Buffy the Vampire Slayer: New Moon Rising.

Episode 75.
airdate: 2 May 2000.

Tara and Willow holding hands. Oz shows up out of the blue. He's only really been gone six months. Riley is close-minded about Willow dating a werewolf. "I never knew you were such a bigot!" Oz can now control when he's a wolf through meditation or something, 'cause it's a full moon and he's still Oz. He wants Willow back. It would be really hard to choose between Oz and Tara. I heart Oz so much, but Tara is such a sweety-pie. I like Willow and Tara together better. I'd like to keep Oz for myself and while we're living in an alternate universe I'd like Tara to not get shot in season six by Warren and her and Willow to be together forever.

Willow tells Buffy about Tara and Buffy reacts well. Willow doesn't know what she wants to do. She goes to see Tara after talking with Oz all night and tells her she doesn't know what to do and then Oz runs into Tara later and "smells" Willow on her. He turns into the wolf when he realizes Tara is a "threat" to him. The Initiative dudes tranquilize him and take him away to a cage in the Initiative. Riley almost kills wolf-Oz when he turns back into Oz. Adam's been talking to Spike. Promises him he'll get his chip out if he helps him with something or other. Help him kill Buffy probably...I wasn't paying attention to the specifics.

Poor Oz is naked and alone. Riley tries to get him out, but they stop him and lock him up too. Why the hell is he still hanging out with those dingbats? Some high-ranking officer says mean stuff about Buffy and basically gives him the choice to help them take her down and then his "good name" will be restored. He calls them "the Slayer and her band of freaks" and "anarchists". The freaks go to infiltrate the Initiative while Giles and Anya do some computer hacking from Giles' house. They realize when they get there they have to save Riley AND Oz. Riley says "If I leave now I can't ever come back." Buffy stares at him. "I just wanted to hear it out loud." So, finally, he's done with the dingbats! Woo hoo! This somehow means Riley and Buffy have to stay in the burned out high school. Buffy finally tells Riley about her past with Angel.

Willow and Oz need to talk now. He missed his chance. She tells him some part of her will always be waiting for him. Closure. She goes to Tara and there's suggested makeout, but you don't get to see it because it's the year 2000 and girls can't kiss onscreen yet. They won't get to until Joyce dies in season 5.

I am an Aspergirl, Part 2.

aka Seeking Diagnosis, part one.

Went to therapy today for the first time this year with the primary goal of validation for my recent self-diagnosis of Asperger's.

Therapist said, "That could fit, but I would assume more Schizoid or Schizotypal." I don't yet know the specifics of either of those, but I do know they're acquired in adulthood and I have always been the way I am now. I think. I feel like the same person I was in high school except that I am more critical of myself now, and less social. I used to talk on the phone. I used to hang out with people. But I could relate to my peers back when we were all weirdos. Now people my age are mostly normal/neurotypical and I'm still the same. "Eccentric". And I'm learning to tolerate the non-eccentricities of others. I used to think every "normal" person was stifling their personalities in order to fit into society, but I'm starting to realize that maybe they're not. Maybe just because you used to have purple hair and now you wear khakis doesn't mean you've "sold out". You "grew up". I didn't and I probably never will. I will still wear the trenchcoat and dye my hair purple. I don't know. I still don't understand how being married with children and a socially acceptable career can be a fulfilling life to anyone. I don't expect people to be like me, but I've always expected people to be unique. I am innately distrustful of "normalcy". I've always thought it was a front, even while knowing I'm NOT normal. I've always HATED it when people tell me I'm different or eccentric because they generally spit the distinction at me as if its a choice. As if I'm trying to get attention. It's not as if I don't know I'm different and eccentric. It's like telling someone that's 6'5" they're tall. Really, Captain Obvious?! So what I'm saying I hate is when people spit it at me, not when they say it with understanding...

There are so many things you can be. Among the things I am: feminist, atheist, Libra, INTJ, bisexual, Color Code: White with secondary Red, goth, hippie, possibly Aspergian....and on and on and on. There's always a continuum and a place we all fit within it. And it means whatever you want it to mean. But I want the clinical diagnosis. I really do. I don't care WHAT that clinical diagnosis is...but I want a signifier, desperately. Why?

I took their "pervasive developmental disorder scale" thing. We'll see in three weeks when I can afford to go again what the next step is...I really do think it's Asperger's.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Where the Wild Things Are.

episode 74.
airdate: 25 Apr 2000.

