't scratch her (maybe that was "Earshot"), it stabs her in the arm with a skewer/needle-like thing that comes out from between its knuckles. The very first time it stabs her she's transported to the hospital where the stab is a hypodermic needle trying to calm her down.

Willow is rehearsing asking Tara out for a date when she sees her talking to another woman. They kiss on the cheek. Willow suspects they're dating and leaves without talking to her. Buffy comforts Willow back at home. Xander shows up. He's looking for Anya, but she left town a few days earlier. Xander didn't want to break up, he still wants to date her, etc. He's super sad.

Buffy runs into Spike in the cemetery and she updates him on the Xander/Anya situation. Xander and Willow show up and Xander and Spike start getting testosteroney in each other's direction, then Buffy starts having headaches, being transported to the hospital. This is when the doc tells her she's in a mental institution and she's been there for 6 years. She's flashing in and out of both "realities". She sees her mom in HR (hospital reality) while Xander and Willow get her home to rest in SR (Sunnydale Reality). Spike is upset he can't help (they shut him out when he offers his crypt for her to rest in). Buffy updates Willow, Dawn and Xander on what's going on. The research hath begun. She's in a "multilayered delusion", an "undifferentiated type of schizophrenia", according to HR docs. "Buffy inserted Dawn into her delusion, actually rewriting her entire history of it to accomodate a need for a familial bond." The doc tells her the "delusion" is falling apart. She doesn't have a fanciful monster to face now, just a couple of kids she went to high school with...he really makes it sound like she's made this whole world up.

Warren and Andrew (in SR) are possibly plotting against Jonathan, who is not on board with the evil that Warren wants to amass. Buffy confides in Willow that she feels lost, detached. Tells Willow she has been to an institution before, back when she was first called as the Slayer. She told her parents about the vampires and they put her in a hospital. She hadn't ever told Willow this. She was there a couple of weeks. "What if I'm still there?" Willow tells her Xander and Spike are out hunting the demon right now, because it carries an antidote to its own poison. B tells Dawn she's ok. "The thousand yard stare really helps sell that." In HR her mom is making her say out loud that she doesn't have a sister. When she slips back into SR, Dawn gets upset that she's not in HR. Xander and Spike tie the demon up in the basement to get the antidote. Willow brings B the antidote. Spike is supposed to watch her to make sure she drinks the antidote, but she tells him to go away and he tells her she's not "drawn to the dark" like he thought, but "addicted to the misery". He thinks she could be at peace if she admitted she wants him and they could, what, have a relationship? He tells her he's going to tell her friends about them if she doesn't. Then he leaves. She pours the antidote in the trash.

In HR she tells the doc and her family that she wants to be healthy again and asks what she has to do. They need her to kill her "fake" friends. Spike has left, so this leaves killing Willow, Dawn, and Xander. Xander gets back to the house after leaving to shower and B hits him with a pan and drags him to the basement where she already has Willow tied up. Then she gets Dawn, who fights back and evades her better than the other two. Xander is the only one without duct tape over his mouth. Why is that? Buffy unchains the demon. Tara shows up as B is hiding under the stairs of the basement watching her friends get attacked. She's flashing back and forth between HR and SR. She thinks she has to just wait it out, but it's really hard for her not to help her friends and sister. Xander is being targeted by the demon and getting his ass kicked. Tara discovers them in the basement and uses magic to untie Dawn and Willow and throw a shelf up against the demon. Buffy grabs her ankle as she comes down the stairs and she falls. They're all up and fighting the demon. Sarah Michelle is doing great. God, she is a phenomenal actress!

In HR, Joyce is telling Buffy she's strong and to believe in herself, etc. She's staring off, banging her head against the wall, screaming out for her friends, when suddenly she stops, looks into her mother's eyes and tells her "You're right. Thank you....goodbye." Then she goes catatonic in HR and fights the demon in SR. She has chosen. This whole series has, in some way, been about how she's just a regular girl with a supernatural gig and a lot of the time, she would rather just be a regular girl, but given the choice, when she truly does not know which reality is real, she chooses the complicated reality. The one with flaws and demons and pain and heartbreak. She chooses to be a superhero, yes, but it's not at ALL a comfortable life. She has now essentially CHOSEN to be the Slayer, instead of it happening to her. That's very powerful. Luckily, she's not too late to save her friends. She tells them she's sorry. They forgive her instantly.

