Mallrats (1995)

This is one of those movies that I really just like to zone out and not think about. I'm afraid if I overthink it, I won't like it as much. In fact, I'm sure of it. This is not a philosophical movie. I'm almost certain I wouldn't like this movie if I saw it now for the first time. Does this mean I should rate it how I feel about it now or how I felt about it then? The inane conversations of adolescent men used to amuse me to no end, but these conversations no longer exist in my age-group unless those within my age-group are stoned.

Ok, I remember why I like it. Because the dialogue is more intelligent than any adolescent male conversation, even though the subject matter is just as inane. I do, however, feel about the mall the way they feel about the mall. I enjoy the contained commerce of it all. The indoor browsing of meaningless goods. I like the visual stimulus of stuff I won't buy. I do buy meaningless crap at the mall occasionally.  Why not? Because of underpaid overworked overseas workers in factories? Yes. I really should restrict all my shopping to the DAV. And there aren't book, comic, or music stores in the mall anymore except Vintage Stock which is pretty cool, actually.

I've always been drawn to the unplot-plot. Most of my favorite movies are just a group of characters doing nothing. This movie is quotable, for sure. Sometimes movies are better in the constant pop-culture retelling you do with your friends and family out in the real world.

TS and Brandy are completely boring. I don't care about them at all. There's not a shred of quirk in them. borrrrrrrring. The pretzel-poop scene is not my humor. I like my revenge in the form of ass-kickings, myself.

"Understanding is reached only after confrontation."

Mostly, I just play this movie in the background while I'm knitting or something. And I really don't care halfway through the movie when the plot kicks in. It's simply a much-watched highly-quotable movie.

character average: 5.14
replayability: 8
music: 3
dialogue: 8
atmosphere: 7

TOTAL: 31.14

// emotional pornography //

Just sat through a NINE HOUR seminar at work about the Color Code. I am a white with a secondary color of red with about equal amounts of yellow and blue mixed in, in case you're wondering. Use the link to take the test yourself, if you're into that kind of thing.

I did feel very validated when they talked about the whites. I feel this pretty accurately represents me...

but, here's the thing. I feel that astrology pretty accurately represents me. I felt that Myers-Briggs pretty accurately represents me. I feel that psychological profiling could accurately represent me, were I to be diagnosed with something (Asperger's).

I think this is just the way with us as human beings. We categorize. I could make myself believe almost anything about myself, because don't we all have the traits of human beings within us at any given time? I tested yellow back in 2003! 

It felt a little like a cult, to be honest. Charismatic leader spewing, as a coworker called it, "emotional pornography" at us all day in the form of personal stories, lots of acting, and stereotyping. 

However, it did seem to fit. It was all very convincing, and this makes me suspicious. I am so tired...think I might be coming down with something. I apologize for the sloppy blog, but I can't find my journal anywhere, so here I write.

They did ask at the end of the seminar (after the plug to go spend $30 on their "more detailed" personality profile) how we each could better represent our colors. How we could "live our motive" better, and I like the question. I feel that peace is a motivator for me. And I also feel that I HAVE to express myself through music somehow. I feel a release when I make a mix, sing karaoke, or dance. I must find a way to make this into who I am. I am so bored with the gruel of daily life and something needs to change. I need:

*to be more CREATEive

*to have more time alone

*to find a way to express myself through music (writing about music? lipsyncing for my life onstage? karaoke? actually composing my own music?)

Oh, and the novel-writing is on hold. It's not going to be "a novel in November". More like "a novel eventual". I did get the ball rolling and I have a structure and I've written 25 or so pages and I like my idea and I think it will be good for me, but I've been too overwhelmed with the world lately. Overwhelmed good (drag queens, self-discovery) and overwhelmed bad (BK health issues, M's gpa, job incompatibilities). 

