Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Goodbye Iowa.

Episode 70.
airdate: 15 Feb 2000.

Episode opens with Buffy telling everyone what's going on with the Initiative. Riley barges into Giles' house. Riley recognizes Spike as "Hostile 17". Riley thinks "there must be some explanation". It takes some convincing, and Riley eventually goes off on his own because his whole world has been compromised, poor thing. He's such a bad match for Buffy because he hasn't been through anything bad in his whole corn-fed life. This episode is pretty much the waking up/reality of Riley. Poor dear wandering listlessly through the cemetery. Or was that a dark campus? Regardless, he's brooding. The gang is all hiding out at Xander's, which is super cute, 'cause they're all watching cartoons together in their jammies and Giles is sleeping in a bean bag chair. Buffy makes a rousing speech in her "yummy sushi" pajamas, which is also super cute.

Ok, I guess Riley hasn't quit the Initiative. He's still uncertain, especially when he finds out Walsh is dead. He is still pretty loyal, however, when his BFF suggests Buffy killed Walsh. Self-righteous Buffy speech, probably her first to Riley. Willow is already getting into spells that Tara doesn't think they're ready for. Joss knew what he was doing two years ahead of time. I can't imagine that kind of narrative foresight. Perhaps one day I'll get there. I need to get back into writing my novel. That sounds so pretentious, "my novel". Riley is getting mean. Cracked out. His moral compass is all out of whack and he's very distressed. All shaky and shit, questioning everything. Feverish. Poor little soldier.

Willow and Tara are doing sexy demon-finding spells. Tara foils the spell, unbeknownst to Willow. Xander and Buffy go into the Initiative undercover, which is funny because Buffy obviously looks like Buffy. Riley wakes up after fitful fever-crack sleep and pushing Willow down to get past her. Buffy is simultaneously overhearing the Initiative bigwigs talking about how the boys were getting meds in their food, including Riley, so he's essentially going through withdrawals. Buffy confronts bigwig scientist guy as Riley shows up. He accuses Buffy of doing something to Walsh and then Adam shows up with a little existential monologue. He's part robot, man, and machine. Cool. Riley has been programmed by Walsh, apparently. Though at this point we don't know what that means, whether it's metaphor or something more tangible. Adam beats everyone up and leaves. Initiative dudes come in and take Riley away to a "military hospital" and Buffy isn't allowed to follow. Spike is getting beat up at the demon bar because the demons know he's been fighting them lately. Poor Spikey doesn't live in either world.

And I suppose Spike's journey is a parallel to Riley's? I never thought about that. This whole season is everyone being out of place, transitioning, reestablishing their belief systems and where they fit in adult life. Adam is even questioning where he fits as he's man, machine, and demon. Who will accept him? Who is he? The Existential Big Bad. Clever.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The I In Team.

episode 69.
airdate: 8 Feb 2000

Anya's the cutest. "I choose to feel threatened." Love the tactless babes Xander dates. I would like to be one if I lived in the Buffyverse, which of course is what I think we can all agree heaven will be like. I choose to believe in heaven only within the context of heaven as Sunnydale, California. Is that so wrong?

Oh, geez, Buffy is going into the Initiative underground...ooooooooh. Who's ready for season 5? I don't hate 4 as much as some people do, but the awkwardness of life transitions and Buffy trying to go to college and all that kerfuffle is just tiresome, as Giles would say. Willow is hiding Tara all for herself. Adam is revealed for the first time: "almost ready to wake up". It's breaking my heart to see Willow feel left-out. and Giles. and Xander. I GET IT! The Initiative and college are metaphors for adult relationships taking you away from your friends, maybe?

I love how unruly Buffy is with the Initiative dudes. This is Willow's best fashion time. All colorful and sweatery. Cute. Ness. Oh no, they've installed a tracking device on Hostile 17 aka Spike. Why didn't they do that when they first captured him? Time for Riley and Buffy to do it to the smooth sounds of Delerium after a good rousing fight. Ew, she put his big meaty finger in her mouth. Gross. And Professor Walsh is watching them...Double Gross!

Spike goes to Giles for help after being shot with the tracker device. I do enjoy watching Spike being integrated into the group slowly, fitfully, and reluctantly. Giles agrees to remove the device after monetary compensation.