The episode ends in HR with the doc shining a light in B's eyes, telling her parents they've lost her. So freaking powerful. God, that one really pulls at the emotions. Because Joss will never answer the question of if THAT was the really real world. Ultimately, it doesn't matter, because we'd all rather be in the superhero Buffy world. So, we have to choose too. We don't get to know which is real, but wouldn't we all make the same choice? Don't I make the choice every day to live in fantasy worlds in my mind with all the entertainment I consume? Aren't we all a bit catatonic to our boring realities of weird government, work, and social politics? Dude, I choose Buffy, totally.

Commentary notes (by Rick Rosenthal and Diego Gutierrez) added 5.4.13:

Rick and Diego are lamenting that this episode isn't the last of the season. I'm really glad it's not. It makes more sense as a nugget of possibility. It has a lot of weight by itself and would have TOO much weight as a last episode. It would mock you as a finale. It would sway your own personal decision of which reality you choose. So to sum up, glad these two (who I've never heard of before this commentary) didn't get to choose where this episode went in the season arc. Watching these commentaries backwards (backwards episode order) is my way of drawing upside down. Seeing the show regress (I'm hoping) will teach me more about the show. More about fantasy fiction maybe.

In the scene where Spike tries to get close (figuratively and in reality) to Buffy as she's holding the antidote, he recoils from the light in her bedroom as he's advancing, telling her how he feels. Can't go into the light, can't get close. It's telling about his character, not being able to be a monster or a man.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Hell's Bells.

episode 116.
airdate: 5 Mar 2002.

I get that this is the "everyone is imploding" season, but Xander REALLLLY doesn't have to. I hate this episode. Let's get it over with. I can even see this episode occurring, up until the part where Xander leaves Anya. That part is sooo lame, Xander.

Buffy and Willow hate their bridesmaids dresses. Anya thinks they look beautiful. Xander's family is obnoxious, bigoty, and mean. An old guy materializes just as Xander says "Now nothing on Earth can stop this wedding now." I wonder if the marriage would have happened if Anya hadn't insisted on all the crazy planning. Buffy helps Xander get dressed and she's "happy tear-y". Tara and Willow are helping Anya get dressed and they're all flirty and cute. Anya is practicing her vows and they're all sweet and cute. "I get to be with my best friend forever!" Spike arrives at the wedding with a date. The mysterious old guy shows up at the wedding and pulls Xander aside, tells him he's him from the future. Makes him look at a crystal ball to show him his future. Xander's dad mades crude remarks to B. After Xander looks at the crystal he's transported to a drunken future with two kids. His back's "shot" because of some fight for Buffy. He's transported to an even further future where they fight in public with their older kids. Then even further with more fighting and Xander coming at Anya with a frying pan. The future-Xander tells him he can't marry Anya.

Buffy and Spike talk. She admits she's jealous of his date, but it doesn't change anything. Spike decides he'll go. He tells her it's nice to watch her being happy, for Xander and Anya. Xander is pacing in the kitchen. Willow comes in. They hug. He says he needs a second to work on his vows and steps out. Buffy has to stall as Willow goes to look for him. Anya is still practicing her vows and she says them one last time and they're very genuine and sweet. Xander is walking in the rain through town as the voiceover of Anya's vows continue.

Everyone is getting anxious waiting. Anya overhears Dawn telling someone Xander's missing. Then there's pandemonium, lots of fighting and destruction. Anya confronts the old man, after finding out he was the last to talk to him. He turns into a demon. It wasn't Xander from the future, but someone she wreaked vengeance upon. He's there to ruin her life like she ruined his. Buffy fights the demon and Xander shows up. Anya tells him what the demon showed him was lies. Xander finishes the demon off. Everyone applauds and sits back down, then Xander's dad starts the fighting all over. Anya makes them all sit. Her and Xander go talk. Xander is still very upset.

