What's This Bitch Talking About? ep 28 and Buffy: The Pack

In this episode Mixtress Rae discusses Rupaul's Drag Race season 9 episode two, Goldfrapp's Silver Eye, and suggestions for the perfect ASMR Star Trek Ambient Sounds.

Best YouTube Star Trek Ambient Sound Channel: ender4life

Best Ambient Sound app: My Noise

Best Intergalactic Space Travel Hypnosis: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFqEWrw6jyg

Sestra Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/mixtressrae/playlist/1i8Hy6BqVOUFeqk2iM2A6A

MixtressRae's 2011 blog recap of "The Pack": http://mixtressrae.blogspot.com/2011/03/pack.html

Listen to Mixtress Rae’s “Radio Sunnydale” playlist featuring the best songs from Buffy in order of appearance on the show.

*website: mixtressrae.com
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MixtressRae's Top Ten TV Shows of All Time.

You've waited with baited* breath (what does that even MEAN, baited breath? like your breath is the bait or you have bait in your mouth or...?) for almost two whole weeks.

*Turns out, < thank you Richie!! I owe you yet another drink. > that the term is "bated breath" and it means that your breath stinks of anticipation and suspense.

I scored each episode on five different criteria (characters, story, quotability, emotion/laughter, and feminism) on a scale of 1-10. I then scored the series as a whole on similar criteria (characters, story arc, "stickiness", coping, and feminism), also on a scale of 1-10. I averaged both the episode's score and the series' score, then averaged those two scores to get my total. For more on what my criteria mean, go to here.

Here they are, my top ten TV shows of all time: 

Coming in at #10 is Star Trek: The Next Generation

Favorite character: Data

Final Score: 5.8

#9: Gilmore Girls

Favorite Character: Lorelai Gilmore (ha, they're BOTH named Lorelai Gilmore!)

Final Score: 6.1

#8: Firefly

Favorite Character: Wash (above)

Final Score: 6.3

#7: F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Favorite Character: Phoebe Buffay

Final Score: 6.4

#6: Dollhouse

Favorite Character: Topher Brink

Final Score: 6.5

Are you ready for the Top 5?!?! No? I think you can handle it. The following television is the best that television has to offer. I know, because I did a very scientific experiment. ;)

#5: New Girl

Favorite Character: Jessica Day

Final Score: 6.5

#4: Rupaul's Drag Race

Favorite Character: Sharon Needles from season 4

Final Score: 7

#3: The Office (US version)

Favorite Character: Dwight Schrute

Final Score: 7

#2: Parks and Recreation

Favorite Character: Leslie Knope

Final Score: 7.3

yes, I will use this gif of Buffy for any reason whatsoever.

#1: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Favorite Character: Buffy Summers

Final Score: 9.4

The last Four: Final Thoughts.

The Mighty Boosh is like an ice cream sandwich. It is talented at being an ice cream sandwich and tastes delicious, but it’s not a more high-brow dessert like tiramisu. It’s not meant to be. You don't even want it to be, because you're having so much fun eating the ice cream sandwich that it is all that you feel. This is a show that’s meant to make you laugh (and possibly feel like you’re tripping a ‘lil bit?).

There are so many memorable bits in the show. Just in the episode I watched for this project entitled "Charlie", there are at least four joke segments I think of often in my everyday life. I could bore you with the description of said shenanigans, but instead I shall pick my favorite. At the beginning of the episode Vince and Howard are talking at work as they distribute seeds. They work in a zoo. The following exchange occurs:

Vince: Come on Howard, put some energy into it! Get involved!
Howard: I'm carrying a bucket of seed. How am I supposed to get involved in that?
Vince: This is the best job in the zoo! Millet distribution.
Howard: There's something wrong with you. You know that, don't you?
Vince: What do you mean?
Howard: You're always happy, aren't you? Everything's "fun" for you. You see a peanut, the day's off to a good start. You witness some soil, it's a jamboree for Vince Noir. I need something more.
Vince: I think it's this poncho. I mean, it's impossible to be unhappy in a poncho.

The "plotline", in as much as The Mighty Boosh ever employs a plot, follows with Howard attempting to become a writer, Vince annoying him, then getting his children's books about a wad of gum named Charlie published himself.