I think I might want "cunt" as a tattoo...as in Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent. and in a cool graffiti-type script so you can't REALLY tell what it is unless you meditate upon it or are fluent in aerosol art. This will represent the obvious (girl-power and shit), but also my love for drag queens and a symbol of how they (mostly ShAaron, but several others as well--past, present, and future) inspire me to be my most really real me.

Sometimes the world is so beautiful, it hurts to look at it.

With that said, I think I may just stop looking at it for the night and be completely unproductive and hope the germs inside my system don't overtake me this week...and also with you. May all of our germs just fly right back on out tonight, brothers and sisters.

Me and ShAaron.

11/10/12- She has a rat on her head.

Letter #1 given to ShAaron in San Antonio.

Look for San Antonio show.

Last night I saw Sharon Needles at Martha's Vineyard in Springfield...just 60-something miles from my home! I was so excited the night before last that I couldn't sleep. I watched an episode of Rupaul ("Dragazine" season 4) just to settle in to sleep. I made Sharon a copy of two of my mixes, my Halloween mix I've just renamed "Dead Man's Party" and my best of 2012 mix called "Circumambient" and wrote her a cheesy little card as well with sentiments you'd expect, like that she's an inspiration to me and that I feel super validated having a gorgeous goth ladyboy win a competition in the U.S.

And about how she woke me from a coma. He really did. I have been sort of ignoring that dark Stephanie for a long time, and it's a big part of who I am. I never cared what anyone thought until I stepped out of high school and into the "real world", but I've felt out of place ever since. Simply because I stopped making the effort. I stopped wearing fishnets on my arms and smears of black on my face. I even shunned the color black for awhile and I think it was just the poison of what I perceived to be "adult life" that ruined it for me. I remember when dressing up to go out I'd think, "All I know how to do is dress goth!" not making the connection that the REASON for that is that it's the way I'm supposed to dress. I think we all have our Valium against the world. The thing that makes us ok to breath in front of others. For me, this is my physical appearance. Because I don't generally say much, I expect to convey the entirety of who I am through how I look. This is why I have tattoos, piercings, and dress weird, because I genuinely feel that this is a real representation of how I feel on the inside. As I've said many times, I feel like my tattoos have always been there, I just had to DO something so they could surface (this is a metaphorical way of thinking about it, not metaphysical).

Ever since coming to know Sharon Needles on reality TV, I have been dressing up again and experimenting with makeup. I am truly inspired to be me, and I haven't felt that since the days of Shirley and Marilyn Manson. I once again have the courage to love the darkness that has always been my true aesthetic. Most people won't understand this perspective, but I feel so much better now. I don't normally become obsessed with celebrity, but I feel such a kinship with this beautiful creature. We're both left-handed, both got kicked out of school (mine was for a day here and there while he got asked to leave high school permanently, so NOT the same, but similar sentiment) for being a "distraction" to other students, both weird, both almost the same age (he's a few months older, I think). The fact that he's using his celebrity as a platform for acceptance among the weirdos is exactly what I wanted to do when I was on Maury Povich (it so didn't work after the editing, because it was not in their agenda for me to look interesting or intelligent, but I had this grand idea that I would be a glowing example of goth kids on television and the masses would see that we could be smart and nice and not hellbeasts that you have to protect your children from).

11/10/12

Gush gush gush. On Rupaul's Drag Race, as you can imagine, I was gunning for her since the very first moment I saw her in her witch hat on episode one. Every week I worried she'd be kicked off, because goth girls like us are always misunderstood. But for once in our straight world, a campy goth queen prevailed. I've said it so many times, but I truly didn't know I needed the validation until this show. The goth girl buried within screamed to see this beauty in the media telling me it was ok to be me. I'm ashamed I needed outside reinforcement, but I am so incredibly appreciative that it came. It really brought up a lot of emotion for me. Sometimes I get so stuck in my own head that I forget that some people get me sometimes, but it is very rare. I also forget that most people don't have this problem. I know we all get less validation than we need, but I truly think differently, and I feel out of place almost all the time. I don't get too hung up on it, but when I'm in places like a Sharon show or even just a regular gay bar, I feel the stark contrast between how I feel normally and what it feels like to be accepted and amongst my people. Last night I made some new dancey friends and I was happy. A woman told me I was "wearing that dress" and that I seemed "fearless" and that I must be a "closet performer". She also bought me a drink, so I think she was flirting, but she was very non-confrontational about it and sweet. I've always felt an outpouring of love at gay bars. It's like when the weird ones get together in one room, we can finally be ourselves and be unguarded.