He tells her he's not ready to get married. He's scared of becoming his dad. He thinks they went too fast. Anya has to go and tell everyone there won't be a wedding, but you don't even see her say it, just walking down the aisle slowly with tears. She's bewildered. Dawn, Willow, and Buffy are wondering where Xander is later and talking about the whole thing. The episode ends with Xander checking into a gross motel room and Anya being comforted by D'Hoffryn, her old vengeance demon boss.

Maybe this really was meant to happen. Anya was defined by Xander from the moment she was no longer defined by being a demon. After all the mayhem she caused as a demon, this is her karma. Xander is such a good man. He's literally leaving her because he's afraid staying with her will cause her more pain than leaving her now.

Commentary (by David Solomon and Rebecca Rand Kirshner) notes added 5.4.13:

Mirrors and rain are themes in this episode. The mirror of family and the rain is the sadness Xander feels as he uses his family as a mirror to himself? I'm making that up. I wonder if the reason I'm not dealing well with these commentaries is that it's very overstimulating. I'm supposed to do four of these today and I'm on episode three and I'm just exhausted and I've only written like 7 paragraphs. I'm spending all my brainpower trying to find something to write about. Their conversations, understandably, are not planned out, not linear. They're as hard to understand as real life conversations. The fantasy of Buffy and the Joss-talk of the characters makes more sense to me than two people that MADE the art sitting in a room and talking about it. Hmm. I keep waiting to find my niche within these commentaries and I really want to quit, but I need to do this. I need to gather all the information/research on my favorite show ever so that I can eventually write a book about it. Or, failing that, perhaps I'll learn something along the way, writing-wise. I NEED to learn something, writing-wise, because I looked up some graduate degrees online the other day and I would have to go back and take a bunch of English classes to even qualify for a graduate program in writing. I can't afford that AND it sounds exhausting.

Perhaps I'll have an epiphany after watching 33 commentaries in the month of May whilst not really writing ANYTHING about the show while I'm supposed to be watching. Blurgh. Anyway, perhaps my epiphany will be that I cannot, however much I may want to, create my own writing school. There are some free writing courses online that might be total shizz, but I'll try those too. I'll try everything before resorting to more school debt, though I'd really love to be in school again. I love the atmosphere of school. I need to find discipline within myself. Focus beyond the cobwebs in my brain. I have a lot of ideas, but these commentaries are really making me feel like I'm wasting time. This particular one is a lot of bad jokes like the two of these people have never been in a room together. Just, why? Why do a commentary if it's useless? Which is how I tend to feel about a lot of conversations people have in life. There are actually many times (perhaps it's the Aspergers) wherein I feel I could be doing something so much better. I guess a lot of my life is just that. I could be spending my time better. I suppose we're all just chasing the best use of our time in life. As long as we are actively chasing it, we're doing the best we can, right? Right?

And every day is a struggle. I'm learning this. Even if I was David Solomon, writing for Buffy the Vampire Slayer for seven years, I'd still have to find something else after seven extremely fulfilling years working for the best year ever. Even if you win Rupaul's Drag Race in 2012 and you make the best of it by working your ass off all year (Sharon Needles, obviously), you still have to relinquish your crown in 2013. And reconcile the downtimes after the extremely UPtimes. Sort of how I feel now. I had an incredible month of April watching and writing about Buffy and now it's May and I'm attempting to carry on my discipline and keep writing and it's hard and it's not the same and I need to figure out how to do this again. I've been writing about me while Xander and Anya's relationship is ending. Bla bla bla. It is hard though, because all the while I'm writing this, I don't know if anyone reads it. But this is what people do. They do what they're passionate about, without recognition or validation, and they keep doing it until they reach those rare epiphany moments, right? Right?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: As You Were.

episode 115.
airdate: 26 Feb 2002.