The episode ends with the following:

The Mighty Boosh is this exact flavor of cute insanity all the time. It, like the ice cream sandwich, makes no sense, but once you've experienced it you won't ever forget it. Most of the jokes are visual. If you enjoy the clip above, more can be found on YouTube if you hunt around a bit. There's no need to watch the episodes in any kind of order.

What I like most about Star Trek: The Next Generation (besides space, one of my top five onscreen settings of all time) is the philosophy. The show regularly questioned everything, turning the ideals we've long held in our society on their heads, picking issues apart and putting back only the most logical, moral, and righteous elements.

“The Measure of a Man” questions the personhood of Data, the show’s android. Is he the property of StarFleet or does he belong to himself? Data may profess to not have feelings, but he has attachments and he has opinions. He’s kind of like an autism surrogate. Data is my favorite character in any Star Trek franchise, because I feel I can relate to him more than any other character. I’m not fiery like B’Elanna (from Voyager, she’s half Klingon). I’m not authoritative like Spock. I’m not as unfailingly good as Picard. I'm not as kind as Deanna Troi (the empathic Betazoid). But I can see myself in Data; mostly sexless (though “fully functional”), logical, uncomprehending-of-sarcasm, cat-having Data.

Though this episode does not pass the Bechdel Test, like the rest of the series, there are women in authority and no sexism present anywhere, so I shall let it slide. Star Trek, the entire franchise (even, for its time, the original series), represents females in a positive and (sadly still) forward-thinking light.

This episode speaks to slavery and personhood in a very succinct manner. It delivers morality in that sophisticated way that Star Trek is known to do. The episode is of course focused on Data, but there’s an Emmy-worthy smackdown by Captain Jean-Luc Picard during Data’s trial at the end that is an absolute show-stopper. I looooooove watching that man lay the smack down!

This show was a pioneer in forward-thinking diversity. I noted several characters of non-white races in just this episode alone, not to mention the entire franchise’s use of “alien” presence to denote diversity acceptance. Most shows today don’t have such a diverse cast and this show aired in the ‘80s. Oh how we have backslid.

It was difficult for me to pick a favorite episode of this series, not because I had so many, but because I don't remember them individually. I've only been through the series once, over the course of a few years with Michael, usually before bed. I've slept through many of these episodes. I like the show a great deal, but putting it on feels like hanging out with the characters to me. I don't feel the pressure to pay attention to all the details. I just enjoy the process of wishing I were among them. 

That said, this episode truly had my attention, both the first time I saw it and last night when I watched it again. It's a great stand-alone episode. Watch it on Netflix if you've interest. If you like it, the series is for you and congratulations. You are now a trekkie.

I find the premise of Dollhouse to be very intriguing. A person signs a five year contract with a company that will back your brain-substance and personality up on a hard drive before wiping it, leaving that previously occupied brain-space to imprint personalities as paying clients see fit. In return, you will be wealthy for life after your five year contract. As a bonus perk, traumatic memories can be left out of your self-imprint before it's put back into your head. It’s essentially slavery and prostitution, but you won’t remember any of it and you’ll be rich and happy when you wake up. That’s a job I might consider signing up for…which I guess makes me a whore. Whatevs.

I think the parallels between prostitution and acting are at the surface of the metaphor. Each episode of this show takes you deeper into the rabbit-hole of this premise. It is so intriguing. This is definitely the most morally-ambiguous and philosophical of the Whedon shows, and I still haven’t sorted out if Joss is an asshole or a pioneer for making it. I’ve only watched the show through twice, and it only survived two seasons, but there was no question that "Echoes" is my favorite episode.

I particularly enjoy episodes of television that take the characters out of their typical personas. It is the foundation of Dollhouse to do this every episode, though watching Eliza Dushku become varying shades of Eliza Dushku isn't quite as enjoyable as the performances of almost every other actor on the show. I love Eliza as Faith on Buffy, but she doesn't have quite the range that this role demanded of her. "Echoes" uses her a bit less while using Topher and Adele a lot more, as accidentally-drugged playmates. They are so much fun together, like stoned teenagers. It is almost as enjoyable as watching Giles become a teenager again in Buffy's "Band Candy". 