Riley is called away from the coital bed for a secret mission. Professor Walsh mentions a "contingency scenario" to a cohort whilst in conversation about Buffy, then she is beeped and sent off on a solo mission for Walsh to find a "Class 3 subterrestrial". She quickly realizes its a trap. Her weapon given her by Walsh triggers a cell door and she's attacked by three beasties Buffy earlier saw in the Initiative Underground. Buffy has also been outfitted with visual and audio that feeds back to Walsh along with her vital information. As Buffy's heartrate flatlines, Walsh is watching, of course. She looks a little remorseful and guilty, but this is the definitive moment that you KNOW FOR A FACT that Walsh is a Big Bad. Cut to Giles removing the tracer at last, then back to Buffy who is not dead. Duh. Walsh tells Riley Buffy is dead. As she's telling him, she shows up on the screen behind her head "if you think that's enough to kill me, you really don't know what a Slayer is..." Du nu du nu du nuh! Riley storms off, effectively quitting the Initiative. Buffy tells the gang "it's not safe for any of us". Such a drama queen.

Episode ends with Adam waking up and killing Walsh: "Mommy?"

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer: A New Man.

episode 68.
airdate: 25 January 2000.

Ew, Riley and Buffy are making out. It's Buffy's birthday episode and Giles wakes up a demon after hanging out with the no-good Ethan Rayne. Duh, Giles, what were you thinking?

The theme here is that Giles feels out of place in this new world and doesn't have a job currently. Everyone keeps bringing him cake. Ooooh, Buffy says Professor Walsh is the "smartest person" she's ever met. Spike is a "new man" too as he's moving out of Xander's basement into his own crypt.

I knew the moment Professor Walsh was mean to Giles that she was no good. I can completely understand why Giles was driven to drinking with Rayne after the day he had. They used to be friends.

Riley is, surprise surprise, having a hard time accepting that Buffy is stronger than him and has fought a lot more nasties than he has.

I love Tara's room: black walls, red carpet, white Christmas lights, and lots of texture. You just KNOW she burns incense all the time. Willow and Tara doin' sexy spells version 2.0...

Giles doesn't even wake up as the demon until 21 minutes into the episode. Poor thing crushes the phone when he picks it up and rips his jacket and the door off the hinges. Riley tries to "pull rank" on Buffy and say she can't come along when the military get involved in helping find Giles. Of course she doesn't take that crap. He's going to learn real quick how things are with bossy Buffy.

When they find Giles as Fyarl demon, of course Buffy thinks the demon was the one that hurt/kidnapped Giles, so she fights him. But eventually she sees in his eyes that it's Giles. So sweet. Then the episode ends with a rebonding conversation between Buffy and Giles while Riley is having a simultaneous conversation with Walsh about basically the same thing (both Giles and Walsh are warning their progenies about the other.

Then, BUM BUM BUMMMM! Room 314. Walsh goes in. What's in there?!?!

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Doomed.

Episode 67.

airdate: 18 January 2000.

Buffy and Riley explain their situations to one another. Riley has a hard time believing that a tiny girl is a slayer of things, because he's kind of a misogynist. He tries to be all covert and tell Buffy he can't tell her what he is, but then she totally calls him on everything ("You're part of some demon monster squad..."). Riley hasn't even heard of a Slayer. Probably not a mistake that the episode that Riley and Buffy come out to each other and sort of officially start their relationship is called "Doomed" eh, Joss? Oooh, I am sooo observant. 

I love when Xander says to Spike, "You earn your keep or you don't get kept!" I want to say that to someone sometime, like for example, Pele (she's my cat). She'd just glare at me, but it'd still be fun.

One of my only regrets in life is that I didn't have the dorm/college experience. Perhaps I would have overcome some of my more problematic social dysfunctions had I been forced to live and go to school in close proximity to other human beings my own age. Boo hoo though, it didn't happen.

Apocalypse, as per usual.

Buffy is trying so hard to walk away from a complicated relationship because she hasn't yet realized that every relationship will be complicated, especially if you're a freakin' vampire slayer! Come on, Buffy! Your insistence on achieving normalcy is just unrealistic. Poor Spikey tried to kill himself. 