ShAaron and me in San Antonio, 10/19/12

I first met ShAaron in San Antonio when he played Frank N Furter in the Rocky Horror Show. I told her I was sooo happy he exists and she said, "I don't exist honey, you've just gone mad!" She grabbed my head as he said this and bounced it around in her hands. I said, "Well, I like it!" He also liked my day of the dead girl tattoo and said, "I'm going to pretend that's me."

Last night she dedicated her fame, her crown, the reason he's become the icon he's becoming to "anyone who subverts the traditional images of beauty".

To sum up, I'm happy to be gothing it up again, I may have to become a drag queen, and ShAaron has made the list of top 5 all time celebrities and she's in good fucking company (Fiona Apple, Tim Gunn, Grimes, and Joss Whedon).

Me last night. I see why Sharon wears the white
contacts, 'cause you totally can't see my eyes, man.

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Empire Records (1995)

Most of what I love about this movie is the snarky existential teenager dialogue and the atmosphere of working in a record store.  I always wondered if it could really be like this, but after experiencing Slackers, this amazing record store in Columbia a few weeks ago, I think it might be possible to work in a quirky record store with all the grit and the life of music like in the movies.  This is a fantasy of mine.  To work in an Empire Records or High Fidelity-like store.  Perhaps someday, I will.  This movie is so quotable.

Slackers in Columbia, MO.

"Who knows where thoughts come from: they just appear."

"Damn the man!"

"I don't feel that I need to explain my art to you, Warren."

"What's with today, today?"

"Well, Sinead O'Rebellion.  Shock me, shock me, shock me with that deviant behavior."

"This music is the glue of the world.  It holds it all together.  Without this, life would be meaningless."

"Let's not fight...let's just RIP."


I love scenes in movies where women defiantly cut their hair/shave their heads while glaring at themselves in the mirror.  I've always wanted to do it, but I don't have the guts...yet.  Robin Tunney looks hot bald too.

This movie is just like a giant box of dark chocolate Raisinets with a cherry Pepsi on a day when you totally deserve it.  It makes me happy.  I want to know all of these characters, except Corry.  She's whiny and timid.  I love that everyone just calls that kid Warren Beatty without comment.  The music in this movie really tries to be diverse and interesting...everyone in the individual listening booths rawking out to their own respective records.

AJ was exactly my type when I first saw this movie.  I still like his long hair and grungy clothes and artist's soul, but he's not that heartbreaking.  I love that Corry just takes her bra off at the table at the pizza place.

Lesson in girl-bonding-in-the-bathroom scenes: Do NOT ask the girl that's not usually comforting to you, "Why are you being so nice to me?"  Every time my little sister asked me that when we were young, it ruined it, just like it does here.

That was a pretty good kiss, actually.  And it ends in dancing.  I'm a little too enthusiastic about this movie...

Character average: 6.875
Replayability: 9
Atmosphere: 10
Music: 8
Dialogue: 7

TOTAL: 40.875

Clueless (1995)

(Oh, and I also already scored "The Crow".  I decided to disqualify it because it was pretty much just the first act that I enjoyed.  I like to put this movie on when I'm "gothing up" to go out on a spooky night.  I still get really jazzed up watching the first 20 minutes, but the rest is just a lot of darkness and shooting.)

Clueless makes me happy.  Cute '90s outfits, snappy dialogue, based on an Austen novel, has Paul Rudd (one of my top five heartthrob screen-boys ever alongside Seth Green, Justin Timberlake, Michael Cera, and John Cusack pre-2003)...what could be wrong with this movie?  Well, I predict that nothing is wrong with this movie, but let's check it and see, shall we?