Being a Joss Whedon enterprise, there isn't a problem with female representation. Every group of characters has equal numbers of men and women. At this point (2009) in Whedon's career, there's not a problem with racial diversity here either. The show is enjoyable, pretty, and makes you think. Enough said about that, for now.

The episode of Gilmore Girls I watched is "Those Are Strings, Pinocchio". It's the one where Rory graduates from a very prestigious high school as valedictorian and the entire town of Star's Hollow shares in her joy, like they've shared in all the joys of Rory Gilmore throughout her entire existence, 'cause she's got beer-flavored nipples.

Gilmore Girls is a fast-paced witty-dialogue show about the relationship between a young mother (she had Rory at 16) and her daughter. It reminds me of how close my mom and I are, except we are not from money and the entire town of Joplin doesn't adore me like Star's Hollow adores Rory. Like Rory, I read a lot, though I was no valedictorian.

My mother and I watched this show as it was on and then started it over, watching an episode a week almost every week since then. It's so much our thing that we call Thursdays "Gilmore Girl Night". There are great characters in this show, including the cutest Melissa McCarthy as a klutzy chef.

Every female character on this show is an excellent example of a woman that is intelligent and carved her own path ruthlessly and without assistance from men. Also, there's so much family drama in this show that one doesn't need to fulfill their own family dramatic moments. It's like if reality TV were a scripted feminist whirlwind. There's a lot of walking-while-talking scenes in this show. I love those.

I think you've waited long enough. My Top Ten TV Shows of All Time will appear on this very blog...sometime before midnight, 'cause they HAVE to be done by then.

The Results Are In...

But I'm not tellin' my top ten...yet. First, I must bore you with more assessments!

The last four TV shows on the chopping block are:

*The Mighty Boosh
*Gilmore Girls
*Dollhouse
*Star Trek: The Next Generation

I'd like to talk about something even more important. Let's take a little break from the shows themselves and dwell for a moment upon the beautiful, the swoon-worthy, and the dreamy. I will be truthful with you. I watch television mostly to laugh and to look at pretty people. I like my laughing to be produced from the self-deprecation of good-natured gorgeous people. I may need to go even further back...

The people in life that I find to be of the finest in eye candy don't have to possess any specific visual qualities, save perhaps for a rebellious spark in the eye and unkempt hair. The people I crush upon are self-driven individuals with distinct personalities which usually include a specific-to-them style of dress, however this is not a requirement, as you shall see with #3 below. I have fallen for men and women of varying races, sizes, and sexual orientations (sadly, not all orientations point towards me). One of my only turn-offs is close-mindedness, and you won't find that failing in the following,

MixtressRae's top five TV crushes of all time (in chronological order of appearance into the culture's consciousness): 

*Oz from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

     Personality: Oz is taciturn, loyal, respectful, witty, perceptive, and smart. When Willow throws herself at him for the wrong reasons, he respectfully declines her advances (before their first kiss and before their first sexual encounter) because he's a stand-up guy and he's perceptive enough to see the motives behind her actions. Oz rarely says anything, but when he does, his words have economy and meaning.
     Visual Appeal: What makes Oz a cutie in my eyes is that he paints his nails black most of the time and dyes his hair different colors frequently without calling attention to it.
     Best Life Companion For: high school boyfriend. Oz would be a most wonderful mate for someone in high school. He respects a girl's autonomy while also being willing to pull out the sweetness when necessary. He'd take you to prom AND give you your space when you want to curl up with a book and the quiet alone on a random Friday night. This is one member of the male gender that was taught that "no means no" and every teenage heterosexual girl could use a guy like this in her corner early on in her dating life.
     Bonus: Oz is a werewolf that later learns meditation techniques to control the wolf within. Hot!