Riley actually has a point about Buffy having the wrong "doom and gloom" attitude, but I suppose it makes sense given what she's gone through. Ooh, he just called her self-involved! Snap! He's very perceptive. Giles just got beat up. The demons are going to open the Hellmouth so they have to go back to high school. Oh yeah, I suppose the theme here is living in the past stuff. Buffy can't get past old relationship stuff to move onto Riley, Willow was called a geek by Percy, Spike can't get past being a neutered vampire, and Xander, well Spike pointed out that he's living in his mother's basement, but he didn't seem to be overly worried about that before Spike suggested it. So Riley is the voice of reason here, apparently. Don't have a "doom and gloom" attitude and move on from your past.

Spike realizes in this episode that he can beat up demons, so he regains the will to live with violence back in his life. Yeay, Spikey.

Riley and Buffy save the day. He's out to the whole gang now. In case you were wondering what happens with Riley and Buffy, they kiss and they're going to start a relationship and shit. Spike makes a cute speech to Xander and Willow about fighting demons and killing things and "evil afoot" and stuff. It's the new era of Spike. Super exciting stuff.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Hush.

An episode walk-thru (with spoilers and snarky commentary) of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Episode 66, Season 4: "Hush"
airdate: 14 December 1999.

It's been so long since I've done one of these. Of course, this is a legendary episode, so that means I've been avoiding it. Always thinking I really have nothing to say...which is ironic because this is the episode wherein no one CAN say anything. I'm sitting very close to the TV in my bedroom and you can really tell this show was shot before the times of high-def over-intensity. Plus, this show was filmed so dark. Typical Whedon stuff; at the beginning of the episode everyone is at a loss for words, not communicating well, etc.

I think this is the introduction to Tara. She's so cute. Blond zig-zaggy part and sweet smile.

Yeah, Giles is getting some! I like that Joss started showing Giles' full life after everyone got out of high school and didn't shy away from the more adult aspects of it. The appearance of his "orgasm friend" always made me happy to know that Giles maybe had a "Like Crazy" love from overseas that he sacrificed in order to help Buffy in America and fight the good fight and all that.

The moment where Willow and Buffy realize they can't speak when the music comes in still gives me chills. And it's remarkable how believable it is that they're really trying to speak and can't. I wonder if they filmed it with them actually speaking and then removed the sound in editing. And you can tell everything they're trying to say too. So cool. And then Xander calls Buffy before, duh, he remembers he can't talk, which is the whole reason he was calling her. That would totally happen. Before the era of the text. Hard to believe that this episode aired over 13 years ago. Ok, I just cried. WTF. I cried when Giles put his arm around Willow after she wrote "Hi Giles" on her little message board. What is that about?

Riley and Buffy's first kiss. Whatever. The Gentlemen really are super silent movie glide-y creepy. Love it! Is that Eric from "That '70s Show"? No. Buffy's just walking around campus with a freakin' crossbow. Buffy and Riley are fighting alongside one another. So many questions. Again, whatever. Much more interested in Tara and Willow. Or Xander and Anya. Or Giles and Olivia. Poor Spikey is the only one all alone in this episode. "Hush" doesn't seem quite as innovative today, but back in 1999 television was still on the cusp of becoming great, but was actually still pretty formulaic. I'm sure this, along with several other groundbreaking Buffy episodes, was pretty influential for a lot of the great TV shows of the present...

Commentary (by Joss Whedon) notes added 5.15.13: Joss wrote this episode because he felt like he was getting stale as a director. He's telling the tale that with this episode, and with "Restless" and witch "Once More, With Feeling"...each time he felt like he couldn't do it and no one would get it and everyone would be bored and it was impossible, etc. And this and those other two episodes mentioned are among my top five...indeed they are THE first three I'll (and most other fans) will mention when asked my favorite Buffy episodes, not that anyone ever asks (I wish!). That is encouraging to me to know that he felt it was impossible, but he did it and it was awesome.

The theme here is that once you stop talking, you start communicating. Sometimes language gets in the way when you're trying to convey things to other humans. Xander can't tell Anya how he feels about her as she wishes. Buffy can't kiss Riley because they're nervously talking too much. Giles just wishes everyone will shut up. The Wicca group misusing the word "empowering".  The image of the Gentlemen floating towards the boy in the bed came from a dream of Joss'.