I know. I do NOT want to see a closeup of Riley and Buffy kissing either, but that's pretty much the entire episode. They do it, a LOT. Buffy is making up for lost time not being able to ever do it with Angel by doin' it like wayyyy too much with Riley. Doin' it so much that repressed children poltergeists in the walls of the frat house where Riley lives awaken and start making things all funky until a "red shoes"-thing (you know, you put on the red shoes so you can dance and then the red shoes make you dance forever, until you die from all the dancin') happens where they're stuck in a black hole of endless doin' it. So creepy. I don't really like this episode, but let's get it over with...

First sighting of Xander in his ice cream truck. Precious. I really don't know what to say about this episode. I guess I'm only 12 minutes in, so I should keep an open mind. First time of Anya and Spike drinking together; also...precious. Anya is lamenting the fact that her and Xander didn't have sex one night? And Spike is lamenting no longer being evil. There's a wall in the frat house that gives orgasms during a party.

Willow's good clothing time is over. She's wearing an oversized jacket with holly embroidered on the collar. Ew. Xander and Anya break up after having their first fight. Anya is overreacting because she's never been in a relationship before. Tara freaks out when Willow touches her on the knee. Some chick named Julie attacks Xander with her mouth and then runs away to the bathroom crying, "I'm bad. I'm bad." over and over while cutting her hair. Willow sees a ghost in another bathroom. They all decide to get Buffy, but her and Riley can't hear them and vines grow out of the door. They're in their doin' it loop. There's an earthquake. It's so relentless that they all have to leave with Buffy and Riley still trapped inside.

They go get Giles and he's singing at an open mic. Anya and Willow think it's sexy and Xander is horrified. They do research and go visit the warden of the children's home that the house used to be. She says all kinds of creepy stuff about helping the dirty kids get into the "kingdom of heaven". Giles points his finger at her and tells her whats what.

Xander sums it all up with three words:"big burstin' poltergasm."

Tara, Willow, and Giles do a spell while Anya and Xander hack down the vines overtaking the house. Xander almost drowns in the bathtub, but Anya saves him. The spell goes awry. Turns out the only thing that had to be done was for someone to interrupt them, which Anya and Xander do.

I am an Aspergirl.

I've been holding off on this post because I've wanted to make it super intelligent and though-out and like an Aspergirl manifesta, but I'm just sick of waiting to form intelligent thought, perhaps it will come out naturally Grimes-Tumblr-style. It could happen.

So, a couple of weeks ago I took the Autism Quotient and scored a 35. A score of 32 and above most likely means you're on the Spectrum. The spectrum of Autism. As I scored in the lower area of Autism, that probably means Asperger's. I haven't sought a formal diagnosis (which I'm planning to talk to my therapist about that at my next appointment) yet, but this label is fitting me so comfortably, so perfectly, that I think a lack of formal diagnosis would piss me off. Because I SO am an Aspergirl.
Let's just get the definitions out of the way first...
Mayo Clinic defines Asperger's Syndrome as: a developmental disorder that affects a person's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.

Doctors group Asperger's syndrome with other conditions that are called autistic spectrum disorders or pervasive developmental disorders. These disorders all involve problems with social skills and communication. Asperger's syndrome is generally thought to be at the milder end of this spectrum.

While there's no cure for Asperger's syndrome, if your child has the condition treatment can help him or her learn how to interact more successfully in social situations.

Some of the symptoms (what I'd rather refer to as traits) that I exhibit include:

• lack of eye contact and awkward body postures/positions
• not understanding sarcasm: I never have. The first time my mom did it and explained the concept to me as a child I said, "I don't like that. Don't do that ever again."
• poor coordination
• mutism: being unable to speak in certain situations. For me, this is usually exhibited in one-on-one situations, especially if someone is asking me about myself.
• can engage in monotonous tasks for hours on end: my favorite job ever was being a library page (shelving/checking in books). I love engaging in activities that occupy a background-space of my mind/body so that I can think about other things. My Valium is monotonous physical movement. If I'm sorting/shelving books, I'm calm. If I'm walking, I'm calm. If I'm dancing, I'm calm. If I'm typing, I'm probably ok too. This also goes along with stims (self-stimulating behaviors, like rocking, feet-shaking, weird, repetitive movements). I also can calm myself by touching certain textures. I like brushed aluminum, computer keys, warm metal, paper, etc.
• repetitive routines/rituals: I fall apart without my routines. I almost can't sleep without watching Star Trek first. The soothing background noise on the Enterprise in The Next Generation calms me greatly.
• eccentric personality/style: Have you seen me? Yeah.
• strong sensory sensitivity: I find this to be the biggest part of being an Aspergirl. Every moment of every day I try to control my sensory input. I won't go to shows unless I know I like the music. I've taken to wearing earbuds when I go to movies, as they're often too loud for me. I'm constantly turning up and down the TV so that it's "perfect". I can't stand the sound of dishes clanking together. On days when I'm having a really hard time getting out of the house for work, I wear really comfortable layers and hide within the softness in order to create a buffer with the outside world. I frequently feel as if I don't want to be "seen". I like to have music going at all times, but I have to choose the music and the volume level myself. If I could always have headphones on in public, I'd function a LOT better in social situations. The only time I feel empowered/capable is while listening to music. Often I am overwhelmed by emotions portrayed in pop culture and I can't continue watching something that upsets me, especially if an image upsets me, I'll experience it over and over again in my mind for hours after seeing it. I can also be intensely distracted by an aspect of someone's appearance on a show or movie I'd otherwise enjoy and have to stop watching. For example, I can barely look at Courtney Cox on Friends because I know how much she'll fuck up her face later. Even though she was beautiful on Friends and I love her character as Monica, I can barely look at her with flashes of her new alien face flashing in my head.  
• attachment to animals and/or inanimate objects over people: I have NO problem bonding with animals and electronics, its people I have difficulty understanding.
• being in "their own world": I am CONSTANTLY fighting this at work. I have to remind myself to do my job constantly, because it's very easy to daydream in reference.
• can spend hours in a library researching: but the problem here is that I can only spend hours researching something I care about. If someone asks me to help them on their family history, forget about it. I don't fucking care and I have a hard time pretending I do.
• unusual preoccupations
• hard time saying "i love you" or showing affection: I have a very hard time with this. I assume that those I am close to know how much I care about them because I tolerate their presence. I am aware how this sounds, and I try to be more engaging, especially in my marriage, but it is a conscious effort.
• need to withdraw into solitude frequently: I would prefer to spend about 75% of my time alone (with animals and internet connectivity with other humans).
• attention narrowly focused on their own interests: I really only light up in a conversation when something interests me personally. I have a hard time remembering to ask what's going on with the person I'm speaking to. I tend to befriend people who entertain me, as well. If you bore me, I probably won't engage with you often.
• shuts down in social situations: if I feel like I'm not in control or can't predict something in a social situation, I probably won't even be there, let alone engage. I will probably leave a situation immediately if I can't find a calm, comfortable, clean place to sit. Although, if I was allowed to supply the music, I could probably handle any environment/social atmosphere.
• rigid social behavior due to inability to adapt to social spontaneity
• has a compulsive need to inform which can come off as blunt/rude: This is very true. I have unintentionally hurt people MANY times with my bluntness. Often the reason I am mute in social interactions is because I'm attempting to censor/translate/sift my initial reactions. If I spoke what first came into my mind, I'd sound like Cordelia or Anya on Buffy or Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
• great difficulty with small-talk: I abhor bullshitting. I am incapable of it and I find you fake if you engage in it. I don't get it at all. One of the reasons I don't say "i love you" often is because I want to genuinely FEEL it at the moment I'm saying it. I feel the same about conversation. I don't want to say something unless it's genuine. My expectations, therefore, for what is "genuine" are extremely rigid.
• can appear younger than age in dress, actions, etc: I never understand what people mean when they say a 40-year-old woman can't wear certain things. I don't agree with that at all. I wear the same clothes I did in middle school (sometimes literally the same exact articles of clothing). If I like it and fit into it, I'll wear it until it falls apart.
• will not spend a lot of time grooming: My hair has to be no-maintenance. I only bathe every other day. I only wash my hair once or twice a week and only brush it once every two weeks or so. I don't spend much time looking in the mirror. As long as my zits don't need to be popped and my self/clothes are relatively clean, I'm good to go. 
• androgynous (hates gender roles): This is a big one. I hate gendered expectations/roles. One of the reasons I'm obsessed with drag is because I like when people play with gender.
• enjoys reading scifi/fantasy
• may find employment daunting: It is a struggle almost every day for me to go to work. I accomplish it and have held down a job for 9 years, but it's only part time and I don't think I'd ever be able to handle full time work. 
• highly intelligent, yet sometimes can be slow to comprehend due to sensory and cognitive processing issues. Will not do well with verbal instruction--needs to write down or draw diagram: there are several times at work where I will have to ask again and again the same questions about how to do something. I WILL NOT remember until I write it down.
• due to sensory issues, can be overwhelmed by sex: it takes a LOT of emotional energy for me to have sex. It feels like a total body overtaking and it is a huge gesture of love for me to engage in sex. I feel like I will "never be enough" in this category. This is the #1 issue in my romantic relationships. All sensory stimuli have to be in perfect alignment for me to be "in the mood". It's very difficult for anyone attempting to have a romantic relationship with me. I feel a lot of guilt about this issue as well. 
• words and actions often misunderstood by others: like all misfits, I feel misunderstood almost all the time