B is still working at Doublemeat Palace, in case you forgot. She fights a vamp on the way home. The vampire rejects biting her because she smells like fast food. She stakes him anyway, of course. Buffy does it with Spike in the front yard. She brings Dawn home Doublemeat again, but D says she can't eat it another night. Willow and Dawn invite B out to the Bronze. She refuses. Anya and Xander are nervous about the wedding, which is next week. Jeez. Willow is giddy about the possibility of getting closer to Tara again.

Riley shows up at the restaurant the next day with a new scar on his face. He needs to talk about something he's hunting. He needs her expertise. She leaves work without word. Rare, lethal, demon. He starts "debriefing" with his gadgets and she laughs at him for a second. The demon breeds like bunnies, so that's why it's a big deal. Anya and Xander are on their way to the airport to pick up Xander's uncle. They're all stressed because Anya is inviting a bunch of demons and Xander's whole family are crazy drunks. B is all flirty with Riley as they go after the demon. They're dramatically staring into each other's eyes when a chick that, big reveal, is Riley's wife. She's a black ops chick too and a good fighter. Buffy is thrown for a second, then B kills the demon. Riley and Sam are disappointed. They didn't want to kill it, which Riley forgot to mention. The three of them go back to B's house. Everyone is happy to see Riley. Willow tells Buffy she's "prepared to hate this woman" all best-friendy, because "you can't, but I can". B tells her to "go nuts".

The problem now is that the reason they wanted the demon alive was because they were going to let it lead them to its nest. So now they have to find the nest another way. Sam suggests to Will that she do a locating spell, as she heard she's "major league Wicca" and Will gets upset and leaves the room. Sam and Buffy are going in one direction with Riley in another. Sam goes and apologizes to Will: "I think I really stepped in it back there." She's cool and tough and sweet. A really great match for Riley. Sam tells B she's legendary, for being a Slayer, for being Riley's ex. She's real complimentary, a little overly personal, but she's again, perfect for Riley and B is feeling sad. She suggests they split up and goes to see Spike for information. She makes him tell her he loves her and wants her and they do it. Riley breaks in and sees them in bed together. Turns out Spike is the "doctor" that's selling the demon eggs on the black market that they're trying to find. Buffy is angry at Spike, of course. They find the eggs at Spike's and they start hatching.

Anya and Xander are hiding in the bathroom and they decide "our wedding is not our marriage". A distinction a lot of people don't seem to realize. My two cents about weddings for a sec: it's just a damn party. Have it however you usually enjoy your parties. You don't have to do all these traditional things and invite everyone you've ever known. You don't have to care if someone's offended you didn't invite. them. IT'S YOUR DAMN LIFE. K, I'm done.

Riley and Buffy talk after the battle is over and B thinks it was easy for Riley to come and flaunt his perfect life in front of Buffy's "pathetic" one. Poor thing. She lost her mom, she died, she lost her bf. Riley reminds Buffy that she's a"helluva woman". They all say their goodbyes. Everyone loves Riley and Sam.

B goes to see Spike. Breaks up with him. She does it respectfully. She even calls him William. Tells him she's been using him and she's been weak and selfish and that she's sorry. And then she walks out into the light.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Older and Far Away.

episode 114.
airdate: 12 Feb 2002.

Before I start, I was thinking a bit more about Buffy and Spike's relationship. The writers are definitely playing with the abusive relationship here. On the one hand (the hand I usually hold), Spike is obsessive about Buffy. He's verbally manipulative, but I think this is borne of knowing that she will never love him. He's grasping at her the only way he knows how as a soulless being. Though he will ultimately attempt to rape her, the abuser in this relationship is more often Buffy. She is "using" him, by her own definition. She also batters him often, as seen above in the picture and in the last episode when she did that to his face. For at least two years she has had no respect for his privacy at home, breaking in more often than, wait, has she ever knocked? Granted, he ultimately doesn't complain, but how much of this is feeling controlled by her? He loves her sooooo ridiculously much, that he's not going to bitch if she uses him, beats him, and disrespects him. She's also ashamed of him. Before I called him obsessed, that it wasn't love, but I'm starting to think it IS love. It's not smart love, but there it is. Ultimately, he would do anything she asked of him, and right now, she's asking for pain. If she wanted some other kind of lovemaking/relationship with him, he'd comply with that too. Spike only looks the part of bad boy...he's always been ruled by his heart, however misguided. The fact that Spike is mostly in the background in the comics is an oversight, because his character and his relationship to Buffy was going somewhere. I guess maybe it just ends up mutual warrior respect between B and S, and that's pretty epic (I haven't read all the comics yet, so I'm not up to date on everything that happens there--I cannot WAIT to get caught up with the comics after this month is over!), so I can hang with that too.