Sometimes when you shut up, you learn more about yourself and others than you expected to.

Movie Analysis Final Thoughts.

Here's the top five with their final scores:

1. High Fidelity: 46

2. Empire Records: 40.875

3. The Matrix: 40.33

4. Best In Show: 39

5. The Breakfast Club: 37.43

I would NOT have thought I liked "The Matrix" as much as I, evidently, do. Now that I'm thinking on new movies I have loved, I'd like to rate "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" and "Like Crazy" as well, but I'll save that for another time and update this list as needed. I'm also surprised "Clueless" didn't make the top five. I might need to make sure that one got top points for replayability. I may have scored it incorrectly. Of course, all of these are subject to how I was feeling as I watched them. And my memories of watching them in the past. I need some more time with drag movies as well, as I'm sure one of them needs to be on this list as well. I should have rated "The Birdcage", but there are some serious flaws in that film, although I love it tremendously anyway. It would have rated low, but I still will watch it anytime, anywhere.

Ok, well that's that. I started this project many months ago. Check out the remaining 8 movies below and how they rate. I also watched "Carrie" and "The Crow", but disqualified them both. I don't even think I have a blog entry on "The Crow". I'm too lazy and tipsy to check right now, so I'm done.

6. Napoleon Dynamite: 36

7. Clueless: 35.67

8. Moulin Rouge: 35.6

9. The Big Lebowski: 34

10. Bridesmaids: 33

11. Young Adult: 33

12. Mallrats: 31.14

13. Real Genius: 29.2

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Young Adult (2011).

replayability: 6
dialogue: 6
music: 6
ambience: 7
characters: 8
TOTAL: 33

I only have 10% battery so I'm going to blog until the computer dies. LIVIN' ON THE EDGE! I need a drink. Why am I not drinking yet during a blog/movie marathon? That's crazy. Hold on...

I knew when I first saw the DVD menu sequence that this movie was for me. The colorful cassette, the dirty stereo buttons, the grungy fingernails. I'm all over it. Charlize Theron is an amazing actress. I respect her a lot. This movie really makes me feel better about not being a typically pretty girl, getting to see Charlize tear off latex pasties, put hairpieces and fake lashes and tons of foundation on her face is encouraging to someone that doesn't do much beauty maintenance at all and looks ok. If I spent as much time getting ready as this chick, I might be fuckin' smokin', too! It could happen...

Like Jenna Marbles, the YouTube star? Out of makeup, she looks sort of nerdy and sweet, but then you get her in the wing-tipped liquid liner, the lashes and the foundation, and she's breathtaking. Beauty is an effort, as we've seen with drag queens. I recently saw a picture of a friend of mine in pasties. I was not only inspired by her ballsiness posting that on the internet, but it was also encouraging to see that her breasts were less-than-perfect and not as large as normally advertised. You can have cleavage no matter how small your breasts are. How cool is that? I used to be against artifice in physical appearance and I'm still not really ok with plastic surgery, but really, if whatever you're doing makes you feel sexy (fake hair, water bra, three pairs of false eyelashes), then do it! I'm flirting with the idea of extreme cleavage, myself. And I'm warming up to false eyelashes and heels. So off topic and I'm at 4% now, too.

It's sort of redundant posting about these movies because I'm only analyzing the ones that are on my top 20 list. Every sentence begins with "I love how..."

Ok, switched to the iPad so you don't have to worry about my battery percentage anymore, 'cause I know you were just biting your nails about it. Several people commented in reviews on this movie that Patton Oswalt basically plays himself, bla bla bla. And perhaps he is, but Patton Oswalt is awesome. It's ok to be a character actor. You don't have to be super versatile. Being super versatile is also a great trait in an actor, but being Patton Oswalt works for him. Babies ARE boring. Thanks for saying that, Charlize. I'm sure babies aren't boring to breeders, and I know and love a lot of breeders AND babies. I love my niece and my nephew and my Bella, but that's probably all the baby-love I've got in me.

Another woman in a life-crisis story. I love self-destruction, she says as she sucks down another swig of cranberry-vodka. I don't ever really remember caring in high school whether or not I was popular, but I still get sick satisfaction out of seeing stories wherein the popular girls and boys are total fuckups as adults. Only in fiction, though. I would honestly feel empathy for almost any of the popular kids from my own high school I saw heading down a dark, sad road. I'd still have a small smirk hidden in my empathy, but just a small one, really.