I already feel very exhausted by exposing all of this. I made a sort of Asperger's announcement on Facebook, but have gotten hardly any response. I guess people don't know what to say? Some close friends/family have said that I don't need a label and they don't think of me as different, but I don't really believe that. I think they're trying to be nice. I feel VERY at odds with people ALL the time. Surely I stand out, socially. I don't understand why they can't tell me the truth. But right now I feel like I DO need a label. I like having an explanation for why I am such a pariah. I really like connecting with people, but I don't want to do it in the way most people do. And I usually can't relate in the way others do. Sensory issues are always with me. Currently, I'm torn between how much of this Aspergian stuff I can work around, how much to use as excuses for things I've always thought I should "get over", like what's the line between acceptance and excuses? On the one hand, it's really great to feel more self-acceptance for all these things I've always thought were "problems" I had, but how do I know when to accept and when that acceptance becomes an excuse, if that makes sense.

Anyway, that's my freestyle rant on being an Aspergirl. I'm happy for the distinction, and I feel I am understanding myself, forgiving myself more than I've ever been able to do. This is a crux of change. This is a moment of precipice and what do I do now? I'm flailing madly between certain/uncertainty.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Superstar.

episode 73.
airdate: 4 Apr 2000.

This episode is fun and fluff, really. A nice break from Adam/Buffy/Riley dramadramadrama. A palette-cleanser after that whole Buffy/Faith debacle.

Jonathan, dweeb from high school, is the hero in an alternate universe. Even the credits are altered with clips of Jonathan kicking ass a bunch. This is a pretty cut and dry episode, really. Jonathan was always a little effed up (he almost killed himself in "Earshot") and underappreciated/beat up as a nerdy kid. So he does a spell to become the best of everything. He beats Buffy at slaying, beats Giles at chess, and is even a sexy musician. There's a James Bond-y theme and everything.

Spike calls Buffy "fluffy battle kitten" and "Betty". Everything else in the universe is intact, all the Adam/Initiative stuff is the same, etc, it's just Jonathan has been added and and everyone is unnaturally obsessed with him and a little less actualized than they normally are. Buffy is even dressing more juvenile and insecure-like with barrettes and weird fringey jackets.

Adam's the only one not fooled by the Jonathan spell. Tara gets chased by a beasty that was a side effect of Jonathan's spell. No magic without consequences and all that. I like Buffy with curly hair. She's kind of catching on. She calls a meeting at Giles', which is a first without Jonathan. He usually leads the meetings in this universe, apparently.

Jonathan and Buffy fight the demon together. Jonathan knows if the demon is destroyed the world will go back as it was, but he lets it happen, because he's essentially a good guy. He could have pushed her off a cliff, but he doesn't. She defeats the demon. Fluff episode endeth.

Commentary (by Jane Espenson) notes added 5.12.13: Little tidbit during the teaser: Anya didn't react when Xander said "bunnies". One thing that is kind of cool about the writers and directors talking about little hitches in their writing is that I see how all of this came together. With pitfalls and multiple writers and little inputs from actors, etc. It took a village to make Buffy, it really did. So, that (a bit) takes the pressure off me when I start writing fiction, which may still be a long way off. I have NO IDEA how to go about it yet, but I'm hearing these writers say they knew they had to get Buffy mad at Dawn in an episode, and then had to write the circumstances for how. Everything in plot seems to begin as a skeleton that later gets muscle and flesh. Edit, edit, edit. That's cool, I think. To see the process and know that perhaps fiction isn't as far out of my grasp as I believe it to be. If only I had begun this process before the age of 30. Perhaps I would have if 2005 and 2011 hadn't happened. Perhaps I would be where I am now at 27 instead of 30. Or even earlier 20s if I hadn't spent soooo many years trying to be a "good girlfriend" to several unworthy men. They weren't unworthy in general, but all people are unworthy of your full attention at all times. Anyway, back to commentary notes.