Touchscreen monitor in 1995?!?  Three songs within the first two minutes.  Remember how funny it was when you first saw this movie that Cher and Dionne were talking on their cell phones in the hallway?  Like anyone would ever DO that?!  As IF!

"The maudlin music of the University station?"  I used to do that dance that Cher and Ty did at the party all the time with, like, everybody.  Ugh, I hate Christian.  "You think just because Sammy Davis, Jr. died, there's an opening in the Rat Pack?"  Alicia Silverstone is so good at whining.  My first driving test was kind of like Cher's.  I failed to yield and nearly plowed into a semi in front of the DMV and then afterwards asked how many points that almost-tragic wreck took off and the woman said, "Oh, you failed." and I had to drive us immediately back into the parking lot.  Yikes.  I passed the test the very next day, however.  I was a slow-starter in the driving category.  I really had to LEARN to see stop signs.  ;)

Final Tally:

Character average: 6.67
Music: 5
Atmosphere: 9
Dialogue: 7
Replayability: 8

TOTAL: 35.67

Real Genius (1985)

The music during the opening credits is weird here (it's some jazz vocal tune).  It makes you think you're about to watch a romantic comedy or something, and it is anything but...

Widescreen is letterboxed here...this film definitely doesn't look as beautiful as the two previous in my list.  The ominousness of the men creating the "weapon" is cheesy, too.  Dr. Hathaway reminds me of Danny Elfman.  He's such a one-dimensional asshole.  That's one thing that I think has improved since the millennium. Even assholes get to have layers these days, which I think makes them more interesting. 

I used to hate Val Kilmer until I saw this movie and now I love him; he reminds me so much of Michael from high school.  He (almost alone) carries this movie.  I have such a crush on Kilmer here.  Mitch is pretty hapless.

"Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?"

Hmm, this movie may just be a guilty pleasure for me and not a top ten.  The dialogue is really only great for Kilmer's character and I might simply be charmed by him.  I didn't see this movie in its entirety until Michael and I started dating in 2006, however, I used to watch the last fifteen minutes when the professor's house was filling with popcorn on an old VHS tape my mom had over and over.  She had taped over the first 9/10ths of the movie, but I loved watching that last part and I will forever associate "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" with the image of a house full of popcorn. Man, who wouldn't love swimming through a sea of popcorn?

Really? All Mitch had to do was turn a knob and he fixed the laser?  Riiiiiiiight. Jordan is fabulous.  She reminds me so much of Denna Clymer (you'll see what I mean immediately if you know her). 

Time for the first montage!  This movie has like three full-length songs and it's my second favorite thing about this movie (Kilmer is first, of course).  It seems to be their main plot-advancing device, and I'm okay with that.  They're not scared to rock an entire song while the plot is furthering.  There's nothing hotter than '80s music set to nerds doing science!  I would watch a YouTube channel that was nothing but that!  The first song is The Comsat Angels' "I'm Falling" and I loooooooove it!  I'm just going to shut up and enjoy the montagey goodness now...."not prepared for thisthisthisthiss".

Swimsuits were funny in the '80s.  Ok, I've been a little bored the last fifteen minutes.  I'm going to go ahead and cll the stats halfway through.  I'll readjust, if needed.

dialogue: 4
atmosphere: 7
music: 6
replayability: 6
character average: 6.2

TOTAL: 29.2

The Breakfast Club (1985)

I literally cannot remember a time "The Breakfast Club" didn't exist for me. I watched it on old VHS taped from HBO from a wee thing. John Hughes was more important to me than any Disney film, and this one is my favorite.

I forgot the Simple Minds song is in the opening credits as well as the closing. The architecture of the library is still cool 27 years later. Can you believe 1985 was 27 years ago?!?! OMG.

I may not be able to comment on this movie. It's just so much a part of me...I feel like I was born knowing all the words...I can't accurately assess it with words. I can only worship the nostalgia in silent awe.