That's hearbreaking to realize that the song you thought was "your song" with someone is their song with someone else too, or that they associate it with that other person exclusively and not with you. But this is how music is...what I considered a love song at 18 I consider a love song now, for the most part. "Apart" breaks your heart just as much during the third big breakup of your life as it did the first.

I can't even imagine what it must have been like for the popular kids back in school. Was it like being famous? Is real life difficult after being the famous of popularity? I mean, how do you turn out without all that pain and angst in your formative years? I dated a former athletic popular kid once and he was kind of like Charlize in this movie. An addict, uncertain, weird, still thinking of himself as this invincible creature. I wonder if many former-popular people suffer from a distorted sense of reality.

There's NO WAY her freakin' car works after all this time! And there's also no way her room is still the same. I mean, does this really happen, ever? That people's childhood bedrooms are kept as a time capsule? For some reason, this movie makes me want to be stylish and pretend to be ok even when I'm not. Perhaps I'll have a breakdown like Kristen or Charlize. This is my mental health year, goddamnit, and I deserve to ruin a civilized garden party too!

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Bridesmaids (2011).

replayability: 7
characters: 8
music: 6
dialogue: 6
ambience: 6
TOTAL: 33

Last movie on my list of favorites...well, unless I count "Young Adult". Why not, right? Ok, not the last movie, but I want to finish this project tonight, so apparently I'm watching two movies. Gather up your cranberry-vodka cocktails, ladies, and let's DO THIS.

I happen to, for some reason, own this movie on BluRay and my mom has a BluRay player, so I'm watching this in highdef even though it's not Planet Earth, so why, but that's another rant entirely that can actually be summed up by saying that I don't really see the point in BluRay unless it's nature. Normally I don't want to see pores, but individual blades of grass? Yes, please.

Maybe pores are ok now that I'm watching this, because it makes the actors look like real people. It's not as scary as seeing the local newscasters' pores. I mean, just skip Gary Bandy in highdef, God love him. This looks amazing, actually. Oh no, I can feel myself getting spoiled by this crispness just like I did with the "Retina" display on my iPhone. Damn pixel density!

It's so nice to see a real reaction from a BFF when the other gets engaged, instead of just squealing and jumping and immediate planning and scheming and more squealing. I love that she's driving a super-old Toyota too. It reminds me of my first car, a 1984 Honda Civic named Shirley. Melissa McCarthy is so spectacular. She really is. I can't imagine this world of fancy engagement parties and country clubs. I would feel just as out of place as Kristen Wiig. The joke with the dueling speeches at the engagement party runs a little long, though. This may not make the list, because I just don't know it well enough. I was blown away by this movie when I first saw it because it's a film about female friendships and weirdness and awkward humor. I was worried it would be a "Hangover" for girls, but it's so much better than that. The love interest is charming and their interactions are believable. The crux of the movie is the believable interactions between all the characters, besides that they're all super funny in a way that people usually aren't. I love that almost an entire Fiona Apple song is played while Wiig makes herself one perfect cupcake. OMG, I want a cupcake...even a sad cupcake.

Such a great touch that everyone really looks terrifyingly awful as they're sick at the dress place. It's so gross. And hilarious, though I usually don't do poop humor. They don't go to the reallyreally gross visual place, like a "hangover"-type movie would. It's more about their faces and how they feel as they're getting sick, which I find classy. A classy poop joke. I'm into that.

I still find it so weird that weddings are such a big deal. I tried not to make a big deal out of mine, but I still think I made too big a deal out of it. If I could do it over, I'd have less people there and think about it way less and make sure there was video footage of the reception, because Lord knows I don't remember a THING.

How perfect is Melissa McCarthy's speech to Kristen on the couch? So perfect. Inspirational, really. I would recommend this movie to anyone going through a hard time. Pick-me-up kinda movie.

I don't understand why Maya has to leave her apartment. They kind of dropped the ball on the fiance front. He's not there really, ever, and they don't already live together...what's that about? Don't freakin' marry someone you don't already live with, ok? That's crazy talk. I'm docking a point for that. I don't really dread any point in this movie except for the part when Kristen is mean to Love Interest Guy the morning-after. I usually have trigger-moments during movies that I have to skip or leave the room during, but "Bridesmaids" has a really great collection of wonderful moments. Very great movie overall.