*Vince Noir from The Mighty Boosh

     Personality: Vince is basically a sweet-natured simpleton that has the exact same music taste as me. His ringtone is a midi version of "Cars" by Gary Numan.
     Visual Appeal: He's a gothic-leaning pretty boy not afraid to wear makeup, glitter, or anything current society would think "girly". Vince is also not afraid to accentuate his cleavage and I'm similarly not afraid to tell you, I'm into that. Crossdressing is hawwwwt. He also has a smashy hook nose that I like. If Robert Smith was as visually gorgeous as his voice sounds, he'd look like Vince Noir.
     Best Life Companion For: bestie. Vince is the kind of eye candy you might choose not to sully by eating. He'd be a brilliant best friend, maybe the kind of bestie you sometimes accidentally make out with -- I would also gladly accept his nuggets of positivity as a "life coach" kind of BFF.
     Bonus: Vince gets along with every single weird creature (half of those weird creatures are played by Noel Fielding, thus ARE him, essentially) in the Boosh-universe and has a very optimistic outlook on life.

*Jim Halpert from The Office (US)

     Personality: Kind, mischievous, inventive, respectful, quick-witted, and (there's that word again) loyal. Jim is just as good of a friend to Pam as he later becomes a boyfriend, then a husband, then a co-parent. This character is legendary for a reason.
     Visual Appeal: That smile and those kind eyes. Halpert just has that genuine good dudeness aura about him. Generally, I don't fall for normal-types, but Jim is relatable and cuddle-worthy even to an oppressively weird girl such as myself.
     Best Life Companion For: ever. He's a great friend, great boyfriend, and a wonderful husband. Jim is a keeper (reminds me a bit of my Michael). Jim + Pam = 4eva!!!
     Bonus: His hair is real messy most of the time. I can get behind that, if you know what I mean...what?

*Moss from The IT Crowd

     Personality: Moss is a nerd that seems to have never tried not being a nerd, and that is just the coolest.
     Visual Appeal: He wears plaid shirts, has amazing glasses, sweet cords, and the best hair on any television character EVER. I can't even describe his hair. It's super fluffy and curly, but it also contains this strict side-part (not pictured) that makes the whole thing just too insanely amazing for words. He also wears his backpack all snug with his hands on the straps and it just, it kills me. On cuteness alone, were I to rate these boys, Moss would win, no question.
     Best Life Companion For: work mate. I want him to be my best work friend. I want to wait outside nerd-movies in costume on opening night with him. Basically, I want to be Roy.
     Bonus: Moss and I would probably have a lot of nerdy tech and pop culture things to talk about. I think we'd be great friends. Be real, Moss! Be real, so that I can have a completely asexual relationship with you.

*Topher Brink from Dollhouse

      Personality: Topher is the smartest neuro-nerd of any fictional neuro-nerd I know. He talks fast, he's confident, he's of questionable morality (but eventually redeems himself), he's a bit nuts, and he's unintentionally funny in that way only true nerds can achieve.
     Visual Appeal: Do you see that sweater vest? Also, even in high-necked shirts, you can see a bit of chest hair peaking out. Mmm-hmm. Messy hair? Check.
     Best Life Companion For: having really complicated arguments/debates while playing video games and eating snacks from his "drawer of inappropriate starches".
     Bonus: Nice pointy nose. 

Honorable Mention: Tara Maclay from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

     Willow gets the best companions ever. Tara is beautiful, sweet, smart, and kind of goth. She is the most compassionate/empathetic of any of the Buffy characters, I think.
   
Now, it's 1am and I'm too tired to tell you about those four TV shows I promised, so you'll just have to wait until tomorrow, babies.

Maybe I'll edit this tomorrow, but tonight I shall post now and ask questions later...live with it!

The Quest to find my Top Ten TV Shows...

Buffy is #1 of course, but what are the remaining nine slots of my favorite TV shows of all time? To determine the all-important answer to this question, I've made a chart.

On the chart I've listed my top 12 shows:

*Buffy the Vampire Slayer
*Daria
*Dollhouse
*Firefly
*Friends
*Gilmore Girls
*The IT Crowd
*The Mighty Boosh
*New Girl
*The Office (U.S. version)
*Parks and Recreation
*Star Trek: The Next Generation

The second column in the chart, next to show's name, is what I think might be my favorite episode of each show. This turned out to be a more difficult task than I thought it would be. Some shows I knew right away. The Office's "The Injury" I have watched probably a dozen times. I quote it often and enjoy every bit of it. Buffy's "Restless" immediately came to mind as my favorite Buffy episode. Most shows I had to painstakingly look through the episode lists to find the possible favorite ep of each. The aspect of each show that I like usually boils down to the characters and isolated situations that make me happy. For example, I love the fight between Monica and Rachel on "The One After the Super Bowl", but the whole episode isn't gold. The thing I love the most about "The IT Crowd" is Moss. So anyway, I picked an episode per show. An episode I know I like, though in some cases I couldn't choose a favorite.