Onward with "Older and Far Away": Buffy's birthday party is tomorrow night and B is running out in the middle of dinner to patrol. Dawn is feeling neglected, as per usual. Buffy is fighting a weird red swordsman-type demon. He liquefies and goes into his sword when B was down. She thinks he ran away and left his sword, so she confiscates it. "Shiny." Dawn tries to recruit peeps to go with her to the mall to shop for B's birthday gift, but everyone has other plans. Dawn really hates spending time alone, apparently. When she gets home later, she has a bunch of stolen goods, including a leather jacket. The next day she gets called out of class to the guidance counselor's office. It's Halfrek in human form. I don't know if we're supposed to recognize her at this point? Obviously she looks different without the demon face. She tells her sometimes she wishes she could make people stop "going away". I love that in parties on Buffy there are introductions for any odd characters attending the party, reasons for them to be there. On Friends there was always a ton of extras in the background and you're like, "When did they ever hang out with anyone else? Come on!" Anya and Xander invited a boy over they think B might like and B invited someone from work. Tara is coming. Willow is nervous and looks really cute. Tara looks beautiful, as per usual. I think Tara is my style goddess. She's wearing black lace and velvet and a nice Victorian-style necklace. Spike shows up with Clem.

Gift-time: Willow gives her a lame back massager, Dawn gives her the leather jacket she stole, and Xander gives her this amazing weapons chest he built himself. As soon as Sophie (B's friend from work) shows up, Halfrek appears from the shadows of the porch and says "Wish granted." Everyone is SOO stuck there now. The party seems really fun. Everyone dancing and Monopoly-playing. Everyone sleeps over. They don't realize they can't leave until the next morning when they're all watching cartoons. Tara and Willow bond for a second. Dawn gets pissy when they all want to leave and goes to sulk on her bed. This makes them suspect she might have done something. She screams her patented "get out get out get OUT!" They decide they need to do a spell, but Tara didn't bring any supplies. Willow admits she squirreled a few things and surrenders them to Tara. She does a spell to "release" them, but instead it releases what was in the sword and they still can't get out. The demon has the ability to liquefy into things, like the floor and the walls. The guy Anya and Xander invited for B gets stabbed by the demon. I love horror when the characters are all trapped in a small space together, like "Cube". The demon intermittently emerges from the walls to wreak havoc. Xander gets the wrath of the sword, but Anya is already freaking out about being trapped, so he puts on a brave face for her. That's super sweet. M does that for me when the tornado sirens go off. He packs the backpack out of my sight and keeps his emotions inside. So sweet.

Dawn is being really immature. She confides in Buffy finally, lamenting that she's alone. Tara says she thinks she's tried everything they can do, magically. Anya brings up that they're trapped with an "incredibly powerful witch"...Willow, but no one is talking about it because she's off the juice. Anya gets a little confrontational. Xander agrees with Anya. Just one little spell. Willow says no. Tara defends her. Awesome moment.