Atmosphere: 8
Dialogue: 7
Music: 7
Replayability: 9
Character average: 6.43

TOTAL: 37.43

Carrie (1976)

I love all the brazen pubic hair in the opening locker room scene, though this is obviously a male fantasy. No locker room has EVER been like this. And Carrie is having a pretty erotic shower there, eh? The brutality of '70s films is shocking at first. The gym teacher is pushing everyone and the girls are soooo mean.

Julianne Moore will do a great job at playing Carrie's mom in the remake. I can't wait! Her voice has such a cadence that sticks with you forever. When I first saw this movie I had it checked out from the library and I kept rechecking it for the entire summer (no renewal limits back then?) and showing it, one-by-one, to all of my friends. I think it was 6th or 7th grade. It was my first favorite horror film.

Why do the Jesus' eyes in the statue glow? That's so freakin' creepy. It's so heartbreaking to think that there are some women that might even still grow up with moms like this this or for whatever reason, don't know about their periods before they get them.

Is it really that much of a punishment to force everyone to do a bunch of exercises? That's only going to make them hotter for the prom. I would relish someone forcing me to work out. I never had to do anything in gym class. I kind of wish I would have. Learning coordination and athleticism could only help me. God, I hate John Travolta. I hate him so much that "Carrie" might not make the cut. His character-rating is a 0 simply because he's John Travolta. Every shot in this movie is really good. You can pause it anywhere and the color pops and everything is framed really well.

Sue Snell's hair is still the best hair I've ever seen in a movie. I WANTED her hair then and I WANT this hair now. Why can't you go to prom without a date? That's ludicrous. Tommy is so cute with his curly hair. I think I have to fast forward through the pig slaughter scene. I can't deal with it anymore.

I love that Jesus is this silent, scary overseer of everything in the White household. The only light in the house is Jesus and Carrie's pretty face.

Ugh, can I give Travolta a negative number of points? Ew, trying on lipsticks?! So unsanitary. "I can see your dirty pillows." Mommie dearest has got nothin' on Margaret White! I think all proms should look like the prom in this movie. I was so disappointed that mine wasn't like this. No men wore ruffles and no women went braless at my prom--how boring is that?

Time for the spinning dance scene. I might throw up.

Not even the cutting board is safe!!

I still get chills when the ominous music starts as Tommy and Carrie are walking to the stage. My hair is standing up...I once recorded this part of the movie onto a mixtape so I could listen to it over and over. Now comes the payoff. You messed with the wrong chick! Split-screen. You're trapped, bitches! Telekinesis is so cool. I have goosebumps all over...the fire just started and Carrie is silhouetted in blood with her arms out. This is one of the only truly iconic movies that I discovered on my own. I really have no idea why I even picked it...probably the image of a woman covered in blood. I've always been into that.

Candles on the bed? That's not safe. Michael said, "Only a crazy person could light that many candles." Time for the Orgasmic Death of the Mother. Love the sound of Margaret's arm being pulled off the wall. Each time I showed this movie to a friend I would watch their face with baited breath waiting for that arm to come out of the ground...Michael was distracted this time, so it didn't have the intended effect. Can you believe he hasn't seen this?!?!

Final tally:
*atmosphere: 7
*dialogue: 3
*replayability: 4
*music: 6
*character average: 6.43

TOTAL: 26.43

my top 16 movies...

are as follows (in chronological order):

Carrie
The Breakfast Club
Real Genius
The Crow
Clueless
Empire Records
Mallrats
Velvet Goldmine
The Matrix
High Fidelity
Best in Show
Moulin Rouge
Napoleon Dynamite
The Big Lebowski
Juno
Bridesmaids

That's wayy too many movies. I need to narrow it down to a top 10. To do this, I'm going to watch all 16 and rate them on a scale of one to ten on the following five parameters:

1. atmosphere/setting/cinematography
2. characters: this will be achieved by rating each of the main characters on the one to ten scale and then averaging their scores.
3. dialogue
4. music
5. replayability

Each movie has the potential of achieving 50 points. If there's a tie for 10th place, the two movies in question will have to be rewatched/rescored to break the tie. I will blog about each one as I watch it (or take notes and post the blog later, either way). Hopefully, hilarity will ensue and I will be reminded of why these are my favorite movies. If anyone would like to join me, I'll be watching them in the order above. I'm watching "Carrie" tonight, but text/msg/email me if you want to come over for popcorn and join in the movie analysis for any of the films below "Carrie" on the list.