There ain't nothin' wrong with a movie that ends with Wilson Philips' "Hold On". Nothin'.

Juno (2007).

replayability: 8.5

music: 6
dialogue: 9
atmosphere: 8.5
characters: 8.5
TOTAL: 40.5

Let me just start by saying that I don't normally enjoy the music of Kimya Dawson or The Moldy Peaches. If it weren't for the opening shots of Ellen Page and "the most magnificent living room set" she's ever seen, I would have been immediately turned off when that music started...but because of this movie, I no longer hate it with the fire of a thousand suns. I can tolerate it and even have a few of the Kimya songs from the soundtrack in my music collection.

I know a lot of people complain about the dialogue-heaviness in this movie, particularly the opening scenes with Rainn Wilson, but this is exactly the reason I love Diablo Cody. Dialogue-Heavy are practically the magic words when it comes to me and the movies I love. But not like Quentin Tarantino-dialogueheavy, but, well like this movie. I know kids don't talk like this, but it's definitely for me. "Young Adult" may need to be on my list too. It's so new that I didn't count it, but perhaps I should. I'm thisclose to being done with this project and I'm adding new movies.

I almost never watched this movie, because I knew it was about a teenage girl that decided to keep her unwanted child. I'm pro-"nipitinthebud"-girl all the way, baby. This movie is just too cute, though. And hey, it's called pro-CHOICE for a reason. Juno chose to have the kid and I can respect that because at least she knew she was "ill-equipped".

This movie was my introduction to The Kinks, I'm ashamed to say...and I still really only like "Well Respected Man". And Buddy Holly's "Dearest" is an excellent song, as well. I think I'm obsessed with all these teen movies because I need to constantly remind myself to be as alive as I felt as a teenager. I think most adults could use this advice. What's wrong with a little mismatched clothes, some inappropriate commentary in polite conversation, and just generally living in the emotionally underdeveloped moment? I'm into that, for sure. It's easy to forget to question how you feel and what you want at any given moment. I know I'm always writing this sentiment, but again, it's easy to lose track of LIFE. Full and vibrant life!

You know what's "gender neutral"? Everything. Including people, essentially--if we'd get out of our own ways and let everyone be however they are, but it would be so impossible to raise a child without gender "norms" invading them from all angles of society. I just immediately like someone when they question these norms. Not that this movie does that, so I'm off topic...

I hate the parts where you're nervous husband-dude is going to molest Juno. It's such a weird plot development. I guess there had to be a catalyst for him leaving his unfulfilling life, but it makes me so uncomfortable even still. Sonic Youth does suck. There, I said it. Except for "Bee Bee's Song" and that Carpenters cover from this soundtrack.

I love the father/daughter talk in this and every other movie wherein there's a touching, yet humorous father/daughter lecture, like in "Pretty In Pink" and shit. Sage dad advice. Good stuff.

I love how Cody freaks you out in the last 20 minutes of the movie, making you think she's going to keep the baby after all, but then she doesn't, 'cause she's smart. I also love how Juno's BFF appears to be a popular cheerleader, but it's never brought up as an issue that she's so close with weirdo Juno.
Michael Cera used to be so cute and sweet. Wonder if he still is.

"I know people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but I guess normalcy just isn't our style." Cute.

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Milktoast Music Review.

Adventures in Psychohistory: Part 1 Episode 1: The Galactic Fast One // Richard Pickman, Durkadub, Hail Zeon!, For the Galaxy aka Milktoast Music

If you like your industrial music full of cult movie clips a la Thrill Kill Kult and early Skinny Puppy, look no further than this 2013 release. It's frightening, embodies a minimalist/chaos melody dichotomy, and even includes clips from "Barbarella"!! This release feels very '90s, but in a good way. It's like my zine for your mind: you might emerge feeling confused and disoriented, but take an ibuprofen and jump right back in the entropy, baby!

Standout Track: Revelation on Terminus

I've received an advance copy (thanks so much, Milktoast kids!), so while you wait for the January 28th release date to roll around, check out their other music here: http://milktoastmusic.com