During the confiding, Dawn mentions the guidance counselor and that she's new. B puts it together real fast and asks her if she made any "wishes" to her. Anya, still freaking out, starts going through Dawn's room and finds some of the stuff she's been stealing. So now they know about her klepto-ing. Anya is very upset, understandably, because most of what she stole was from the Magic Box. Buffy realizes the jacket gift was stolen too. Anya realizes when B tells her Dawn made a wish to a guidance counselor that it's her friend Halfrek and calls her to them to make it right. When Halfrek arrives she gets stabbed by the demon. Spike and Buffy fight it and B stabs him with his sword to trap him within it again, then destroys the sword. So he's dealt with...Halfrek is fine, she can heal herself. She recognizes Spike (she's the same actress that played his love interest right before he turned). Cecily, I think. They don't explain it, but she calls him "William" and she sort of giggles and fluffs her hair a bit after recognizing him. Cool.

Halfrek explains that Dawn was in pain.  She refuses to reverse the spell.  Then she realizes she's trapped in the house with them too, so she breaks the spell so everyone can leave. Willow explains to Tara why she kept the magic stuff, as a sort of safety net, like "What if things get bad, like really bad?" Tara tells her things did get bad, really bad, and she didn't cave--"Time to work without the net." Xander and Anya take injured boy to the hospital and everyone else leaves too, but Buffy makes a big-sis-hero gesture and stays with Dawn.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Dead Things.

episode 113.
airdate: 5 Feb 2002.

Buffy and Spike are doing it. They banter a bit after. Spike acknowledges that they're "having a conversation". She doesn't run out like she usually would. Spike tells her she's amazing, that he's never been with such an animal. She starts to go and Spike asks her if she even likes him. Asks if she trusts him and she says "Never".

Jonathan, Andrew, and Warren are doing a spell to create a "cerebral dampener" to make someone their sex slave. A cerebral dampener is NOT consent! Tara goes to visit B at her gross job, was asked to visit her, I guess. Tara is worried that it's about Willow and magic, but B tells her Willow is doing really well. B wants to know why Spike can hurt her, why his chip doesn't work with her and she thinks Tara can help. She wants to know about the spell that brought her back.

Warren is at a bar with the other two in the van talking to him via earpiece. He has video on his tie so they can see and they're supposed to be helping him find their sex slave, but he zeros in on Katrina, his ex-girlfriend. They don't know she's his ex, though. She tells him to leave her alone. He uses the cerebral thingy on her. She calls him Master two seconds after telling him he's disgusting or something to that effect.

Buffy, Anya, Willow, and Xander go to the Bronze. Dawn is night-spending at Janice's. Katrina is back at the troika's lair. Ugh, I can't believe Andrew or Jonathan would agree to this terrible sex slave stuff. The spell wears off before poor Katrina can be violated. Katrina yells at them and tells them "it's rape". Andrew and Jonathan are shocked. They didn't think of it like that. She tries to get away, but Warren hits her over the head with a bottle. He wants to give her "another dose". She's dead. Warren is evil. Jonathan and Andrew are traumatized, but Warren says "we did this" and he tries to troubleshoot a way to get rid of the body. Andrew and Jonathan want to go to the police. Warren thinks of some plan to get rid of the Slayer and the body at the same time. Anya, Willow, and Xander are dancing to swing music at the Bronze when B goes to the balcony to be alone. Spike shows up and fucks her from behind. Wow. That's disturbing. He whispers things in her ears about how she's separated from them. That she always ends up in the dark with him. That's so public. He's telling her she belongs in the shadows with him. This is a form of rape too. Because he's isolating her from her friends on purpose.

Willow is wearing the jacket she'll wear when she tries to end the world. Willow and Xander run into Tara coming out of the magic shop. Willow tells Tara she's been magic-free for 32 days. It's a sweet little interaction. Bush's "Out of This World" plays as B goes to Spike's door, but doesn't go in. "Are we drowning or waving?" She's trying to think about anything else, but then she sees Katrina crying on the ground. Then some demons show up, then she's alone again, then she's with Spike, then the demons are back. She's looping, like she did in the magic shop that day Jonathan did a spell on her. She sees Katrina rolls down a hill. Spike was really there helping her fight the demons. She runs after Katrina and she's dead, of course. I don't think B knows it's Katrina, as she only saw her once for a few minutes. She's horrified because she thinks she killed her. Spike drags her away, tells her it was an accident, that he'll sort it out and she needs to go home to bed.