I will rate each episode on the following five criteria, then average the score for an overall episode total:

*character development/representation within the episode
*storyline
*quotability
*times I felt genuine emotion or high-level intellectual thought in response to the episode
*feminism (like does the episode pass the Bechdel Test and represent chicks well?)

I will then rate the overall scope of the series on the following five criteria:

*character development/likability
*story development/overall engagement in the series
*how often do I think about the show in everyday life/quotability/has the show become a part of me?
*identifiability: how well did the show teach me to cope with something in my own life?
*feminism

THEN, I will average the two averaged scores together to get an overall score for each show. Then I shall have my ranking. At that point, I will probably watch a few more episodes of each of the top five to analyze them more thoroughly.

Here we go!

comfort culture.

You know how you eat macaroni and cheese when you’ve had a bad day at work, or maybe drink a beer? Of course you know, because comfort FOODS are often mentioned in America’s vocabulary. But what about comfort culture? What’s your personal pizza of television, the mashed potatoes of movies, and the fish sticks of sound? While you’re contemplating the dark chocolate paperback that calms your addled mind after a stressful day, I’ll share with you some of my pop culture comforts.

*TV series: Buffy the Vampire Slayer — It’s no secret that Buffy is my favorite nugget of pop culture ever. Joss Whedon’s vision of girl superpowers has entertained my eyes, ears and soul since 1998. The Slayer has lulled me to sleep through some of the darkest evenings of my life, quite possibly the only reason nightmares didn’t engulf me in my early ‘20s. If you’ve avoided this show because of the title’s cheesiness alone, stop denying yourself one of the most influential shows of the 20th century. Buffy could change your life.

Get it: Netflix, Hulu, video stores

Me today celebrating National Library Workers
Week. I'm part Vulcan, you know.

*TV franchise: Star Trek — For the past 4 years or so, Star Trek has been my before-bed ritual. Not every night, but at least a couple of nights per week. If the plot is peaceful, I might fall asleep to the gentle hum of the starship. The DVD menu screen of “The Next Generation” is like white noise bliss to me. Don’t misinterpret, falling asleep to Star Trek isn’t a diss. I LOVE the franchise, but I have this calm and familiar relationship with it. I know I will rewatch each series of Star Trek over and over until I die of really old age, so there’s no sense of loss if I dream through episodes here and there.

Get it: Netflix, video stores

*Album: Air // Talkie Walkie — This album used to be my study soundtrack in college. When I hear the first notes of “Venus” I am instantly transformed back to that space of settling in for a quiet night with books, coffee, and gritty knowledge. Yeah, thinking about studying chills me out. Obviously, I’m a nerd.

Get it: Spotify, iTunes, Google Music, music stores

*Movie: Bandits — Not many people realize the brilliance of the 2001 film starring Cate Blanchett, Bruce Willis, and Billy Bob Thornton. The performances are buzzing with anxiety, emotion, and genuine crazy, an aspect of pop culture that always soothes me…to see others fraying onscreen makes me feel less nuts. Plus, this movie is hilarious if you like understated David Letterman-type humor.

Get it: Netflix, video stores

*Book: Drawing Blood // Poppy Z Brite — In the summer, my brain turns to a soupy-slosh of jumbled thoughts and baking grey matter. It is my least favorite season. To get through the sizzling flames of August, I usually end up reading this lurid tale of two young lovers surviving a summer in New Orleans. The pages are filled with ghosts/psychological demons, children of the night, and early ‘90s-style computer hacking.

Get it: the Joplin Public Library (the very copy I first read in high school!), bookstores

Email me your comfort culture items: mixtressrae@yahoo.com

I am an Aspergirl.