Except, I'm at the end now and have had nothing to say so far. It wasn't a boring commentary, but just not one I want to comment upon. 

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Who Are You?

Episode 72.
airdate: 29 Feb 2000.

This episode is going to be difficult to write about, because it's SUCH a phenomenal display of television writing and really demonstrates Sarah Michelle Gellar's prowess as an actress. Joss Whedon really outdid himself with the themes/concept of what it would be like psychologically for these two women to switch bodies. Buffy gets to see what it feels like to be treated like a psychotic "bitch" and Faith is forever changed after being treated like a trusted "good" girl. Each could stand to be more like the other. It's not healthy to be as black and white as these two women are in comparison to one another. I'm getting ahead of myself, but this is probably one of my top ten favorite Buffy episodes, so I'm worried I won't do it justice.

Play.

I don't really understand what the Mayor was doing, I mean I guess he was giving Faith a fresh start by making it possible for her to get inside Buffy's body.

Willow finally explains to Tara that the reason she's keeping her a secret from her friends is because she likes having something that's just "mine". Tara says, "I am, you know...yours." Eeeeeeeee! Love that moment.

Ok, I need to get out of the way how I will speak of Faith and Buffy in this episode. I once saw an academic paper do it this way, so I will follow suit: when I'm speaking about Faith IN Buffy's body I will write FIB. When I speak of Buffy in Faith's body, BIF.

So, after being all weird with Joyce for a bit, FIB takes a bath, makes faces at herself in the mirror to get used to her new body, eeks as much cleavage as she can with Buffy's small cups, steals her passport, and books a flight with Joyce's credit card. Joyce gets a call from Giles to meet up at his place and FIB decides to go before she skips town.

Meanwhile, the police have BIF, but the Watcher's Council steal her from the cop car and take her into THEIR custody instead. They're planning to take her back to England to deal with her in Council territory. FIB meets Spike for the first time. She begins the episode declaring things "wrong" with sarcasm, but ends it with conviction, which is a nice nuance.

BIF gets her face spit into, bet that's never happened to Buffy before. Willow and Tara run into FIB at The Bronze. First time Tara's ever met Buffy, though you know, not really. She's mean to Tara. Willow notices a vampire, points him out to FIB, therefore FIB is obligated to kill him. When she does, the girl the vampire was feeding upon thanks her genuinely...this is a moment for FIB. She's not used to being thanked.

When Tara and Willow are alone, Tara explains, though she'd never met Buffy before tonight, that Buffy wasn't Buffy. "A person's energy has a flow, a unity. Buffy's was fragmented, grated, like something forced in where it doesn't belong." FIB goes to see Riley. She acts real weird asking him what he "wants to do to this body" etc and Riley stops her from the raw fucking thing and makes looooooove to her instead, so this is another pivotal moment for Faith. Tara and Willow are doing a sexy spell, as per usual. FIB sort of freaks after sex with Riley. He tells her he loves her and sticks around as she freaks out. She wanted to run, but she allows herself to be comforted by Riley.

Adam makes a speech, but I wasn't paying attention; thinking about the ramifications of someone having sex with your bf while in your body. That's pretty heavy, man. BIF is fighting the Council dudes and escaping in a big truck. FIB is at the airport.

I want to talk about clothing symbolism for a sec. When FIB first dressed after her bath at Joyce's, she put on leather pants and a black tank top. After her evening with Riley, she put on HIS shirt when she left his house in the morning. At the airport she's wearing light blues and a flowery skirt. She's obviously changing. I always notice clothing symbolism. I know it's such a simple thing, but I really like the effort.

BIF gets back into town and visits Giles, convincing him (eventually) that she is Buffy. Dushku isn't as good as Gellar, but she's not bad. The scene is really endearing (I'm trying not to say cute as much) between former Watcher and Slayer. Willow and Tara show up explaining the whole sitch after their sexy spell. They've conjured a remedy and Tara is introduced to the real Buffy, still BIF of course. So now they just need to find FIB and switch back bodies. They find out, both FIB and BIF via news broadcast, that some vampires are holding a church-full of people hostage. They both go to save the day, FIB leaving the airport (and her escape) to do so. Virtue! FIB is acting a lot like the real Buffy now. BIF shows too as FIB is kicking ass.