How To Behave When Art Is Being Made Before Your Eyes.

In July, for the first time since my fixation began in 1996, I saw Fiona Apple in concert.  My husband and I had relatively good seats that we paid approximately 25% of our paychecks to obtain.  Fiona was phenomenal, but the crowd was NOT.  As a whole, the audience broke all of the rules below, and I felt separated from the woman I’d desperately wanted to share a room with for sixteen years, the woman I had driven two and a half hours to see perform her art...grr, digress digress.

  

July 17, 2012 -- Midland Theatre, Kansas City, MO.
Her setlist was as follows: Fast As You Can, On the Bound, Shadowboxer, Paper Bag, Anything We Want, Get Gone, Sleep to Dream, Extraordinary Machine, Werewolf, Tymps, Daredevil, I Know, Every Single Night, Not About Love, Carrion, Criminal, and It's Only Make Believe.

Here are five rules of etiquette (I know, I’m no Lady Von Halbach) for all-encompassing enjoyment of a concert (“concert” here defined as any single musical act you have paid more than 10 or 15 bucks to see: i.e., NOT a festival and NOT a typical Friday night at the dive bar downtown):

1. As an overall mindset, try to remember that there are people in the crowd that really really really want to see the performer, you know, perform.  You will be doing those particular fans a service by being as reserved as possible during the evening’s events.  This is not a time for attention-seeking behaviors.  Your fellow concert-goers didn’t pay to hear or see YOU do anything.
2. A note on phone usage: Y’all know I am serious about my technology, but when you’re experiencing an in-person event, such as music being created before your very ears, I am very anti-phone.  Don’t take video.  Don’t take pictures.  Put the screens in your purse or pocket for two freaking hours and be in the moment, people!
3. No one wants to begrudge a concert-goer a beer or two, but please keep your drunkenness to a minimum.  If the booze-habit gets you in and out of the aisles for cup-fills and bladder-empties more than a couple of times, just stay by the bar and let someone else have your seat/standing space.
4. If there are seats, sit down (especially if you’re in the front).  I’m 5’5” (that’s not short) and the behemoths standing in front of me made it very difficult to see the tiny glorious woman onstage.  For a large portion of the concert, a man’s substantial left ear was covering Ms. Apple’s entire head.  Common sense makes obvious the fact that EVERYONE can see if EVERYONE is sitting down. Conversely, if the venue is set up such that you couldn’t possibly disturb anyone by standing, by all means, dance your cute little butt off!
5. Keep your clapping/screaming/yelling to an absolute minimum.  You paid for the ticket, the performer already KNOWS how much you love them. Admittedly, this is somewhat of a personal issue (I feel like a baby seal slapping her flippers together when clapping). There’s no reason to clap/yell during a performance unless, ill-advised as it most certainly is, the artist has encouraged some sort of rhythm-bastardizing-group-epileptic-fit (for the record, Fiona would never engage in such tomfoolery--she didn’t even leave the stage before her required encore, bless her no-nonsense heart).  Call me crazy, but I believe all displays of appreciation should be held until the very end of the performance, like at symphonies and operas.

NOW, you can applaud...You’re welcome.  I love you too.

Finally, I shall contradict myself completely and reap the rewards of the assholes that held their phones up during the performance.  Below is a playlist of videos from that night.  They're not well-done, but they're in order and they're for posterity, for me, so I'm placing them here...