I've been holding off on this post because I've wanted to make it super intelligent and though-out and like an Aspergirl manifesta, but I'm just sick of waiting to form intelligent thought, perhaps it will come out naturally Grimes-Tumblr-style. It could happen.

So, a couple of weeks ago I took the Autism Quotient and scored a 35. A score of 32 and above most likely means you're on the Spectrum. The spectrum of Autism. As I scored in the lower area of Autism, that probably means Asperger's. I haven't sought a formal diagnosis (which I'm planning to talk to my therapist about that at my next appointment) yet, but this label is fitting me so comfortably, so perfectly, that I think a lack of formal diagnosis would piss me off. Because I SO am an Aspergirl.
Let's just get the definitions out of the way first...
Mayo Clinic defines Asperger's Syndrome as: a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.

Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum.

While there's no cure for Asperger's syndrome, if your child has the condition treatment can help him or her learn how to interact more successfully in social situations.

Some of the symptoms (what I'd rather refer to as traits) that I exhibit include:

• lack of eye contact and awkward body postures/positions
• not understanding sarcasm: I never have. The first time my mom did it and explained the concept to me as a child I said, "I don't like that. Don't do that ever again."
• poor coordination
• mutism: being unable to speak in certain situations. For me, this is usually exhibited in one-on-one situations, especially if someone is asking me about myself.
• can engage in monotonous tasks for hours on end: my favorite job ever was being a library page (shelving/checking in books). I love engaging in activities that occupy a background-space of my mind/body so that I can think about other things. My Valium is monotonous physical movement. If I'm sorting/shelving books, I'm calm. If I'm walking, I'm calm. If I'm dancing, I'm calm. If I'm typing, I'm probably ok too. This also goes along with stims (self-stimulating behaviors, like rocking, feet-shaking, weird, repetitive movements). I also can calm myself by touching certain textures. I like brushed aluminum, computer keys, warm metal, paper, etc.
• repetitive routines/rituals: I fall apart without my routines. I almost can't sleep without watching Star Trek first. The soothing background noise on the Enterprise in The Next Generation calms me greatly.
• eccentric personality/style: Have you seen me? Yeah.
• strong sensory sensitivity: I find this to be the biggest part of being an Aspergirl. Every moment of every day I try to control my sensory input. I won't go to shows unless I know I like the music. I've taken to wearing earbuds when I go to movies, as they're often too loud for me. I'm constantly turning up and down the TV so that it's "perfect". I can't stand the sound of dishes clanking together. On days when I'm having a really hard time getting out of the house for work, I wear really comfortable layers and hide within the softness in order to create a buffer with the outside world. I frequently feel as if I don't want to be "seen". I like to have music going at all times, but I have to choose the music and the volume level myself. If I could always have headphones on in public, I'd function a LOT better in social situations. The only time I feel empowered/capable is while listening to music. Often I am overwhelmed by emotions portrayed in pop culture and I can't continue watching something that upsets me, especially if an image upsets me, I'll experience it over and over again in my mind for hours after seeing it. I can also be intensely distracted by an aspect of someone's appearance on a show or movie I'd otherwise enjoy and have to stop watching. For example, I can barely look at Courtney Cox on Friends because I know how much she'll fuck up her face later. Even though she was beautiful on Friends and I love her character as Monica, I can barely look at her with flashes of her new alien face flashing in my head.  
• attachment to animals and/or inanimate objects over people: I have NO problem bonding with animals and electronics, its people I have difficulty understanding.
• being in "their own world": I am CONSTANTLY fighting this at work. I have to remind myself to do my job constantly, because it's very easy to daydream in reference.
• can spend hours in a library researching: but the problem here is that I can only spend hours researching something I care about. If someone asks me to help them on their family history, forget about it. I don't fucking care and I have a hard time pretending I do.
• unusual preoccupations
• hard time saying "i love you" or showing affection: I have a very hard time with this. I assume that those I am close to know how much I care about them because I tolerate their presence. I am aware how this sounds, and I try to be more engaging, especially in my marriage, but it is a conscious effort.
• need to withdraw into solitude frequently: I would prefer to spend about 75% of my time alone (with animals and internet connectivity with other humans).