They're now face to face, kicking each other's asses, as per usual. FIB starts deconstructing, beating herself up and calling herself disgusting. BIF switches them back and Faith runs. Buffy realizes Riley had sex with Faith. Buffy is hurt, but she looks contemplative. She understands where Faith is for the first time, even empathizes with her.

Faith's redemption has begun. So exciting! I love her story arc.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: This Year's Girl.

episode 71.
airdate: 22 Feb 2000.

Episode opens with Buffy and Faith making Buffy's bed in the old house talking all cryptic, obviously a dream. "With little sis' coming." Cut to Faith still in the coma, then lightning...ooh, ya scared?

They're all still hanging/hiding out in Xander's basement. RileyBFF (can't remember his name) is lecturing Riley on staying together with the "family"/military. Faith is dreaming about hanging out with the Mayor and Buffy killing the Mayor then coming after her. Turns out she's been in a nightmare loop, Buffy stabbing her over and over again. Yeesh. Finally, she closes the loop and bests Buffy, and that's when she wakes up. Riley also escapes from his hospital situation. Riley is still all existential, of course. Buffy tells Riley about how she quit the Council once upon a time. She's weird when she's all nice and counsel-y. I don't like sweet and sugar Buffy.

Faith has to deal with what's happened since she's been asleep; mainly the high school being all crispy. She spies on the gang at Giles' house. She sees Buffy all cuddly with Riley, and that pisses her off (rightfully so) because the whole reason Buffy stabbed Faith effectively putting her in the coma was to save Angel, who she's no longer, obviously, with. She also sees someone calling Buffy to tell her that Faith is awake. The next morning Faith shows up on campus for an ass-kicking.

Willow's contribution? hits her with a backpack and calls her a bitch. Spike is snarky and cute, as always. "Can't any one of you Scooby Club try to remember that I HATE you all?"

The Mayor has left a VHS tape for Faith to view along with some weird metal device. He really did care about her, though he tells her there won't be a place in the world for her anymore after she awakens, whatever that means. There's someone Buffy's not protecting...her mother. But she does theatrically jump through the second-floor window, somehow. Destruction of Joyce's house, again. Take the fight outside, girls, come ON! Faith deploys mysterious device the Mayor gave her. Mom/Joyce comes into the room after the cops show up and "Faith" is knocked out on the floor. She asks her daughter if she's ok and "Buffy" says, "Five by five."

DuNuh. DuNUh. duNUUUUUUHHHH!

Commentary (by Doug Petrie) notes added 5.15.13: Hit my ten minute limit and haven't written a thing, so onto the next episode.

LIVE THROUGH THIS: OUT EDITION.

LIVE THROUGH THIS. THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS, LGBT EDITION: I want to do a mental health-themed zine. One of the things that shouldn't be something we have to cope/deal/come to terms with, is being gay, lesbian, transgendered, asexual and bisexual, but in our still close-minded society, we unfortunately, do. I would love to have some stories/insight/thoughts from close friends/family that are out.

Any input in any form (drawings, maps, rants, poetry, ANYTHING from any perspective/place in the process) would be greatly appreciated. I will use your content for my zine, but you can be anonymous or use an alias should you feel more comfortable disclosing under invisibility cloak. Below are some questions. You can choose to answer these questions directly to use as an interview in the zine (only answer those you're comfortable answering, of course, and feel free to reword/add questions as ye see fit), or just use them as a jumping-off point for anything you want to say. 

I want to have this zine out on the Summer Solstice so your deadline to submit content is JUNE 13 and submissions can be sent via email: mixtressrae@yahoo.com

Please consider sharing your experience with others even if all you do is spend ten minutes replying to this blog with a random thought or two. 

Thank you SO much in advance,

Stephanie

QUESTIONS/THOUGHTS:

When did you know you were gay/lesbian/transgendered/bisexual/asexual?

What was the process of accepting yourself like? 

How did you overcome the hurdles our society throws at people that are "different"?

When did you "come out"?

Who did you tell first?

Was it a big revealing, did you come out slowly, or have you chosen to make it a non-issue and just not bring up your sexuality to others?