Buffy is having terrible dreams, mixing up memories of Spike with (fake)memories of killing Katrina. She goes in to see Dawn. Wakes her up and tells her she has to turn herself into the police. Dawn tells her she's never there anyway. As Buffy is going to the police station, Spike stops her. She asks him what he did and he says "no one will ever find her", but then the police say they found someone by the river. He reminds her it wasn't her fault. She starts beating Spike up and he plays the game to distract her from turning herself in. She starts deconstructing, beating him senseless...then she's horrified at what she did to him. She still goes into the station. She overhears the police saying the victim's name on the phone and she leaves.

The next day at the magic shop Anya is explaining the type of demon Buffy was fighting. It causes temporal disturbances and hallucinations to be exposed to the demon for even a few seconds. So now they know Warren probably did this. Tara tells Buffy there's nothing wrong with her, that she just came back slightly different. Different enough to throw off Spike's chip. Buffy breaks down sobbing in Tara's lap, Tara guesses what she's been doing with Spike. Stellar crying performance as always, Sarah Michelle. Damn. I love how she gets all wide-eyed and dead and then her mouth gets all twisty. One of my favorite cryers ever. Tara promises she won't tell anyone and tries to justify why she might be feeling this way about Spike, but Buffy keeps saying "Please don't forgive me...please don't forgive me."

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Doublemeat Palace.

episode 112.
airdate: 29 Jan 2002.

Willow, Anya, and Xander are hanging out at B's and Willow explains that B tried to go back to the troika's lair, but they had cleared out. B is getting ready for her first day at a fast food place and she looks funny in her outfit.

Everyone at Buffy's new job is creepy. The manager makes her eat one of the gross chicken and beef burgers. This fast food place is one of the scariest settings of this show, ever. I'm so glad I never had to work in fast food. I bet it's awful. Buffy is suspicious of the high turnover-rate and the spacey workers and the creepy manager. Xander says, "I think you're seeing demons where there's just life."

Spike goes to visit B. He tells her "You're not happy here...you're better than this." Tells her he can get her money. That "this place will do stuff to you". Fast food must be pretty bad if a vampire is warning you you'll be changed forever by working there. When B is learning grill-duty, the guy teaching her is talking about getting grease in his eyelashes, ears, nostrils.

Halfrek, Anya's old vengeance buddy comes to see Anya and Halfrek is all judgey about Anya marrying someone after all the men they've had to wreak vengeance upon over the centuries. Spike does Buffy on her break. Amy goes to see Willow. Amy acts like she's there to talk and get her rat cage back, for sentimental reasons, but she's really there to taunt her and give her a spell against her will as a "gift".

Buffy discovers a finger in the meat at her job. She confronts Manny the manager and runs out to the front telling everyone to stop eating. That "it's people!" She gets fired for causing mayhem. Back at the magic shop B has called an "emergency meeting" and it's just Xander and Dawn. Dawn couldn't find Willow ("I knocked and knocked on her door.") because she's spelling out in her room. Anya is with Halfrek. B presents her finger evidence. B has a burger specimen and says "We need to analyze that burger. We need to see if its people." Xander has eaten it. Willow shows up. B thinks she needs to take down the whole corporation. Dawn is wearing the cutest kitten t-shirt. B goes back to get another burger specimen after hours. She finds Manny's severed foot. Willow is doing chemistry to test the burger sample. She finds it's not human, but vegetables. Ok, maybe Buffy is just investigating because Willow is testing something she already had on-hand. A piece left on the wrapper, maybe?

Buffy finds an old lady that comes into the restaurant to order a cherry pie every day and a penis-like snake comes out of her head and sprays some paralyzing spray at Buffy. Willow shows up to check on B and update her on the test results. She also updates her on the spell Amy gave her. She's speaking to her on the drive-thru speaker. She hears a commotion inside the restaurant as Buffy is beginning to be eaten by the penis-head-monster. Willow goes into the store and cuts the monster off at the base (where it meets the old lady's head) from behind her back.