• attention narrowly focused on their own interests: I really only light up in a conversation when something interests me personally. I have a hard time remembering to ask what's going on with the person I'm speaking to. I tend to befriend people who entertain me, as well. If you bore me, I probably won't engage with you often.
• shuts down in social situations: if I feel like I'm not in control or can't predict something in a social situation, I probably won't even be there, let alone engage. I will probably leave a situation immediately if I can't find a calm, comfortable, clean place to sit. Although, if I was allowed to supply the music, I could probably handle any environment/social atmosphere.
• rigid social behavior due to inability to adapt to social spontaneity
• has a compulsive need to inform which can come off as blunt/rude: This is very true. I have unintentionally hurt people MANY times with my bluntness. Often the reason I am mute in social interactions is because I'm attempting to censor/translate/sift my initial reactions. If I spoke what first came into my mind, I'd sound like Cordelia or Anya on Buffy or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
• great difficulty with small-talk: I abhor bullshitting. I am incapable of it and I find you fake if you engage in it. I don't get it at all. One of the reasons I don't say "i love you" often is because I want to genuinely FEEL it at the moment I'm saying it. I feel the same about conversation. I don't want to say something unless it's genuine. My expectations, therefore, for what is "genuine" are extremely rigid.
• can appear younger than age in dress, actions, etc: I never understand what people mean when they say a 40-year-old woman can't wear certain things. I don't agree with that at all. I wear the same clothes I did in middle school (sometimes literally the same exact articles of clothing). If I like it and fit into it, I'll wear it until it falls apart.
• will not spend a lot of time grooming: My hair has to be no-maintenance. I only bathe every other day. I only wash my hair once or twice a week and only brush it once every two weeks or so. I don't spend much time looking in the mirror. As long as my zits don't need to be popped and my self/clothes are relatively clean, I'm good to go. 
• androgynous (hates gender roles): This is a big one. I hate gendered expectations/roles. One of the reasons I'm obsessed with drag is because I like when people play with gender.
• enjoys reading scifi/fantasy
• may find employment daunting: It is a struggle almost every day for me to go to work. I accomplish it and have held down a job for 9 years, but it's only part time and I don't think I'd ever be able to handle full time work. 
• highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues. Will not do well with verbal instruction--needs to write down or draw diagram: there are several times at work where I will have to ask again and again the same questions about how to do something. I WILL NOT remember until I write it down.
• due to sensory issues, can be overwhelmed by sex: it takes a LOT of emotional energy for me to have sex. It feels like a total body overtaking and it is a huge gesture of love for me to engage in sex. I feel like I will "never be enough" in this category. This is the #1 issue in my romantic relationships. All sensory stimuli have to be in perfect alignment for me to be "in the mood". It's very difficult for anyone attempting to have a romantic relationship with me. I feel a lot of guilt about this issue as well. 
• words and actions often misunderstood by others: like all misfits, I feel misunderstood almost all the time

I already feel very exhausted by exposing all of this. I made a sort of Asperger's announcement on Facebook, but have gotten hardly any response. I guess people don't know what to say? Some close friends/family have said that I don't need a label and they don't think of me as different, but I don't really believe that. I think they're trying to be nice. I feel VERY at odds with people ALL the time. Surely I stand out, socially. I don't understand why they can't tell me the truth. But right now I feel like I DO need a label. I like having an explanation for why I am such a pariah. I really like connecting with people, but I don't want to do it in the way most people do. And I usually can't relate in the way others do. Sensory issues are always with me. Currently, I'm torn between how much of this Aspergian stuff I can work around, how much to use as excuses for things I've always thought I should "get over", like what's the line between acceptance and excuses? On the one hand, it's really great to feel more self-acceptance for all these things I've always thought were "problems" I had, but how do I know when to accept and when that acceptance becomes an excuse, if that makes sense.

Anyway, that's my freestyle rant on being an Aspergirl. I'm happy for the distinction, and I feel I am understanding myself, forgiving myself more than I've ever been able to do. This is a crux of change. This is a moment of precipice and what do I do now? I'm flailing madly between certain/uncertainty.