How did your family/close friends react?

What do you wish the general population would realize about the LGBT community?

What advice would you have for someone who wants to come out/recently came out?

LIVE THROUGH THIS.

LIVE THROUGH THIS. THIS IS A CALL TO ARMS: I want to do a mental health-themed zine. Talk about how people with diagnoses, depression, coping/sensory issues, Post Traumatic Stress (a LOT of us in Joplin are still dealing with this), etc deal in life. I would love to have some stories/insight/thoughts from close friends/family that I know have found/are in the process of finding ways to live in this world.

Any input in any form (drawings, maps, rants, poetry, ANYTHING from any perspective/place in the process) would be greatly appreciated. I will use your content for my zine, but you can be anonymous or use an alias should you feel more comfortable disclosing under invisibility cloak. Below are some questions (most of them center around the word "diagnosis", which I am using as a stand-in for any issues of depression, coping, PTSD, etc). You can choose to answer these questions directly for me to use as an interview in the zine (only answer those you're comfortable answering, of course, and feel free to reword/add questions as ye see fit), or just use them as a jumping-off point for anything you want to say.

I want to have this zine out on the Summer Solstice so your deadline to submit content is JUNE 13 and submissions can be sent via email: mixtressrae@yahoo.com

Please consider sharing your experience with others even if all you do is spend ten minutes replying to this blog with a random thought or two.

Thank you SO much in advance,

Stephanie

QUESTIONS/THOUGHTS:

Do you have a diagnosis (self or formal)? What is this diagnosis?

Do you find strength in your diagnosis? Do you disregard your diagnosis?

How have you come to define your diagnosis?

How have you learned to work around discomfort surrounding symptoms of your diagnosis?

How does it feel on your worst days?

How does it feel on your best days?

How have your loved ones responded to your diagnosis?

What do you wish the general public understood about you/people under similar circumstances?

What advice have you for others under similar circumstances?

albumWEEK

Originally posted in Current, Etc publication last issue (well CURRENT issue until Thursday):

ALBUMweek.

During the month of February I undertook a sort-of music boot camp. Each week, I had a particular way of enjoying music that I confined myself within for the entire 168 hours of that week's regular listening periods. I endeavor to tell you in a four part series my results for each week here in these Current, Etc pages. I do not promise these four parts will be in sequential order, or even in a row, depending on how pressing future music topics will be, but for today I'll share with you my rediscovery of THE ALBUM.

Listening to an album in order, in one sitting, is becoming a lost art. I recently realized I don’t know music I’ve discovered/downloaded in the last five years as albums. I know it as songs floating in and out of shuffles/mixes. Conversely, I don't think artists conceive of their music in album form as often as was done in the '70s-'90s.

The album has had a relatively short shelf-life in the grand scheme of music, if you consider The Beatles' Revolver (1966) as the birth of the album (and lots of rock critics do). THE ALBUM being a collection of songs with a conceptually-thematic atmosphere that lures you into an aural landscape for approximately three quarters of an hour, transfixed. Ultimately, I discovered that while the album did have a short run and many albums are very important to me, it’s really always been fragmented. We pick and choose the songs we love, the sides we pick up the needle for again and again. The attention span of a human does not normally last 45 minutes. For an album to make it into your pantheon of things to sit still for, it has to be spectacular! It is rare that an album makes it, without the need to skip, replay, multitask. ALBUMweek made me realize I hardly ever quiet my mind enough to experience music as its divine creators intended.

In undergoing this project, I wanted to recapture the feeling of letting my self dissolve into the sound of the album (I've been on shuffle for too many years). I felt like I did restore something deep within the earth of my mind. I defiantly reclaimed the ability to pay attention to music. Picture a woman wearing ridiculous plaid pants sitting cross-legged in a papasan chair clutching a vinyl sleeve whilst gazing wistfully into the middle-distance. This was me the entire first week of February and here are ten of the best albums repossessed during my love affair with THE ALBUM:

The Cure/Seventeen Seconds
Nirvana/Unplugged
Marilyn Manson/Antichrist Superstar
Nine Inch Nails/The Downward Spiral
Brian Eno/Before and After Science
Cibo Matto/Viva! La Woman
Fiona Apple/When The Pawn...
Veruca Salt/American Thighs
Talking Heads/77
Yeah Yeah Yeahs/Fever To Tell

What are your favorite albums? Email me: mixtressrae@yahoo.com

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