The next morning Amy goes to see Willow again. Will tells her she can't spend time with Amy anymore. Tells her the spell makes everything harder. Apparently Amy has resentment towards Willow for not turning her back into a human earlier. Buffy goes to turn in her uniform and meets the new manager. Buffy tells her she knows that the "secret ingredient" is vegetables and asks for her job back. She gets it. Yeay?

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Gone.

episode 111.
airdate: 8 Jan 2002.

Willow has to get rid of all her magic stuff. No candles or tarot cards.

Buffy is wearing a wig.

The troika load the diamond they stole at the museum into a gun. It's an invisibility ray.

Dawn is pissy with both B and W. B admits that she should have noticed that her "best friend was drowning" etc. Just then Spike shows up. Says he's looking for his lighter. A woman from Social Services shows up. B had forgotten about their appointment. Things look bad. She's been put on probation. It's lame that she will be put on close supervision because with Social Services when if she were Dawn's actual mother, she could be as much of a deadbeat as she wanted. Spike gets his lighter out of B's pocket and it's all sexual-like.

Righteous hair-cutting scene! The troika go to a beauty shop with their invisibility gun to shoot a cosmetologist or something and accidentally shoot B as she's walking by after getting her hair did. She goes to the magic shop afterwards. She doesn't seem upset at all that she's invisible. She leaves Xander and Anya to figure out what's wrong with her. Xander suspects Willow and goes to see her at B's. Anya is distracted by wedding plans. Tara and Giles are gone. Everything is all a mess. Willow is upset Xander thinks she might have made B invisible. She storms out.

Buffy is walking around town messing with people, enjoying her invisibility. She messes with the Social Services chick, moving her mug and stuff. When she goes to the bathroom, B tampers with her file on the woman's desk. They decide to reassign her cases.

When X gets to the scene of the invisibiliting, W is already there spraypainting to get invisible things to emerge. Willow is off to find the van that's been "stalking Buffy".

B goes to see Spike and has some weird invisible sex with him. Xander and Anya discover that the invisible pilon they brought back to the magic shop is breaking down over time. Presumably, that will happen to B if they don't turn her back pronto. Warren knew that, but didn't tell Andrew and Jonathan. They're upset. Jonathan convinces Warren to re-visible Buffy, but they have to fix the gun first, 'cause I guess it's broken.

Xander goes to Spike's to find Buffy. Weird invisibility sex Xander walks in on. Spike makes B leave after she tells him she's glad to be free of her life. Willow is computer hacking, resisting the urge to boost it with magic. Dawn gets home and B is showing off her invisibility. Dawn asks her if she's "working on it". She's upset, as per usual. B checks her messages and has one from Xander telling her she'll "fade into nothing" if they don't fix it. Willow finds the van and the troika's lair. She sees their blueprints for the gun. The troika are invisible too and take Willow hostage. They call B and tell her to meet them at an arcade. If you were invisible, would you know where you were in relation to the rest of the world? Like how would you know where you are?

Ok, so they're at the arcade and this is the first time they're encountering Andrew, Jonathan, and Warren. And they're all invisible. Willow tells B when she gets there that there's just three of them. She looks craycray though because all four of them are invisible. Warren gets ready to shoot B with the gun telling her he's re-visibling her, but Willow notices the gun is on the INvisible setting, which would speed up her molecular deconstruction or something. So B has to fight them. Warren lied to Andrew and Jonathan. There's an invisible argument amongst the boys and then a fight. Willow gets the gun and starts re-visibling everyone. She knows Jonathan and Warren already, of course, but not Andrew.

Buffy: So you three have banded together to what? Be pains in my ass?
Warren: We're your arch nemesiseses.

Everyone thinks B's hair is "adorable". It was a really hard day for Willow. Buffy tells Willow she was scared when X told her she was fading away. She wants to live. Breakthrough. They have the gun now too. Both B and W decide they've made "good first steps". B wants to live and W made it through a day without magic. But they still look so sad.